To contemplate bailing out of this wedding?

[CesareBorgiasUnicornMask]

Due to go to a friend's wedding a week on Saturday. It is elsewhere in Europe, and I'm meant to be going with a group of other old friends from uni, flying out on the Saturday morning and returning on Monday night. We've booked an apartment, flights, all paid for. Bride is expecting me, obviously. DH and DS (nearly 2) were invited but are not coming because of cost. I was really looking forward to it but am now getting cold feet for the following (admittedly crap) reasons:

1. DS still breastfeeds at night - I've never been away from him for even one night before. I don't know how he'll cope. DH is a brilliant dad who does loads with him, but is not used to dealing with him at night as he's a shift worker and often just isn't here. I worry I'm condemning them to three days of misery. Moreover, I don't know if I'm going to spend three days miserable with rock-hard boobs. When I booked I thought this would not be a problem as he was self-weaning and barely feeding but...

2. ...he now has a nasty chest infection. So not only is he ill, miserable and wants to be cuddled by me ALL THE TIME and won't even go to DH if the choice is there, but his feeding has increased massively. I'm assuming he'll be better by next weekend but what if he isn't? And even if he is it's likely to be a while before he's fully himself and back in routine.

3. I have nothing to wear. Like nothing. I am not exaggerating or being lame - I have been kondo-ing, and got rid of all my clothes that didn't 'spark joy.' Unfortunately, that was all of them bar a few things for work and a vast selection of leggings, hoodies and colourful socks. I have no smart trousers, and the three dresses I still possess are my wedding dress, a maternity sun-dress two sizes too big, and a a very fancy ball dress that may or may not zip up. The obvious answer would be to buy something new but...

4)...a couple of weeks ago my car unexpectedly failed its MOT. Cost nearly £400 to fix and we are now even more utterly skint than usual. I also have literally no idea when to find the time to buy something as this entire weekend I am working/ going on my DM's birthday outing/ looking after poorly DS while DH works. I'm then at a hospital placement for the course I'm currently doing all next week. Then our flight is at 7 on Saturday morning and the wedding is at 2.

5. I have end of year exams in five weeks. I am also doing A level marking as of this Thursday coming. I am incredibly stressed and sort of just want to hunker down and hide at home, revise, work, cuddle DS. When I booked I thought it would be a nice break in the middle of revision but everything else has kind of crept up on me. Shit planning, I know.

6. My mental health has not been great for the past few months. I've been on antidepressants since January, and this was all booked in the first flush of optimism and enthusiasm when I started feeling a bit better. I worry that it's all too much though, I'm feeling a bit shaky again, and apart from anything that I'll be crap company.

Anyway, after that essay: WIBU to get 'food poisoning', or DS's chest infection, towards the end of this week and very sadly have to miss it? If it makes a difference though I like the bride very much I have only seen her a couple of times in the last few years - I suspect I was invited as part of a larger group rather than because she specifically wants me, or would miss me if I wasn't there if that makes sense. Would obviously send card and present and letter of apology. I know they'll be out of pocket but hopefully not a huge amount.

I suspect IABU, but I just feel so crap about the whole thing and am panicking that I'm going to be miserable the whole time and wishing I hadn't gone.

I feel like such a twat

Go ....you need this and I think once you are there you will enjoy it and come back happier for having gone. I suspect if you could snap your fingers and have an appropriate wardrobe ready to pack you'd feel very differently, I know that feeling well, buy a few bits and accept you aren't going to win any style awards right now but don't let it consume you too much, people are always far more concerned with how they look themselves than what others are wearing and it isn't that important although I'm sure would make you feel better. Not to go would be giving in to what I think is a symptom of depression, going will be a fantastic tonic.

Glad you have a bit more time to allow DS to recover. I agree with the advice to see if you can borrow something. My friend wore one of my sister's dresses to a wedding (out of a choice of half a dozen or so) when she wasn't her usual size and had nothing to wear.

You need a break.

It's good for your mental health. To socialise.

Go.

your dh putting your ds to bed may be the break that you need to wean him (assuming you want to).

when my babies were down to one feed and i stopped my boobs didn't go rock hard, it was fine. i know you're feeding more at the mo, but that's cos he's ill. and you've got 2 weeks to gently wean him back to just one. then when you're away it won't occur to him. he'll forget in 3 days.

go, and have a good time. your dh and ds will be fine. hunker down and get as much work done as you can and try and get some sleep occasionally too.

good luck!

Oh that's perfect then! If DS gets better soon you'll have time to explain to him that you won't be around.

Thanks so much for all the replies. I think I needed a kick up the arse, and now with a week longer than I idiotically thought I had, it definitely seems more doable and I may even be slightly looking forward to it again .

Unfortunately my late-night pity/panic party meant I slept through the alarm this morning which accompanied by DS's horror at being forced to take antibiotics and then being left with Grandpa meant I just missed my train, but on the plus side I am now sitting in the sun at the station waiting for the next one revising mumsnetting and drinking coffee, which is much more civilised than being on the Jubilee line... So everything feels a bit more manageable .

Thanks for the good outfit and shopping ideas as well - love the floaty trousers idea!

Have a brilliant time. Revise on the plane and while you're away. Get a load of sleep too so you come home refreshed not hungover.

Definitely check out the supermarkets for clothes. Sainsbury's often have nice stuff and decent shoes. I've had some lovely dresses and flats from there.

I'd also suggest a few night times where DH does it. I say a few as the first time DH had DS while I was out he cried for 2hrs and went to sleep on DH 20mins before I got home. Fast forward 3-4 more nights out at meetings and DS went to sleep really quickly the last time (in his cot).

Could you go to a library or quiet coffee shop to revise while DH does bedtime? Two birds with one stone and all that

I agree that if you do want to wean, it's a really good opportunity to do it. I had to go away when dd was 16 mths due to a very sudden bereavement, so dh just had to cope. Dd was a bit grumpy on the first night but dh just gave her lots of cuddles and she was absolutely fine.

OP, I'm glad you decided to go. I missed a good friend's wedding a few years ago. Dropped out at the last minute with a feeble excuse, because I was depressed, in the process of breaking up with ex-DP, felt fat... I so wish I had gone. Apparently it was a wonderful day. My lovely friend forgave me but I still regret it.

Hope your DS is better soon and that you have a fantastic time

OP I talked myself out of going to a friends "big" birthday party some years back for no good reason really other than I'd put on a bit of weight and nothing decent in my wardrobe fitted, although I gave myself a lot of good and valid reasons why I shouldn't go.
There were a lot of people there that I would have liked to have kept in touch with, and I'm sure my absence was noted as I didn't want to be with that group any more.

I bitterly regret it now.

Do go, you will,I'm sure enjoy a child free few days, just get yourself to Primark/ASDA or even go online for something to wear.
Have a great time