To contemplate bailing out of this wedding?

[CesareBorgiasUnicornMask]

Due to go to a friend's wedding a week on Saturday. It is elsewhere in Europe, and I'm meant to be going with a group of other old friends from uni, flying out on the Saturday morning and returning on Monday night. We've booked an apartment, flights, all paid for. Bride is expecting me, obviously. DH and DS (nearly 2) were invited but are not coming because of cost. I was really looking forward to it but am now getting cold feet for the following (admittedly crap) reasons:

1. DS still breastfeeds at night - I've never been away from him for even one night before. I don't know how he'll cope. DH is a brilliant dad who does loads with him, but is not used to dealing with him at night as he's a shift worker and often just isn't here. I worry I'm condemning them to three days of misery. Moreover, I don't know if I'm going to spend three days miserable with rock-hard boobs. When I booked I thought this would not be a problem as he was self-weaning and barely feeding but...

2. ...he now has a nasty chest infection. So not only is he ill, miserable and wants to be cuddled by me ALL THE TIME and won't even go to DH if the choice is there, but his feeding has increased massively. I'm assuming he'll be better by next weekend but what if he isn't? And even if he is it's likely to be a while before he's fully himself and back in routine.

3. I have nothing to wear. Like nothing. I am not exaggerating or being lame - I have been kondo-ing, and got rid of all my clothes that didn't 'spark joy.' Unfortunately, that was all of them bar a few things for work and a vast selection of leggings, hoodies and colourful socks. I have no smart trousers, and the three dresses I still possess are my wedding dress, a maternity sun-dress two sizes too big, and a a very fancy ball dress that may or may not zip up. The obvious answer would be to buy something new but...

4)...a couple of weeks ago my car unexpectedly failed its MOT. Cost nearly £400 to fix and we are now even more utterly skint than usual. I also have literally no idea when to find the time to buy something as this entire weekend I am working/ going on my DM's birthday outing/ looking after poorly DS while DH works. I'm then at a hospital placement for the course I'm currently doing all next week. Then our flight is at 7 on Saturday morning and the wedding is at 2.

5. I have end of year exams in five weeks. I am also doing A level marking as of this Thursday coming. I am incredibly stressed and sort of just want to hunker down and hide at home, revise, work, cuddle DS. When I booked I thought it would be a nice break in the middle of revision but everything else has kind of crept up on me. Shit planning, I know.

6. My mental health has not been great for the past few months. I've been on antidepressants since January, and this was all booked in the first flush of optimism and enthusiasm when I started feeling a bit better. I worry that it's all too much though, I'm feeling a bit shaky again, and apart from anything that I'll be crap company.

Anyway, after that essay: WIBU to get 'food poisoning', or DS's chest infection, towards the end of this week and very sadly have to miss it? If it makes a difference though I like the bride very much I have only seen her a couple of times in the last few years - I suspect I was invited as part of a larger group rather than because she specifically wants me, or would miss me if I wasn't there if that makes sense. Would obviously send card and present and letter of apology. I know they'll be out of pocket but hopefully not a huge amount.

I suspect IABU, but I just feel so crap about the whole thing and am panicking that I'm going to be miserable the whole time and wishing I hadn't gone.

I feel like such a twat

You need a break, please go and have fun. Bring back something nice from Duty Free for your lovely DH.

If you can get a cheap outfit and drag yourself there, you might have a good time? If there's no chance of you enjoying yourself then don't go and don't feel guilty about life getting in the way. However, a child free weekend with old uni chums could brighten up your year!?

What do you want MN to say?

We can give you a kick up the arse, or guilt-free excuses.

Only you really know what it is you want to do. Have a good think, and then do it.

Go! You will have a good time with your friends who you hardly see. This might be the last time everyone gets together. The break will probably be good for your mental health.

Find a cheap outfit or borrow one. Recently a friend posted on FB asking if she could borrow an outfit for a wedding and a load of people offered to lend her something.

When my DS was about 17 months I left him for 3 days. I had cut down on BF and thought that would be it. But I was able to resume feeding when I got back. You've got a bit of time, so you can cut down on the feeds a bit (and try to night wean) so that you don't get the rock hard boobs, and can manage with a bit of hand expressing if you need to.

Please go and update telling us what a great time you had.

Haha op. Glad you got a reprieve.

Can you borrow a dress from someone? Rather then buy if money's tight.

YANBU. Don't go

Borrow a dress, write a packing list incl your revision, think of the uninterrupted sleep you can have - and if you still don't want to go once you've got stuff sorted then don't.

Actually op I'm clearing out a load of dresses so if you're a size 10 PM me!

Have a look on eBay. You could buy something and then sell it after the wedding.

I think you should go! You sound like you need some time off. Your husband and son will be fine without you.

I'd go. I think it would be nice for you to get a break. Spending time with friends and socialising is so good for your health as having a laugh can make you feel better. Let us know what you decide
Often it's making the decision that is the stressful bit so try to decide asap and you'll feel a weight has been lifted

I think you should go. I think it sounds like you really could do with it. Like you need it.

You know how it is, the things we think "ugh, don't want to go" always turn out to be the best. Your DH and DS will be fine

You shouldn't end up with rock hard boobs from a few nights off by the time your DS is 2. That happens in the early days when you're producing all their food, presumably by now he's getting his sustenance elsewhere and you're just providing bedtime milk and comfort.

It sounds to me like this trip is out of your comfort zone and you're looking for excuses to get out of it. Can you phone one of the friends who's going with you for a bit of moral support?

I think you should go, it sounds like a great weekend, travel & meeting up with friends abroad.
You can get some really nice summer dresses in George at asda for less than £20. If it's isn't until next weekend he might be tonnes better by then. Go!!!

Op...read your post and update. Sounds like you really need this break before your exams. You have a week now. Get yourself amazing to wear from george, poundshop does sell makeup that isnt bad if you dont have an allergies. Ds is going to be with his hands on father. Maybe get him to do a few bedtimes this week. Decide towards end of week and if you still feel you dont want to go cancel. However it really does sound like you need a weekend of laughter and fun with some girlfriends.

I would go like others have said sounds like you could do with a break !!

I honestly think youl have a great time and be glad you went

Another one who says go! Feel the fear and do it anyway. Your DS will be better by then anyway. You can express two nights worth of milk, you can order an outfit online or borrow or buy at supermarket as others have said. You will enjoy it; seeing your friends will cheer you right up. I sometimes don't want to do things but when's do I'm always glad I did. Friendships are so important.

Read your update - so the slight delay should mean that 1 and 2 are taken care of. Once DS is recovered he should be feeding less.

The car problem is a pain in the arse but you've already paid for your flights and hotel. Go to Primark and have a hunt about; if you're careful you should be able to pick an outfit up for £20-£30. Leggings, a long vest top and cardi and some casual boots and a scarf will see you through travelling there and back. Go and have a break.

PS - if you like the floaty palazzo style trousers, George has loads in at the moment and they are cheap as chips and very comfy. I have these which I've been pairing with a white vest top, loose jacket and wedge espadrilles.

I am like you in that I get myself into an anxious mess - why not park it for a few days and focus on anxiety reducing activities ? Walk , exercise and break the back of the revision

Then see how you feel after the weekend

Baby BF will be ok just pump and dump
Yes to primark , some fake ten and a £10 blow dry !

Only you can decide but I bet you will enjoy yourself a lot more than you realise if you go

And if you don't - that's the decision. Park it !

So. How many people are going to post not having bothered to read the OP's fairly significant update?

OP, I'm glad you got that reprieve and I hope you find something you like to wear. Have a good trip.

Yes - beware the over-zealous Kondo-ing. I too threw lots away that I wanted again at a later date

I think you should go - especially as you now have an extra week

Op hope you got a good sleep last night.

You sound like you need a break so fingers crossed you, because it's a couple of weeks away, you start to look forward to going and have a fab time.

Excus typos

God come and take in my wardrobe dresses I've never worn but bought in too good to miss sales is something I'm not short of
The reasons you give are the sort of reasons I make up to talk myself out of things because sometimes it all just feels too overwhelming. I try and remind myself how I felt when the invitation arrived and why I said I'd go in the first place. Inevitably I end up having a great time and kick myself for being so silly then do it all over again next time. Sometimes we just get too bogged down with the drudge that convince ourselves we will have a rubbish time.
At least now you know you have an extra week to get prepared and buy something to wear. You will enjoy the catch up and with so much going on you'll enjoy letting your hair down for a bit.

What size are you?

Maybe MN can kit you out.