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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit terse with colleague full of the cold?

93 replies

TiverMeShimbers · 26/05/2016 09:40

Monday he was coughing
Tuesday he was sneezing
Wednesday he was so full of the cold he stayed in bed & called in sick.

Today - he's back in the bloody office! Pale & clammy looking. With a scarf on! Sneezing and coughing away!

Why wouldn't he just stay at home? He can work from home any time he likes....he has full access from home and it's not the type of job that you need to be face to face with people.

I've been a bit short with him...I did ask straight away how he was feeling, but it's obvious he's not well. So I couldn't help myself and told him he was spreading germs and should have just stayed at home.

He then put on a martyr face & said - "Oh dear ok, I'll try not to spread my germs"

We have a bit of an atmosphere now.

OP posts:

Thelittleredhead · 26/05/2016 11:38

Urgh, good luck OP. I had a very similar AIBU last month when the girl I share an office with came in in a similarly bad way (again - not just the sniffles, a full blown, feverish, shivering, red eyes cold). I hadn't even said anything to the poor girl, just asked if I was BU to be annoyed by it, and I got ripped to shreds!

FWIW I agree with you (obviously). Sniffles/mild cold/feeling a bit under the weather > put your big girl/boy pants on and get to work. Full blown 'oh God I feel like my head is being crushed in a vice and I have a raised temperature' cold > stop being a martyr and just stay at home. Especially if, like in my office, you have full choice to work from home, and unlimited sick time.

But what do I know, I'm probably just a mumsnet wet blanket...

timeforabrewnow · 26/05/2016 11:38

Gah - wimps. So what - he's got a cold.

I work in a busy hospital everyday and am exposed to all manner of bugs/viruses/super-viruses.

Not dead yet.

Yukduck · 26/05/2016 11:39

My lovely, lovely colleague and friend at work is struggling in with a cold and chest infection atm as she does not get paid if she stays at home. She made the BIG mistake of coming in with the cold, having a day or two off, coming back in but then going off again when the chest infection took hold. The Bradford Factor kicked in and now she is not being paid if she does not come in, spluttering and full of cold or not.
Offices can be hard places and unsympathetic to time off so YABU if your workmate is not going to be paid if off sick. But YANBU if you have a poor immune system and risk (like me) catching everything that goes round in an office.
I do admit to washing my hands after her using my spoon for her honey in her hot drink (a bit two faced but I don't want the cold). I waited before going to the loo after she had been as I think door handles are risky too for germs. A bit paranoid and unkind but I catch everything going.
Just keep washing your hands and as one poster said use some First Defense or Echinachea (I am!).

Hodooooooooor · 26/05/2016 11:40

Are you Irish OP?

hmcAsWas · 26/05/2016 11:41

"Over the next month everyone went off sick, including the boss. It turned out to be more than a just a cold. I had to have antibiotics for two weeks and lost my voice temporarily.
Another worker lost her voice - her GP said that it may come back next day/week/month/year or never. She gave her notice in and six months later I bumped into her. We tried to have a conversation but she still couldn't raise her voice above a whisper. All caused by a germ-spreader. A fairly unusual situation but it could have been avoided."

Clearly you are all just wimps / wet blankets, should have manned or womaned up and weren't really ill

Marynary · 26/05/2016 11:42

Yes, it might. Or it might not be.

So you think OP might be lying about the fact that they can work from home anytime or do you just think that she might not know what her workplace policy is regarding homeworking?

Yukduck · 26/05/2016 11:45

timeforabrewnow I know you see far worse (so glad you are not dead yet!!).

We need the strong and the brave to look after wimps like me. It is not just men that get "man flu". Off to the chemist now for more nasal spray before my shift tonight.

SapphireStrange · 26/05/2016 11:47

Mary, neither.

The comment I'm responding to was 'In my workplace, we all work to the same conditions. It might be the case that OP works in a similar place.'

What I meant was that, while obviously workplaces tend to have policies
that apply to all, different individual arrangements are often made case by case. In this case the colleague may have reasons that the OP doesn't know about to be coming in to work.

Original poster

TiverMeShimbers · 26/05/2016 11:51

Wow - lots of differing opinions here.

Of course if it's a little sniffle and a sneeze and you work in a place where you either can't work from home or there is a strict sick leave policy or you would be really letting people down then that is different.

This is none of this. His role can be done just as easily at home. There is nothing he has to be physically here for today. He has so far not left his desk, has spoken to no-one bar me & boss, has had only 1 phone call and has no meetings planned (he could have conference called in anway).

Boss has definitely not asked him to come in for anything and already been over to express surprise that colleague is in the office and said: "I'm not going to ask how you are as you're obviously still ill". Colleague then mumbled something about taking paracetamol. And then sneezed.

Our boss is known for being very flexible regarding home working (including last minute arrangements) and also never makes an issue of someone being off sick. It is in our contracts that you can self cert for 5 working days so no issues there.

I was sympathetic to colleague on Tuesday, but him coming in today just smacks of martyrdom and yes presenteeism (a new word for me!). He's always first in. Always last to leave. Never takes a day off. One of those types that thinks the place will collapse without him.

Just seems silly to me to travel & work in an open plan office when you're ill & could be at home. And yes I know I could catch a cold anywhere, but I have more chance of it when there is someone sneezing all over the place only 3ft away!

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/05/2016 11:53

*PPie10

You are bloody rude! Who do you think you are telling him to stay at home? It's a cold fgs.*

And that is so polite.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/05/2016 11:54

I think YANBU.

My colleagues are even worse. They come in being sick and my desk is beside the bathroom.

shovetheholly · 26/05/2016 11:58

If you can work from home without any issues, and you come in with a cold, that's a bit silly and a bit selfish. Just stay home, work away, get better, then come in next week!! I don't see why everyone is so intent on someone who is sick getting to the office if it doesn't make the tiniest bit of difference work-wise.

BillSykesDog · 26/05/2016 11:59

Always last to leave. Never takes a day off. One of those types that thinks the place will collapse without him.

You mean the type who is always at the back of the queue when those nasty redundancy P45s come floating out?

I have health issues which mean I've never been able to be one of those lucky people with 100% records. But I've certainly noticed when the shit hits the fan their dedication makes them virtually flame proof.

WriteforFun1 · 26/05/2016 12:01

Bill, really? I have a sick record that scares the pants off me and that hasn't happened at all in redundancy periods.

OP, your colleague is just a PITA martyr, though it's a shame the boss didn't ask him to go home, mine would have done - in quite, er, determined terms.

SapphireStrange · 26/05/2016 12:02

Thanks for the new info, OP.

Sounds like he could easily have worked at home. But you sound quite critical of him. So what if he likes to work long hours and doesn't have much time off?

And, to answer your original question, yes you were U to try to tell him to go home. It was rather rude.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 26/05/2016 12:04

Seen your update OP and withdraw my YABU!

YANBU, he's a twat looking to impress the boss. And a martyr. But was possibly chucked out of home this morning b/c they couldn't stand him either.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/05/2016 12:09

YANBU - he's a TWAT

Given your statement "Our boss is known for being very flexible regarding home working (including last minute arrangements)" - I'd simply go home to work to avoid infection.

Marynary · 26/05/2016 12:11

Yes, I would go home too!

PuppyMonkey · 26/05/2016 12:12

Yanbu OP - if I were you, I'd go and work from home for the rest of the day to avoid him.

Original poster

TiverMeShimbers · 26/05/2016 12:14

I am taking on board the fact that lots of you think I was rude. You're right - I could probably have said it in a nicer way as a concern about his wellbeing.

OP posts:

Marynary · 26/05/2016 12:14

Er, yes it does. Have you never heard of the Bradford Factor? That exists almost exclusively so the sort of employee who takes a day off every time they have a sniffle can be sacked.

Not sure if you are referring to a particular post but I can't see how the Bradford factor is relevant in this situation. He wouldn't be off sick. He would be working at home which is allowed in this particular workplace.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 26/05/2016 12:21

That is actually true (being allowed to wfh and able to are not the same, so if he never does maybe he personally can't)...Perhaps he has 2 year old triplets at home, or for otber reasons his home is full of other people being noisy, or perhaps he lives in a village without decent high speed Internet. ..

Couldn't you wfh if he's disturbing you op?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 26/05/2016 12:28

How old is he OP? Could he have young children at home all day who would struggle with the concept that Daddy is actually working and not to be disturbed?

Maybe he lacks the self discipline to work from home, I certainly do, and feels he is more productive coming in.

Sherlocked1606 · 26/05/2016 12:32

If you are concerned about it you should speak to your boss.

I am on immunosuppressing medication, leaving me at risk of infection. All my team know this yet someone the same twat always comes it the cold, flu even suspected chicken pox. I had to work from home which is a pain in the arse.

If you are in a similar situation then YANBU. If not then being rude to his solves nothing. Go speak to your boss

WeAllHaveWings · 26/05/2016 12:42

Agree with other who say the world doesn't stop for a cold.

I would maybe have said to him he looks ill or hope he feels better soon, or you should work from home and save yourself the trip when you aren't well.

To tell him off for spreading germs is a bit precious. Its only a cold.

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