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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit terse with colleague full of the cold?

93 replies

TiverMeShimbers · 26/05/2016 09:40

Monday he was coughing
Tuesday he was sneezing
Wednesday he was so full of the cold he stayed in bed & called in sick.

Today - he's back in the bloody office! Pale & clammy looking. With a scarf on! Sneezing and coughing away!

Why wouldn't he just stay at home? He can work from home any time he likes....he has full access from home and it's not the type of job that you need to be face to face with people.

I've been a bit short with him...I did ask straight away how he was feeling, but it's obvious he's not well. So I couldn't help myself and told him he was spreading germs and should have just stayed at home.

He then put on a martyr face & said - "Oh dear ok, I'll try not to spread my germs"

We have a bit of an atmosphere now.

OP posts:
Runningupthathill82 · 26/05/2016 10:49

It's a cold ffs. He must think you're rather OTT for having a go. Poor bloke!

SapphireStrange · 26/05/2016 10:53

No, I'm not buying that you can't just get colds from anyone. If everyone stayed at home with minor viruses just in case they infected the office, no one would be at work ever.

More to the point, and to answer again the OP's question, yes she was being U to try to tell another adult they should have stayed at home. If a colleague said that to me I'd tell them to mind their own business.

hmcAsWas · 26/05/2016 10:54

"Just a cold"

I don't think so - some people get cold symptoms quite mildly, a bit of a snuffle, runny nose etc - lucky them . For others it goes straight to their chest, they get wheezy and short of breath, develop a fever, splitting headaches, feel drained, wiped out and so on.

I'm in the latter category - if I get a cold, boy do I get a cold. However expose me to a gastric bug and nothing happens. I almost never get d&v. Peoples bodies and immune systems respond differently to the same viruses.

The bloke in the office is pale and clammy and wearing a scarf (I am guessing a fever). I would not be impressed at sharing an office with him

crazywriter · 26/05/2016 10:57

Looking at everything you've said about it all, YANBU.

If he can work from home, why isn't he doing that? I'd take the chance to be at home to work and try to get better...and not spread the germs, of course.

I could understand him going in if he couldn't work from home. He may be worried about losing pay, as I and my DH would. I had to force DH to take a day off work last month because of the flu. He was ready to push himself because of the thought process we both have: we'd lose money and let people down by not going in.

But, no. When he can work from home, he should have stayed there. You possibly could have been a little more tactful with it, though. Maybe asked him why he chose to come in and not work from home? Surely he'd be more comfortable working from home while ill...

hmcAsWas · 26/05/2016 10:59

"It's a bit simplistic to think that someone with a cold at work will pass it to you and that colds can be avoided by people not coming to work with them.

You could get a cold from a stranger on the bus, from a door handle, standing in a lift..."

Yes well its obviously extraordinarilya bit simplistic andobtuse to not realise that the probability of contracting a cold is infinitely higher (practically certain) when in the same office as the spluttering, sneezing infected person, and a much smaller risk (although admittedly still possible) from a door handle

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 26/05/2016 11:01

Given he can work remotely he's being unreasonable. Irrespective of where/how else you can pick a cold up, this is eliminating one way.

I never normally get colds/bugs etc and if/when I do, I normally shake them off quickly, but I got a nasty one just before Christmas & it totally wiped me out, it has been one after another since. Lots f people I've spoken t have said they've been the same. The colds/bugs seem to be much worse this year, with very few being the harmless enough sniffle/cough/better variety.

I'd swing for any twit bringing one into a confined office unnecessarily.

Marynary · 26/05/2016 11:02

No, I'm not buying that you can't just get colds from anyone. If everyone stayed at home with minor viruses just in case they infected the office, no one would be at work ever.

Of course you can get colds from anyone. That doesn't mean that all colds are unavoidable though. You will get considerably fewer cold if you work in an environment where people avoid coming in when they have a really heavy cold and where they are careful to be hygienic if they do have to come in. Obviously some jobs require people to come in but in OP's case they can stay at home.

WriteforFun1 · 26/05/2016 11:03

I get annoyed with the germ spreaders too
he's taking it in a very OTT way if you ask me

Luckily my boss doesn't like germ spreaders either so a precedent has been set that people stand well back if they insist on coming in with a cold

I have asthma as well so a cold is never just a bleeping cold.

Get yourself some Boots Cold & Flu Spray btw, I think that helps me.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 26/05/2016 11:04

My employer would be seriously unimpressed if everyone stayed off every time they had a cold.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 26/05/2016 11:05

As most people don't have the option of working from home I think YABU. I get loads of colds and sniffles and if I took a day off for all of them I'd be out on my ear pretty sharpish.

It's unfortunate if you are someone for whom a cold is more serious but I think it is unreasonable to expect everyone else to risk their jobs on the off-chance.

Sorry, I do sympathise though. Not least b/c it's foul having to listen to someone sniffing and spluttering in earshot.

hmcAsWas · 26/05/2016 11:05

Oh good - some sensible posts!

Marynary · 26/05/2016 11:05

You could get a cold from a stranger on the bus, from a door handle, standing in a lift..."

I don't go on buses and rarely use lifts. I never put my hands near my face and use handgel so catching a cold from a door handle is unlikely. It would be hard to avoid catching a cold from a colleague with a heavy cold who is sneezing everywhere though.

WriteforFun1 · 26/05/2016 11:07

Like "My employer would be seriously unimpressed if everyone stayed off every time they had a cold."

and you work in a place like the OP, where there's full home access and everyone's allowed to work from home?

Marynary · 26/05/2016 11:08

It's unfortunate if you are someone for whom a cold is more serious but I think it is unreasonable to expect everyone else to risk their jobs on the off-chance.

He isn't expected to risk his job though. We are talking about a situation where someone can work at home.

GabsAlot · 26/05/2016 11:08

how do u know he hasnt been told by the boss to come in or he wont be paid?

i know u said he can work from home maybe they want him in for something

i understand people have differnt immune systems but thats for them to sort out not this bloke

madein1995 · 26/05/2016 11:10

YABU. Aside from the fact that you were rude, having a cold isn't being ill. It's a pita (especially the runny nose) and you don't feel fantastic but can manage with tissues, olbas oil/nasal inhaler and some paracetamol, or if really bad, some lemsip max strength tablets are good. You don't need a day off work just because sniffling annoys someone.

Is there a limit on how many days at homehe could have that you don't know about? Presumably if you think he's too ill to be in work he should be too ill do be doing any sort of work, and there is most definitely a limit on sick days I imagine. With my employer, it's 3 sick days in 3 months and you get called in for a warning. I certainly wouldn't waste one of those on a cold. I'd self medicate and woman up, like I have before. A hard worker doesn't stay in bed at the slightest sign of a sniffle - they carry on as best they can.

SapphireStrange · 26/05/2016 11:20

Was coming back on to say the same as above, really: how can the OP lay down the law about the man going home when she doesn't know the details of how much sick time/work from home time he can take?

MackerelOfFact · 26/05/2016 11:25

Lots of employers make it very difficult to take time off sick without a huge amount of hassle. It's just not worth the stress for the sort of sniffly cold that can be powered through with a Lemsip. I've probably been that person in the past.

It does seem strange that he's chosen to come in when he has the option to work from home, but perhaps he doesn't feel as bad as he seems?

Marynary · 26/05/2016 11:25

Was coming back on to say the same as above, really: how can the OP lay down the law about the man going home when she doesn't know the details of how much sick time/work from home time he can take?

She said in her OP that they can work from home anytime they like. She can know this because she works there too and knows what the rules and policies are. Just because you don't work in a similar environment, it doesn't mean such policies exist. My workplace has similar policies so I would be seriously pissed off if someone came to the office with a bad cold.

Marynary · 26/05/2016 11:26

such policies don't exist

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 26/05/2016 11:29

I don't think YABU. If he spreads his germs to others and everyone in the office is affected I don't think the boss will be impressed. We had a chap who was coughing/spluttering all over the place in an office of ten.

Over the next month everyone went off sick, including the boss. It turned out to be more than a just a cold. I had to have antibiotics for two weeks and lost my voice temporarily.

Another worker lost her voice - her GP said that it may come back next day/week/month/year or never. She gave her notice in and six months later I bumped into her. We tried to have a conversation but she still couldn't raise her voice above a whisper. All caused by a germ-spreader. A fairly unusual situation but it could have been avoided.

SapphireStrange · 26/05/2016 11:30

I accept that the policy exists generally, Mary, but she quite possibly doesn't know the ins and outs of her colleagues' work and agreements with managers etc to the degree to be able to dictate to any of them.

Maybe this individual is trying to avoid going over his sick day allowance. Maybe he's been told he should work in the office this week/on this particular project/whatever. Maybe he is generally nervous about his place at work, for whatever reason or reasons, and wants to be present.

All slightly academic, though, because the bottom line is you don't just tell colleagues tersely that they should have stayed at home.

WriteforFun1 · 26/05/2016 11:32

Sapphire "Was coming back on to say the same as above, really: how can the OP lay down the law about the man going home when she doesn't know the details of how much sick time/work from home time he can take?"

In my workplace, we all work to the same conditions. It might be the case that OP works in a similar place.

SapphireStrange · 26/05/2016 11:35

Yes, it might. Or it might not be.

BillSykesDog · 26/05/2016 11:37

Er, yes it does. Have you never heard of the Bradford Factor? That exists almost exclusively so the sort of employee who takes a day off every time they have a sniffle can be sacked.

Working from home is also something that can quite easily be withdrawn if an employer feels an employee is taking the piss too. And an awful lot of employers would regard WFH because you have a sniffle as taking the piss. And a lot of WFH employees prefer to stick to WFH agreements rather than just playing fast and loose every time they have a minor ailment.

There is a world of a difference between the expectations of employers and the sensibilities of some of the delicate little flowers on MN who are squeamish about minor illnesses. And any employee would be mad to prioritise their colleagues fussiness above the priorities and expectations of the people who pay their wages.