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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change my driving instructor because I am still stalling after 10 months of lessons?

89 replies

twirlywoo69 · 25/05/2016 19:51

As the title says. I have been having lessons for 10 months and unable to drive my lesson without being prompted for 80% of it. I feel very nervous on the road and find driving really difficult. I still make frequent mistakes and usually stall or roll backwards at least twice a lesson. I really panic whenever I am at roundabouts and in town centres which also results in me making mistakes as I go completely blank. Im not sure if it's just me that is rubbish or my instructors method of teaching. Starting to feel quite down and embarrassed about how rubbish I am after so long. Is it normal for some learners to be stalling still etc after 10 months? Am I just a slow learner or should I just change instructors?

OP posts:

Original poster

twirlywoo69 · 26/05/2016 15:49

Thanks guys, yeah he changed from Audi to bmw diesel last month and since then my driving has deteriorated and I keep stalling or rolling back. I dread each lesson and can't sleep the night before worrying about it. I just feel like I have lost my mojo with it and sick of cocking up at roundabouts. I can tell he gets annoyed at me. I have had 32 lessons, 1 hour a week. I have not driven independently with him yet, just full prompting, so there is no way I feel ready for my test. Don't know if it's my instructor or me but if you saw me driving you would think I was only on my 10th lesson. Some really good advice though ladies, glad I'm not the only one who been through this.

OP posts:

The80sweregreat · 26/05/2016 15:58

Change instuctors for a few lessons and see how you get on. Hated my first few lessons as appeared to be getting nowhere. Changed over and the new guy was brilliant. Passed second time. Years ago now. Still dont like driving, but pleased i didnt give up. Its not easy, but if i can do it anyone can! Honestly.

LadyV90 · 26/05/2016 16:02

Op it sounds like part of the problem is your instructor, as a driving instructor I would imagine patients is key as some people will take longer than others to get the hang off. I think you need someone that will make you feel at ease and help your nerves. You should look forward to driving lessons not dread them, I actually missed my lessons a bit once I past.

Practice makes perfect you'll get there eventually.

JessTitchener · 26/05/2016 16:05

I've just had my third lesson and over half of it was clutch control.

The big clutchy bastard is my nemesis but I will conquer it!

Two hour lessons may suit you better, I have one two hour lesson a week and it means that I get about an hour and a half driving time.

OurBlanche · 26/05/2016 16:47

Ask him to advise on your next best move. He may suggest another instructor who specialises in people who feel very anxious, or he may know a good instructor with an automatic you can try.

If he is good he should be happy to help you find the perfect lesson. If he gets pissy, move on anyway!

MashesToPashes · 26/05/2016 16:55

It has to be worth trying a lesson with someone else. I've just started lessons again giving up in misery nearly 20 years to go and I'm loving driving. My new instructor is the most cheerful, supportive person I've ever met.

Also I'm learning in an automatic to start with. He's found that people who've had bad experiences before can get some confidence in an automatic, then make the switch to manual (if they want to, he doesn't make them).

MashesToPashes · 26/05/2016 16:56

... having given up in misery... English has not been my friend today.

Shelby1981 · 26/05/2016 17:02

definitely try someone else, but also, can you do more lessons per week/longer lessons? I was advised that if I just did an hour a week I'd be forgetting stuff by the next lesson, so end up having more lessons overall in the end and I think it was true. I did 90 minute lessons about twice a week which was good.

DiscoMoo · 26/05/2016 17:14

If you have access to a car, I'd advise spending time on clutch control. You don't even have to drive on the road, you can stay on a driveway, but find the biting point over and over until you learn what you are listening for and how the car responds. That will help the stalling issue. And I agree that changing instructor will probably help with the confidence issue.

HostaFireandIce · 26/05/2016 17:14

I would try someone else. It's not necessarily your instructor's fault exactly, but if he doesn't make you feel comfortable, you're not going to make as much progress as you otherwise might. It's actually quite a tense situation I think to be stuck in a car with someone for an hour or more at a time and it's important that you find someone you work well with.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/05/2016 17:22

Yes change!

I wish I had changed sooner ,I had a couple who were utterly useless, truly shocking.

NotYoda · 26/05/2016 17:28

I'd also think about changing to an automatic

I think if you are a little bit older when learning, and nervous, then an automatic frees you to have to do less of the thinking about what's going on inside the car and do more about what's going on outside the car

Heavenscent86 · 26/05/2016 17:28

I had this problem. About two years of stalling. Finally switched to automatic and passed my test within 6 months first time. Best decision I could have made.

NotYoda · 26/05/2016 17:29

...as well as trying an automatic, I'd also try changing instructors. If you've lost faith then it's necessary. It's important to feel 100% comfortable with them

Branleuse · 26/05/2016 17:30

automatic cars are not hard to get hold of, nor are they more expensive. There are loads of them, and it doesnt limit my driving particularly because how often do you drive other peoples cars?? If you need to change car, you just get another auto.

Seriously, they are the future

NotYoda · 26/05/2016 17:33

Branluese

I know. I don't know where this argument comes from.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 26/05/2016 17:48

My aunt has kept with a crap instructor and has still not passed her test years later!!!

I would change instructors then if you are still struggling with the clutch then i would try an automatic.

I passed my test 10 years ago at the age of 19. I have driven manuals for 10 years then 3 weeks ago i decided to buy an automatic. This was because dh had an auto but because of this he then was revving my car too much when he drove it and was always forgetting to change the gears.

This meant that if we went on a long journey i would have to drive as i was constanly telling him how to drive my car and it made journeys with him stressful.

So i traded my car in and got an automatic. I did have to buy it from new though as the car i wanted i couldnt get second hand in a auto within 5 years old.

I ve had the car 3 weeks and i dont think i would ever buy a manual again!!

I absolutely love the automatic and i ve never had a problem with manual.

StarkintheSouth · 26/05/2016 17:54

I passed last year after three years of lessons and I feel your pain, OP. The whole blanking, silly mistakes...I even considered hypnosis to deal with my issues!!!
Three years of this and it was a constant thorn in my side. My teacher was good but DH was often banging on at me to change as I wasn't improving and I'd often come home very angry and upset with myself. I didn't change because I wasn't quite sure if it was him or me and my nerves/general hatred of all things car related. But then, I moved house last year so I had to get a new teacher for the new area. I had a couple months with a new instructor in the quieter Essex roads in my new home. I don't know if he was better, but he was more relaxed and chatty. On my first lesson I explained I'd been learning ages but was still rubbish. And that lesson was just... easy. He was gobsmacked and me too! Maybe it was the roads being quieter than Central London, maybe it just clicked, I dunno what but it changed everything for me.
I took my test after like, 8 lessons with him and passed (3rd attempt overall.) I'm still very nervous, have only done one motorway session with a friend (who drives for her job) and I always stall in the Mini- mainly because it's so different to the Ford Focus I learned in and I am still getting used to it. But I'm getting there and pushing myself to drive as much as I can.
So you're not alone, totally understand your predicament, I cannot stress how much I was the same even after months and months. Practice really is the key and being confident in operating the car then you can deal with the stressy roundabouts. And to answer your question, I think you should change. It might be weird, you might have to shop around to find a dynamic that works for you, but I promise, from someone who was exactly the same as you for almost three horrendous years, you can do it. Best of luck!!!!

firawla · 26/05/2016 18:00

I would change to automatic if poss but yes I would change instructor too if they don't help you feel confident. I had 2 not great instructors and did lessons on and off for 3 years, the changed to another instructor who was a much better match for me and passed straight away. The previous two had always undermined my confidence, although dh had used one of them and got on well. If yours is not working for you, it's always worth a change it does make a difference

specialsubject · 26/05/2016 18:13

Automatics used to be gas guzzlers ( hence what I assume to be a comment from a land where fuel is free) and maintenance nightmares. This has changed if you can afford a car under 10 years old.

Car hire for auto only can be a pain, and they are harder to find if you buy privately. If these things aren't an issue, no problem. I prefer manual but that's just me. I also live somewhere that needs a hill start almost every time I go out.

Original poster

twirlywoo69 · 26/05/2016 19:53

@starkinthesouth Thanks so much for your beautiful post. There is hope! Xxx

OP posts:

engineersthumb · 26/05/2016 23:14

Sounds as though you should try another instructor. Fresh start, best foot forward! I'd stick with a manual car though, if thou take an automatic license you'll always be limited to auto cars which is areal pain from the company car, hire car or curtosy car point of view. Best of luck.

HeddaGarbled · 27/05/2016 00:07

It's the nerves and panicking that's causing your problems. Not stalling needs you to balance the clutch and accelerator smoothly and if you are panicking about moving off into gaps at roundabouts, junctions and traffic lights you will rush and mess it up. It's the pressure of all those cars behind you, isn't it?

I only really conquered this after passing my test (third time) and driving on my own for about a year.

You need lots and lots of practice, preferably with someone who keeps their mouth shut and doesn't wince or do sharp intakes of breath ever. If you manage to find such a person, treasure them because they are thin on the ground.

I've been on the other side of this, supervising children who were learning, and it's actually terrifying.

Original poster

twirlywoo69 · 27/05/2016 10:16

Yes! @Heddagarbbled! It's exactly that. In my head I know how to do it but when I approach a huge roundabout or crossroads I panic, this is what makes me go blank and just not move off smoothly! It's nerves. It's like when actors get stagefright. I actually stop breathing till I finish the roundabout and realise I've stopped breathing. You're so right! It's like common sense and logic goes out of window when you panic.

OP posts:

purpleapple1234 · 27/05/2016 10:27

I also suggest going automatic. A friend of mine was a nervous beginner driver in her 40/50s. Passed with no problems in an automatic. She would never have got out of the car park in a manual. She then bought a second hand car for less than 1000 which did her grand for years. Having moved to a country where nearly everyone drives automatics, it has really changed my opinion about driving them - for the better! Why make life harder for yourself than necessary?

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