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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be defensive about my child's school offer on appeal?

59 replies

Villagebike3 · 25/05/2016 18:13

My child was 3 points away from getting into a super selective grammar school. However, there were a range of mitigating circumstances that meant I had reason to appeal for a place. A place was offered today, my child is thrilled and so are we as we believe it is the right school.

There was no tutoring, although we got all the 11+ books from Amazon. Many children will come from private schools with small classes and good behaviour. My child was in the local primary in a class of 31 with 5 SEN children.

Another child got into the school as they are very bright and won a place straight off. I am friends with the dad and approached him in the playground to say our children will be going together to the school.

His comment really pissed me off: "really? How did you pull that off? It is a super selective."

AIBU to think he was 'dissing' my son? Who is a straight level 6 Secure across the board!

OP posts:
Villagebike3 · 25/05/2016 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Goingtobeawesome · 25/05/2016 19:32

Level six at primary?

Audreyhelp · 25/05/2016 19:32

Well the dad judged you . You didn't like it . You judged other children from the old school, looks like you will fit right in .
Well done for your child by the way .

MiffleTheIntrovert · 25/05/2016 19:34

If you have a DC with disabilities I'm surprised you would use such offensive language, tbh. Your last post just makes it worse. Referring to a child as "The ADHD" and The 'Cocaine Baby"!?

I don't think you're on the level to be honest so will just report and back away.

ample · 25/05/2016 19:34

Wow, he really said all that with his head up his own arse?? Some parents are super-talented Grin

I think the comment the OP made about a class of 31 including 5 SEN's could mean it was a busy class?

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 25/05/2016 19:35

I am guessing the SEN comment was made because they need more assistance or help and this can mean other children have to get on with it or may not get help when they need it. It's not beyond the relms of possibility. It happened when I was working in a school with a lot of children with SEN in the class. The children who were below average or average just couldn't get any help as the assistance was needed for the children with SEN. The teacher said this to me herself. It was why I was in that class. Everyone else is assuming OP means behaviour so get the facts before you start jumping up and down.

Just tell people who make stud comments that it's because your son us clever enough and leave it at that. It's none of their business anyway.

Audreyhelp · 25/05/2016 19:36

You can get disruptive children in any school they don't all have special needs.

BertrandRussell · 25/05/2016 19:36

That's what the selective system does to people.

Original poster
Villagebike3 · 25/05/2016 19:38

I am 'on the level' I just don't want to 'out' myself.

I think as you don't know the children I'm talking about and I clearly won't use their actual name, to be offended if I refer as 'ADHD child' rather than 'Child X' is just being precious.

a rose by any other name....

I'm just making it clear and concise.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 25/05/2016 19:39

You've made yourself very recognisable from your last post and I really don't think you should be posting those kinds of details about other people's children and their additional needs on a public forum.

lougle · 25/05/2016 19:40

I wanted to defend you from the way people are leaping on you about SEN, but I just can't get past the language you are using Sad

has ADHD, not 'is ADHD' I can't quite believe you said 'The ADHD.....'
There is no such thing as a 'Cocaine baby'. Shame on you for using such a lazy term to describe a child whose life has been hard from before she was even born.
'The Autistic boy' actually isn't bad in itself, but paired with the rest - it's that all you see him as? Is his Autism all that defines him?

I'm sorry you worry that your DS has been unfairly labelled as less able than a SSG warrants, but you need to look at your own labelling before you seek sympathy from others. Sad

Brainnotbrawn · 25/05/2016 19:42

I am guessing the SEN comment was made because they need more assistance or help and this can mean other children have to get on with it or may not get help when they need it.

That is what I thought too.

cannotlogin · 25/05/2016 19:43

beyourself. Would it be acceptable if I wrote my SEN child isn't getting the attention he deserves from his teacher because the G&T children are demanding differentiated work that meets their needs so the teacher is distracted? Or how about the the children who's parents have decided their cherubs should try for grammar school are demanding more than the fair share of the teacher's time so my SEN child isn't having his needs met?

Oh and as both a SEN parent and a teacher I get both sides. But suggesting SEN children are 'mitigating circumstances' is pretty low.

TheWanderingUterus · 25/05/2016 19:43

I would think the best of the situation and assume he said it because appeals for superselectives are very unlikely to succeed. In my area in the last 8 years there have been just 2 successful appeals for the two superselectives (out of hundreds). Congratulations to you and your son for this.

Brainnotbrawn · 25/05/2016 19:44

Lougle I went to meet DS' intervention team yesterday. I wish I could have brought you along to help them select their terminology appropriately Grin. They were atrocious and they definitely should know better.

Original poster
Villagebike3 · 25/05/2016 19:47

I don't like the selective system. However, neither does the comprehensive system work either. I don't have the anawer.

Our local school has a great rep. However it is small with just 3 streams in each year. My SEN son (does that offend any precious people out ther) is in the bottom set. But he works hard and wants to learn. His learning is disrupted by others who have no intention of being quiet and learning.

If he were is a larger school with more sets there would be flexibility to have classes at the bottom for children who want to learn and classes with children who don't. The Head told me this! However, it is a small school and there isn't flexibility.

If my 'Bright' son (again, do the delicate flowers out there take offence?) was in the local school, he would be in the top set. But in that class of 310-32 there may be 3 others at his level, another 10 a bit below and the other 18ish who were lower still. So would he be stretched and challenged? Perhaps sometimes, but you can't tell me that the class won't go as fast and at the level of the average!

Truly, my eldest should be in a special school (of which there aren't any) and my next child down in a grammar. Thankfully that has happened.

OP posts:
lougle · 25/05/2016 19:47

Have you ever seen a baby born to drug addiction? I used to work in a NICU. It was heartbreaking to see these little people shaking and trembling because of their withdrawal. To call this child a 'Cocaine baby' as if she is an inconvenience is utterly callous, in my view.

manicinsomniac · 25/05/2016 19:48

To be fair to the OP, I thought her first post just read like 'larger, mixed ability classes can be harder to succeed in' quite badly. I teach in a private school and my top set year 6 class of 17 children (which includes children with and without SEN but all of high ability) can get ahead much more easily as they are all able to tackle year 8 work and can have 100% of my time at that level rather than work away at extension work on their own. Similarly, my bottom set year 5 class of 10 children (which includes children with and without SEN but all of low ability) can have individualised support at their own year 3/4 level without having to share time with higher level children. Works better for both, imo, but isn't really to do with SEN at all, just ability and numbers.

The second post however - I really hope there were some accidental typos/words missed out and that OP wasn't really referring to 'the ADHD' - ouch!

lougle · 25/05/2016 19:49

BrainnotbrawnFlowers it shouldn't be so hard, should it?

TheFuckersBitingMe · 25/05/2016 19:50

DS1 (10) has ASD and scored the highest levels in his Y2 SATs at infant school and it's been mentioned he should be prepped for a selective school when he hits Y6 as his year head thinks he would absolutely wipe the floor with many of them. He's also one of the easiest children in the class as he flatly refuses to break school rules and dick about in class. ASD doesn't immediately mean that a child will be disruptive or attention-seeking.

I think your priorities have become a little skewed with all this school talk. Levels don't make the child just as ASD doesn't define the child.

cannotlogin · 25/05/2016 19:52

delicate flowers. Says it all, doesn't it?

TheWanderingUterus · 25/05/2016 19:52

I just wanted to add that there are children with additional needs in DDs class, some of whom regularly distract and disrupt the class.

The lessons they have taught DD about tolerance, kindness and understanding are the most valuable ones she has learnt at the school. She has also learnt that for some people victories and achievements are not academic, but are just as important and deserving of celebration.

It didn't stop her from flying into a superselective school place, hopefully it will stop her from being a hideous adult OP.

greyscalealmond · 25/05/2016 19:55

What a horribly offensive post.

BertrandRussell · 25/05/2016 19:56

Don't worry- your child is unlikely to come across any children with SEN or any of those nasty, disruptive, disadvantaged children in his new school.

MrsDeVere · 25/05/2016 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.