Or is DH? COFFEE related (V important)

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

I am lazy. If I make the coffee, and it's after 7pm, I make decaf for both of us as then I'm only opening one container and I always switch to decaf after lunch.

DH doesn't switch to decaf, even at 11pm at night weirdo so he was affronted when I told him this just now. He then said well he sometimes gives me caffeinated coffee in the evenings.

I am insisting that sneakily giving someone caffeine is worse than sneakily not giving them caffeine.

AIBU to switch him to decaf for my own laziness his health, and is he BU to think our crimes are equal?

(In case it's not clear, this is light hearted, no need to squeal first world problem at me or anything)

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties

Half and half. Mix the decaf with the caf.

Or just make one cup and have half each. Win-win

If he hadn't even noticed YANBU as it suggests his levels are pretty well topped up and he was getting the placebo effect from the ones you were making. Switching you off decaf is definitely worse, because it may mean you don't get a good night's sleep. Your crime is the lesser.

And, OP, you can save yours until the morning :)

Of course he's being more unreasonable. Giving you caffeine could prevent you from sleeping. Not giving him caffeine is likely to help him sleep. If he couldn't even tell the difference from taste then surely you've done him a favour. Surely the only purpose of having caffeine is to keep you awake...?

I think you're both being unreasonable. Surely you make your partner the kind you know they'd want?

It didn't occur to me that it was instant! (coffeesnob) I assumed it was a cafetière - as making two pots is clearly a faff. Making two cups from two different jars is not.

So I think you both need to stop being so lazy - (and drink some decent coffee!)

This is a very important subject.

I think HIBU for serving caffeinated at night. Even instant shite. That would keep me up too.

I think YANBU for the decaf. Instant is such shit I bet he doesn't notice ever. I do this too!

Can I please recommend a Nespresso. Individual pods, like

BTW, if you are ever in Greece, don't drink the house frappe. It is a cold coffee drink with ice, tastes amazing, but OMG it keeps you awake for 24h. They give it to kids too, I can't imagine how that works!

DP and I drink quite different soft drinks / teas, so am a bit bewildered by this.

I wouldn't serve someone decaf unannounced nor give someone ordinary coffee / tea if they requested decaf (although atm they wouldn't get decaf in this house, so herbal tea or a soft drink).

Don't get the issue with instant though? DP takes more milk than me and always sugar in tea - I don't see how it's more effort to get the sugar out than to grab the correct jar for instant

We have a Senseo coffee maker, and a cafetière, and lots of beautiful coffee. We just don't mind instant. I don't know how I would cope at work if I didn't like instant coffee. What do you do at work, whip out a coffee pod?

I boycott nestle so can't get an nespresso, no matter how beautiful George looks in the adverts

Some nights I sleep better than others. Now blaming him for all of it.

Love it.

I would say that giving caffeine to someone when they don't want it is basically administering a drug to them and not on.

But it would be nice if you made him caffeine coffee when you make your decaf.

What do you do at work, whip out a coffee pod?

I have these one cup filter things which are better than instant, not as good as 'real' coffee but can be made at desk with minimal fuss.

You have a Senseo and yet you drink instant muck coffee?

You're both being VU - forget the caffine debate!!

Note: you can get habituated to caffeine. I suggest you both take this up as a project so you can stop drinking disgusting instant coffee and start to drink the real stuff. I have 3 double espresso between 6am and 2pm and my sleep is fine. It only took a few weeks of increasing my intake to get to where I am now in my coffee consumption.

Andrew Marr used to drink a dozen espressos every day! and then he had a massive stroke

How can you not notice whether you've been given something caffeinated?

Well I'm probably still missing something buy lm a bit behind on voffee. Thankd to all for explaining :-)

YANBU, i don't drink caffeine after midday because i don't sleep well as it is, i would be pissed off. Your crime is less, especially if he's just drinking it for taste and hasn't noticed, i assume he doesn't need the caffeine after a certain point in the day, just has it out of habit?

That's the thing Stick I thought I would notice, I'd have thought I'd get a bit jittery. Maybe I did. Sometimes DH smiles at me in the evening, sneaky bastard probably noticed me getting more alert, enjoying my coffee, thinking all is dandy.

I react really badly to caffeine and have caught out a few people who claim that they have given me decaff. It get proper storming banging headache within about half an hour of drinking it.

I wouldnt mind quite so much but whenever I am offered coffee I always say that I can only drink decaff, so if they dont have it then I am happy with a glass of water. One person admitted that they did it to prove that I was just being picky. I suspect the others did it for the same reason. Now I just say no thank you.

Oh, and it happened once in Costa, I am sure it was just a mistake but my sister went nuclear at the staff before practically carrying me out of the place.

Sorry

In conclusion, he is be VVU. Decaff doesnt affect him but caffiene does affect you.

Honestly you are both BU to each other

Respect each others choices and make the coffee you know they would like.

it is not that hard to do.. Dh and i have different coffees and teas and in the 20 years we have been married I have never made him a cofee or tea I knew he wouldnt want Why would i do so to save 1 minute?

Bit of trust and respect needed by each other!

I agree this is a V important question. But the crucial difference between your DH being 'totally U' and being 'just a bit U' seems to me to to hang on whether you can prove you told him you didn't drink caffeine after 7PM, and do you know he took the info in .....? < apologies to any men in marriages or long term relationships who know they take in everything their wife/partner says to them>

Decaf still has some caff in it (although not as much as a hot chocolate). Caff is better for you because of all the chemicals used to remove the caff in decaf. Do with that what you will.

I read this with interest and compassion until it was revealed that you sometimes drink instant coffee. I mean, come on MNetters. We are not animals.

I love coffee but cannot tolerate caffeine. I also work a complicated schedule of part-time roles in various agencies. Does that mean I compromise and drink caffeinated coffee or worse Decaf instant? Clutches pearls and swoons briefly

Hell no. I am a MNetter and worth more than that. Everywhere I go my trusty camping coffee filter ( www.amazon.co.uk/iNeibo-Silicone-Collapsible-Coffee-Dripper/dp/B00W11G212/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1464129596&sr=8-4&keywords=camping+coffee+filter ) goes too.

I am aware that some people may find this weird and controlling. I remember thinking the same thing 40 years ago when my DD behaved in a similar way, but I have wised up since then. Standards are not to be compromised and a good nights sleep is not to be sneezed at. Not by me or any dwarf cons.