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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry about DS (age 5, Asperger's and possible dyspraxia ) on sports day?

39 replies

sh77 · 24/05/2016 20:53

I wish I could keep him home. He's been telling me he's been coming last in the practice races at school. I signed him up for a local athletics class to help but the other kids kept pointing out he was last, which was heartbreaking. I also saw for the first time that he struggled to coordinate himself. Paed thinks he may be dyspraxic. I don't know how he will cope on sports day.

OP posts:
namechangingagainagain · 25/05/2016 09:51

I have mixed feelings about this.
DS9 was under an OT for co-ordination issues.... no formal diagnosis of dyspraxia.
Sports Day has always been crappy. He ran really awkwardly (?sideways). He would come last..... by a long way. As a 5 year old he didn't care..... that changed as he got older. He has always wanted to go, and always had a look of absolute determination and concentration on his face ! but there were occasionally tears on the day which broke my heart!

WE seem to have turned a bit of a corner in the past 12 months. Although his co-ordination is still not the best he is very very determined. He can now run in a straight line( although he will never be very quick) and he tells me that he isn't coming last in the longer races... in fact he's doing quite well as other people "give up".

What I'm trying to say is whilst I loathe and despise sports day ( would you do a display of who is rubbish at maths or spelling??) actually it has in a way turned out to be positive for DS as he now sees that with determination you can achieve things you didn't think possible/ that effort is important too.

Still dreading this year though......

JoffreyBaratheon · 25/05/2016 09:53

Forgot to add, but my other adult dyspraxic son - who also loathed sports and competition as a kid - got his revenge as an adult when he became a programmer and worked for a while for a company who develop apps/software for various sports events/charities. He was earning mega bucks, from sport, despite his hate for sport. ;o) His dyspraxia was probably the reason he is such a talented developer and keeps getting head hunted for brilliant jobs. Meanwhile all those kids who used to thrash him on Sports Day - probably shovelling fries at McDonald's. ;o)

trewnes · 25/05/2016 09:58

*Teen my DDs school did that. Didn't stop the slow kids from feeling like shit.

They KNOW they're the slow kids.*

Honestly, I believe most of this attitude comes from the parents. At dd's primary EVERYONE gets cheered on and clapped, especially the kids who come last. The other children are lovely and last year my dd stopped before the line and went back to help a girl stuck in the obstacle course net (!) . Most of this snarky negative attitude comes from parents, not kids. Give them a chance.

trewnes · 25/05/2016 10:00

Forgot to add, but my other adult dyspraxic son - who also loathed sports and competition as a kid - got his revenge as an adult when he became a programmer and worked for a while for a company who develop apps/software for various sports events/charities. He was earning mega bucks, from sport, despite his hate for sport. ;o) His dyspraxia was probably the reason he is such a talented developer and keeps getting head hunted for brilliant jobs. Meanwhile all those kids who used to thrash him on Sports Day - probably shovelling fries at McDonald's. ;o)

competitive much Shock!?!

See what I mean. Such a mean spirited attitude (also I can bet most of the kids that beat him are NOT shovelling fries at macdonalds). Do you think the parents of the sporty kids at school wished that level of failure on your son at the time?

SideOrderofChip · 25/05/2016 10:14

DD1 is undergoing assessment for Dsypraxia.

She does sports days and her class cheers her on regardless

RTKangaMummy · 25/05/2016 10:17

My DS has hypermobility (esp in his knees) and dyspraxia

Sports days were a nightmare for him in primary school

The kids were ok but the parents would laugh and point etc

So I put an elastic bandage on each of his knees which did 2 things helped his hypermobile knees BUT it made a HUGE MASSIVE difference with the parents

They cheered and clapped him for his effort as they could "see" his disability

So if your children are also dreading sports day due to hypermobility or dyspraxia IMHO and IME tell the school that you are sending your DC with a elastic tubular bandage on their knees

JoffreyBaratheon · 25/05/2016 10:35

trewnes, that was a joke. But I guess there's an element of truth in it in so far as, in the grand scheme of things, those kids who are seen as 'PE gods' at school, may well not fare so well in the long term, as the kids who are seen as 'also rans' or even crap at sport.

I was going to say, also, from the perspective of someone who still has 2 school age kids but also 3 adult sons, in retrospect, some distant Sports Dat is unimportant. But of course, as a former educator I also realise it's not as for kids with things like dyspraxia, self esteem is a central and vital issue and Sports Day tends to knock self esteem badly.

As teachers, there's all kinds of stuff you can do to minimise that violently competitive edge Sports Day had years ago. But... as teachers you are rarely the one who gets to decide what 'Sports Day' is, and so it is hard to minimise the damage it might do.

I think the egos of those kids who excel at sports can be channelled and fed elsewhere - but the egos of kids with things like dyspraxia, are too fragile for Sports Day. I loathed it as a kid and FWIW, I loathed it as a teacher, despite doing my best to ameliorate its worst effects, for the kids I was most concerned about.

My youngest son is very sporty, utterly non dyspraxic, and plays football at a fairly high level for his age. He goes to a Sports College and plays on the school team as well as other teams. He's not been scouted but it is a distinct possibility. I love that he loves sport, even though the rest of us as a family find it boring. I've spent several years' worth of weekends, freezing cold and bored out of my head, taking him to games and training and spent money I don't have to keep him playing. He appreciates the fact we do this for him, week in and week out.

I'd be more concerned about the self esteem of a dyspraxic child being damaged by sport, than about the disappointment of the sporty kids having the whole thing scuppered. I've seen ridiculous things like Sports Days going ahead during heat waves when kids faint.... just... why? I long came to the conclusion it's about the ego of Head teachers, and has no educational value.

And would totally encourage OP to give their child the day off.

Most schools have Sports Days and Interform Sports etc - it is a royal waste of time, in terms of delivering the curriculum and as mum of a very sporty child as well as 3 dyspraxic kids, it's obvious to me that if Sports Days were ended, it would be no tragedy for the sporty kids as they're still out several hours a day, playing, training, etc anyway.

FreezerBird · 25/05/2016 12:24

*Freezer I'm glad your dd had a nice time with that race. I'd like to point out though, that for some children, the whole chanting and cheering you on as you stumble in last is just humiliating.

My DD said "I don't care that I'm last...I just hate them all looking at me and pretending to cheer me on at the end. It's awful"*

Oh I do get that - that would have been my feeling as a five year old with no disability! My point is that the atmosphere the school creates is key - and that includes knowing the children well enough to know what will be helpful or not for them, up to and including finding other roles for them at events like sports day.

The more I read about other people's experiences though, the more I think my kids' school is exceptional in the atmosphere of inclusion and acceptance that it promotes. There are learning support units on site and the whole school comes together for events like sports day and Christmas productions. Everybody contributes, and every contribution is valued.

FreezerBird · 25/05/2016 12:25

Bold fail, and I forgot to preview.

hewl · 25/05/2016 12:27

If a child has no disability and is competitive enough to really hate coming last so much that it makes them want to miss school, why not join a sports club or athletics club?

FreezerBird · 25/05/2016 13:10

I don't think you have to be competitive to hate coming last!

MaddyHatter · 25/05/2016 13:14

My DS is 9 and quite severely dyspraxic and has autism. He does the points stuff like beanbag throwing..etc, but sits out of the races.

insan1tyscartching · 25/05/2016 13:45

Ds is out of school now but he missed plenty of sports days, some where I kept him at home and others where the school allowed him to stay in the class with his TA.
One of the most memorable sports days was when he was being "encouraged" to take part in the bean bag race. He ran picked up the first bean bag and threw it straight at the head teacher's head, he had a ferocious aim and it nearly knocked her off her feet.It was well documented that anything he got hold of was likely to be a missile aimed at someone's head when he was stressed He then had two TA's and a teacher doing laps of the school field trying to catch him before he decided to go back to class. Unfortunately they decided to ignore my advice not to chase him and I refused to join in as that just encouraged him to run so it took a while before he gave up.
After that episode the school were more than willing to allow ds to choose for himself whether or not he took part in sports day tbh.
I would say trust your instincts and if you don't think he'll cope speak to the school and if school aren't sympathetic don't be afraid to keep him at home.

Bryonyc · 25/05/2016 13:47

My DC has various physical issues and is always a long way behind everyone else at Sports Day.

At the moment (Y3) he doesn't mind, he knows why he is slow and is just determined to do his best. He has a such a determined look on his face as he throws himself heart and soul into whatever event it is. It is bittersweet for me, watching. I'm so proud of how hard he tries and how he still greets coming last every single time with a big smile, but of course I find it upsetting to have to sit there and observe how his abilities are so different to his peers (and every year, the gulf gets wider). But, that's my issue, not DC's.

Lots of parents have come up to me and praised his determination and his spirit. And the school have given him special certificates when they hand out the winners certificates for "Being a good sport". He loves Sports Day.

His classmates are very supportive and accepting. Not being able to run fast or do things requiring coordination are (just one) part of who he is, and they all know that.

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