To worry about DS (age 5, Asperger's and possible dyspraxia ) on sports day?

[sh77]

I wish I could keep him home. He's been telling me he's been coming last in the practice races at school. I signed him up for a local athletics class to help but the other kids kept pointing out he was last, which was heartbreaking. I also saw for the first time that he struggled to coordinate himself. Paed thinks he may be dyspraxic. I don't know how he will cope on sports day.

[Bryonyc]

My DC has various physical issues and is always a long way behind everyone else at Sports Day.

At the moment (Y3) he doesn't mind, he knows why he is slow and is just determined to do his best. He has a such a determined look on his face as he throws himself heart and soul into whatever event it is. It is bittersweet for me, watching. I'm so proud of how hard he tries and how he still greets coming last every single time with a big smile, but of course I find it upsetting to have to sit there and observe how his abilities are so different to his peers (and every year, the gulf gets wider). But, that's my issue, not DC's.

Lots of parents have come up to me and praised his determination and his spirit. And the school have given him special certificates when they hand out the winners certificates for "Being a good sport". He loves Sports Day.

His classmates are very supportive and accepting. Not being able to run fast or do things requiring coordination are (just one) part of who he is, and they all know that.

[insan1tyscartching]

Ds is out of school now but he missed plenty of sports days, some where I kept him at home and others where the school allowed him to stay in the class with his TA.
One of the most memorable sports days was when he was being "encouraged" to take part in the bean bag race. He ran picked up the first bean bag and threw it straight at the head teacher's head, he had a ferocious aim and it nearly knocked her off her feet.It was well documented that anything he got hold of was likely to be a missile aimed at someone's head when he was stressed He then had two TA's and a teacher doing laps of the school field trying to catch him before he decided to go back to class. Unfortunately they decided to ignore my advice not to chase him and I refused to join in as that just encouraged him to run so it took a while before he gave up.
After that episode the school were more than willing to allow ds to choose for himself whether or not he took part in sports day tbh.
I would say trust your instincts and if you don't think he'll cope speak to the school and if school aren't sympathetic don't be afraid to keep him at home.

[MaddyHatter]

My DS is 9 and quite severely dyspraxic and has autism. He does the points stuff like beanbag throwing..etc, but sits out of the races.

[FreezerBird]

I don't think you have to be competitive to hate coming last!

[hewl]

If a child has no disability and is competitive enough to really hate coming last so much that it makes them want to miss school, why not join a sports club or athletics club?

[FreezerBird]

Bold fail, and I forgot to preview.

[FreezerBird]

Freezer I'm glad your dd had a nice time with that race. I'd like to point out though, that for some children, the whole chanting and cheering you on as you stumble in last is just humiliating.

My DD said "I don't care that I'm last...I just hate them all looking at me and pretending to cheer me on at the end. It's awful"

Oh I do get that - that would have been my feeling as a five year old with no disability! My point is that the atmosphere the school creates is key - and that includes knowing the children well enough to know what will be helpful or not for them, up to and including finding other roles for them at events like sports day.

The more I read about other people's experiences though, the more I think my kids' school is exceptional in the atmosphere of inclusion and acceptance that it promotes. There are learning support units on site and the whole school comes together for events like sports day and Christmas productions. Everybody contributes, and every contribution is valued.

[JoffreyBaratheon]

trewnes, that was a joke. But I guess there's an element of truth in it in so far as, in the grand scheme of things, those kids who are seen as 'PE gods' at school, may well not fare so well in the long term, as the kids who are seen as 'also rans' or even crap at sport.

I was going to say, also, from the perspective of someone who still has 2 school age kids but also 3 adult sons, in retrospect, some distant Sports Dat is unimportant. But of course, as a former educator I also realise it's not as for kids with things like dyspraxia, self esteem is a central and vital issue and Sports Day tends to knock self esteem badly.

As teachers, there's all kinds of stuff you can do to minimise that violently competitive edge Sports Day had years ago. But... as teachers you are rarely the one who gets to decide what 'Sports Day' is, and so it is hard to minimise the damage it might do.

I think the egos of those kids who excel at sports can be channelled and fed elsewhere - but the egos of kids with things like dyspraxia, are too fragile for Sports Day. I loathed it as a kid and FWIW, I loathed it as a teacher, despite doing my best to ameliorate its worst effects, for the kids I was most concerned about.

My youngest son is very sporty, utterly non dyspraxic, and plays football at a fairly high level for his age. He goes to a Sports College and plays on the school team as well as other teams. He's not been scouted but it is a distinct possibility. I love that he loves sport, even though the rest of us as a family find it boring. I've spent several years' worth of weekends, freezing cold and bored out of my head, taking him to games and training and spent money I don't have to keep him playing. He appreciates the fact we do this for him, week in and week out.

I'd be more concerned about the self esteem of a dyspraxic child being damaged by sport, than about the disappointment of the sporty kids having the whole thing scuppered. I've seen ridiculous things like Sports Days going ahead during heat waves when kids faint.... just... why? I long came to the conclusion it's about the ego of Head teachers, and has no educational value.

And would totally encourage OP to give their child the day off.

Most schools have Sports Days and Interform Sports etc - it is a royal waste of time, in terms of delivering the curriculum and as mum of a very sporty child as well as 3 dyspraxic kids, it's obvious to me that if Sports Days were ended, it would be no tragedy for the sporty kids as they're still out several hours a day, playing, training, etc anyway.

[RTKangaMummy]

My DS has hypermobility (esp in his knees) and dyspraxia

Sports days were a nightmare for him in primary school

The kids were ok but the parents would laugh and point etc

So I put an elastic bandage on each of his knees which did 2 things helped his hypermobile knees BUT it made a HUGE MASSIVE difference with the parents

They cheered and clapped him for his effort as they could "see" his disability

So if your children are also dreading sports day due to hypermobility or dyspraxia IMHO and IME tell the school that you are sending your DC with a elastic tubular bandage on their knees

[SideOrderofChip]

DD1 is undergoing assessment for Dsypraxia.

She does sports days and her class cheers her on regardless

[trewnes]

Forgot to add, but my other adult dyspraxic son - who also loathed sports and competition as a kid - got his revenge as an adult when he became a programmer and worked for a while for a company who develop apps/software for various sports events/charities. He was earning mega bucks, from sport, despite his hate for sport. ;o) His dyspraxia was probably the reason he is such a talented developer and keeps getting head hunted for brilliant jobs. Meanwhile all those kids who used to thrash him on Sports Day - probably shovelling fries at McDonald's. ;o)

competitive much !?!

See what I mean. Such a mean spirited attitude (also I can bet most of the kids that beat him are NOT shovelling fries at macdonalds). Do you think the parents of the sporty kids at school wished that level of failure on your son at the time?

[trewnes]

Teen my DDs school did that. Didn't stop the slow kids from feeling like shit.

They KNOW they're the slow kids.

Honestly, I believe most of this attitude comes from the parents. At dd's primary EVERYONE gets cheered on and clapped, especially the kids who come last. The other children are lovely and last year my dd stopped before the line and went back to help a girl stuck in the obstacle course net (!) . Most of this snarky negative attitude comes from parents, not kids. Give them a chance.

[JoffreyBaratheon]

Forgot to add, but my other adult dyspraxic son - who also loathed sports and competition as a kid - got his revenge as an adult when he became a programmer and worked for a while for a company who develop apps/software for various sports events/charities. He was earning mega bucks, from sport, despite his hate for sport. ;o) His dyspraxia was probably the reason he is such a talented developer and keeps getting head hunted for brilliant jobs. Meanwhile all those kids who used to thrash him on Sports Day - probably shovelling fries at McDonald's. ;o)

[namechangingagainagain]

I have mixed feelings about this.
DS9 was under an OT for co-ordination issues.... no formal diagnosis of dyspraxia.
Sports Day has always been crappy. He ran really awkwardly (?sideways). He would come last..... by a long way. As a 5 year old he didn't care..... that changed as he got older. He has always wanted to go, and always had a look of absolute determination and concentration on his face ! but there were occasionally tears on the day which broke my heart!

WE seem to have turned a bit of a corner in the past 12 months. Although his co-ordination is still not the best he is very very determined. He can now run in a straight line( although he will never be very quick) and he tells me that he isn't coming last in the longer races... in fact he's doing quite well as other people "give up".

What I'm trying to say is whilst I loathe and despise sports day ( would you do a display of who is rubbish at maths or spelling??) actually it has in a way turned out to be positive for DS as he now sees that with determination you can achieve things you didn't think possible/ that effort is important too.
Still dreading this year though......

[JoffreyBaratheon]

Three of my sons are dyspraxic (one is autistic as well), so I feel your pain, OP.

Personally, I'd say sod the attendance obsession schools now have, and keep him home/take him to the seaside for the day. Sports Day does nothing for the self esteem of many kids and in fact is actively damaging (and I say that as a former primary teacher who tried to eliminate the whole idea of 'competition' in anything sport related I ever did with my kids, because I loathed it myself).

One of my dyspraxic sons was quite a talented football player despite the dyspraxia so it isn't always doom and gloom (gave it up when puberty hit and he realised he was OK but not David Beckham - I wish he'd continued playing). One of my grown up dyspraxic sons now is a gym bunny (hated PE at school).

Rather thn mark him out further as 'Other', I'd just quietly give him the day off and go and have some fun.

[sh77]

I'm so touched by the responses and the posts had me in tears. It's very interesting to see the positive experiences also. It is my first sports day and the worry is probably more mine. I'll need to think about how to approach school. I'm already the PITA parent! We will go with it this year but I'm dreading it.

[Auti]

I have Aspergers.
I can still remember the humiliation of school sports and I'm now 47!
I would talk to the SENCO and ask them to exempt him from all competitive/team sports.
I am not saying do not do sports with him, just give competitive/team sports a miss, they are stressful for many Aspies.
Individual non-competitive sports are much better eg jogging, cycling, martial arts, climbing etc.
Hope you work something out x

[hazeyjane]

How are the school with it all?

Ds had his sports day today, he runs with a 1-1, but there are quite a few children with SN who do the same. He usually comes last but he loves it and school organises it really well, if he was upset about it I don't know what I would do

Lots of other children will come last as well though, and if it like our sports day today there will be a few tears from overwhelmed year Rs and children who lose their shoe while running and egg and spoon runners who throw the egg over the finish line - it is chaos but fun!

[VioletBam]

Freezer I'm glad your dd had a nice time with that race. I'd like to point out though, that for some children, the whole chanting and cheering you on as you stumble in last is just humiliating.

My DD said "I don't care that I'm last...I just hate them all looking at me and pretending to cheer me on at the end. It's awful"

That was how she felt.

[Fanjango]

A conversation with the teacher and SENCO....no idea where spellcheck went there...

[FreezerBird]

If it's his first Sports Day, is it your first too? If so it might be worth chatting to the school to see how they handle it.

The attitude of the school is what will determine how your ds gets on I think. If they're dismissive of your concerns, there's your answer.

But it doesn't have to be awful. My dd is in y3, has various health problems and is tiny for her age. Last year in y2, for the first time she had to do a longer race - not just along the straight but a whole lap of the field. This means that for half the race the kids are away from where the parents are sitting, so they place y6 children at strategic points along the way to encourage the little ones. DD was last, by a long way, and as she went she 'collected' the y6's and they all crossed the line together, holding hands, to huge cheers and applause from staff, children and parents.

It was beautiful. The HT was passing me tissues.

[Fanjango]

My son has dyspraxic traits and sensory issues. He hates sports day. His school have been very understanding. Perhaps a chance never stationing the teacher and SENCO would be a good idea. They may be able to organise him into something he can take part in easier

[VioletBam]

Teen my DDs school did that. Didn't stop the slow kids from feeling like shit.

They KNOW they're the slow kids.

[VioletBam]

Keep him off. I wish I'd kept my uncoordinated and slow DD off more sports days. She did every single one in primary and always came last aside from one race which she always came 3rd or 2nd in. She HATED it.

I get so mad about Sports Days. WHY? We don't have a bloody music day or an art day or an English Literature day!

It's humiliating for some kids. Imagine if the kids who were shit at spelling had to do it in front of the parents and their peers on a special day of awards and cheering? Imagine that!

[Creasedupcrinkle]

Keep him off. Life is complicated enough with additional needs, so if you would rather he didn't have the same experience he has had in the practices, then a little "virus" is the way forward. He's 5. Balls to overprotection!