To feel guilty and that ds deserves better?

[BlueSpanishEyes]

Every day I feel so guilty that we live in a tiny rented flat, all my savings are slowly disappearing since I went on Mat leave, I'm so worried that we will never be able to take ds on nice holidays, buy a house with a garden for him etc. I genuinely thought we could afford to have a baby and now I cry with guilt thinking that he will have such a basic life with us.

I know a small child whose mothers idea of great parenting is to bombard him with things and stuff every single hour not at school is spent doing something usually something very expensive because that's how mum rolls.
A normal weekend for this kid is usually filled with the sort of outing that most people would consider a decent birthday treat from Lego land to Lapland.

He is almost 10 now (has no additional needs) he has no idea how to just play or to just be,no idea how to interest himself no concept of anticipation or delayed gratification and has almost nothing left to be pulled out of the hat for a treat,in all fairness he has no idea what a treat even is. He also can be insufferably spoilt and unplesant. Money is never going to buy that kid happiness it's never going to make him comfortable or at peace with the world and its incredibly sad to watch.

Money is not everything nor should it ever be.

He would be much better served by life if his mum actually sat and read with him or played with him or just spent time with him when that time didn't involve distracting with expense. Stuff like that is far more important than things like holidays and gardens.

On a different note the average GP is pretty used to people randomly bursting into tears they don't mind and if it means you get to tell them how you are feeling then they will welcome it because it's always best to tell someone who can help you when it comes to PND

The thing babies and toddlers need most is to feel loved and wanted that is the most important thing in the world.
We all know examples of people who had every social and material advantage and grew up miserable (off the top of my head Princess Diana springs to mind , not to mention generations of toffs who were wet nursed by nannies and then packed off to boarding school). The acres of land on the family estates were no substitute for love and attention.

You have given your DC the priceless gift of love and attention in his most formative months , something that many children never have. You made financial sacrifices to do your best for him and I am so sorry that is causing you anxiety now.
Wherever you end up living and however much you eventually earn nothing will ever take away the priceless benefits that your early love and attention have given your son.

And for what it is worth, I remember walking the streets with my DH and our DD1 in a pram, crying because we would never be able to afford my then dream home - a halls adjoining 30s's semi with a downstairs loo. 20 years later I have all that and so much more but my happiest times will always be those early days as a hard up, penny pinching SAHM mum with two little ones to whom I was the world.

I used to live in a house with a garden and then moved to a flat with my kids. There are a lot of benefits to being in a flat such as when it's a nice day we'll all make the effort to go out to the park rather than shoving the kids out on their own in the garden. It can promote more family time.
Besides in many countries its normal for a flat to be the main type of accommodation rather than houses. I think Britain is different in that way. Hope you get the help you need. xx

I went to my GP and just said that I was very anxious and upset all the time, She prescribed me some ADs and that was that! One of my terrors was that if I admitted to my pnd that 'someone' would come and take my DS away from me. That fear prevented me from going to the GP for years. But that was all in my head. 2 years on, life is much better. I have been weaned off the ADS now, but they helped get my brain back together.

I brought my daughter up single handed since she was 3. We lived in a tiny house compared to all of her friends, (think pools, ponies etc) We didn't go on the exotic holidays her friends did . She's 25 now and we have an amazing close relationship. Not along ago she told me that she feels she had the happiest childhood out of all her friends.

You sound lovely, be kind to yourself.