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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of someone else's pregnancy news?

36 replies

MySisterTotallyIs · 24/05/2016 01:43

I am mid 30's, single and starting to think it will never happen for me.

One friend has a three month old, another friend gave birth days ago, and another is about to drop. I did not feel jealous of their pregnancies.

But I've just accidentally found out a colleague's wife has just passed the 12 week mark and I'm overcome with jealousy and sadness.

I think maybe all 4 pregnancies when I feel ready to be a Mum and have a family but there's no sign of MY TURN is just a bit much really Sad

Am I horrible to be jealous? Or is it normal?

Oh and regular poster using a recent NC

OP posts:
Vickyyyy · 24/05/2016 01:46

I would say it is normal. I used to dread going onto facebook or for days out with my friends as I would get irrationally upset and jealous if someone announced they were pregnant. We tried for 6 years to conceive DD...and it seemed like every day someone else was saying they were pregnant. The worst ones were those who feel the need to tell the world it was a 'mistake'. I was so irrational at times, raging on about how its unfair and such.

Mummyme1987 · 24/05/2016 02:10

It's natural to feel this way, give yourself a break xx

BoxofSnails · 24/05/2016 02:25

Not horrible. A pretty normal stage to be going through. I remember bursting into tears when a close friend announced they were expecting no 3.

But time is a healer - that and working on things with a counsellor. I am mid 30s and my husband and I will not be having children. I'm learning to I've with that and hear friends' news with joy - tho fortunately they are mostly done now and I can be an involved adult in their children's lives.

Original poster
MySisterTotallyIs · 24/05/2016 02:37

I think I found being happier for my friends easier precisely because they were my friends.

I like my colleague tremendously, but it's not the same relationship, and his wife, though much of what I know of her is hearsay, his version, various reports and social media is a right PITA.

I suppose it makes it easier to be jealous, because I'm not jealous of a friend, but that somehow makes it worse like it's nastiness because I haven't got the best opinion of her.

I'm not a cunt honestly, but she's a gets what she wants type and I just don't seem to. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess.

Pity Party for 1. Wine

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 24/05/2016 08:20

I was massively jealous after I had mc and 5 people in a week announced pregnancies. It is horrid feeling and felt very guilty. Maybe it shows you are ready, instead of a pity party for one, do something, put plan in place to find a husband or go to a donor. I had first baby at 39.

jonsnowssocks · 24/05/2016 08:32

Your reaction is totally normal and understandable. Like pp said, I guess the only constructive thing you can do about it is start looking actively at your next options if you're not already. Can I join you for that glass of wine? WineSmile

BillBrysonsBeard · 24/05/2016 10:57

Totally normal OP, you are human and it's not like being jealous of house or new handbag! I hope you get what you want Flowers

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/05/2016 12:01

Trust me youre not alone. I actually threw my tablet against the wall because someone on here a total stranger had announced their pregnancy.

Pinkheart5915 · 24/05/2016 12:04

I can understand why you'd feel a pang of jealousy if it's something you want.
After I had a stillborn DD I was jealous of all the pregnancy woman around, I have my happy ending with ds now though.

As long as you don't let your jealousy show your not being unreasonable to feel this way.

LittleLionMansMummy · 24/05/2016 12:13

You can't help the way you feel op, just try not to let it show.

When I was ttc I remember everywhere I looked at work women were pregnant and at times it felt very personal because I was struggling so much. Dsis then had dniece and I was so pleased for her and threw myself into being an auntie. But as for colleagues/ strangers I just used to think 'why can't that be me?'

Original poster
MySisterTotallyIs · 24/05/2016 14:45

I think as well, the issue is, mainly, that in RL life everything is PREGNANT PREGNANT BABY BABY and conversations in work were kind of baby free and now it's the same conversations over and over with multiple people none of whom know each other so:

Best Friend, Local Friend, Internet Friend and now Colleague

Social media does not help particularly as hitherto both colleague and wife were quite rabid "child free living" "too selfish for parenthood" "kids and their yucky sticky fingers" "having to buy presents for other peoples kids and getting nothing in return because we're child free" comment types

Thanks for the sympathies, nice to know I'm not just a cuntysaurus

OP posts:
ThinkPinkStink · 24/05/2016 15:15

You are absolutely not alone.

I was single well into my 30's and found pregnancy news really tricky - not because I wanted a baby there and then, but because I wanted someone to promise me that my time would come.*

If you're a cuntysaurus, then I'm a velosocunter.

*ps my time did come, and there is a much higher than average probability that yours will too.

primarynoodle · 24/05/2016 15:17

Absolutely not UR.

I lost my baby girl at 14 weeks due to a lethal diagnosis and even now i am 33 weeks pregnant with a so far healthy baby still get fiercely jealous and irrationally angry at people announcing their pregnancies. I cant help it!

Its totally normal and i hope and am sure it will happen for you xx

Original poster
MySisterTotallyIs · 24/05/2016 16:29

Thank You Flowers

my time will come - crosses fingers

OP posts:
Tryingtostayyoung · 24/05/2016 18:14

Totally reasonable Flowers
I feel like this at the moment, I've been trying for a while now and it just hasn't happened yet which I very naively didn't think would happen to me because with DD I got pregnant the first month of trying and everyone around me is having baby's

Andbabymakesthree · 24/05/2016 18:20

Not unreasonable at all.

Take heart in the fact that lots of my friends were in your exact situation a few years ago. Many of them have gone on to have relationships and children.

For some it meant reevaluating what they wanted in terms of relationships and work. It also meant changing how they socialised and being more focused on expanding network...not POF or tinder!

oliviaclottedcream · 24/05/2016 18:21

It surely will MySister. Please try not to fret about it too much. Flowers

SinisterBumFacedCat · 24/05/2016 18:24

This was me 8 years ago pretty much every month. The worst thing was people making pregnancy announcements 3 months after their wedding day! How could they be so lucky?

You are not a cuntysaurus great phrase though my DS turned 6 last weekend, sometimes it just takes a little longer, but it makes us appreciate it all the more. Flowers

Original poster
MySisterTotallyIs · 24/05/2016 18:34

Believe me I'm steering well clear of Tinder and POF

I tried hobbies book clubs/choirs. Nearly 100% women and the small percentage of men were married/ plus 55

What hobbies/extracurricular can I take up were I might meet eligible beau?

I've been there done that with the clubbing circuit. And I'm NOT doing online dating.

OP posts:
LonestarStateOfMind · 24/05/2016 18:37

Flowers i think it's ok to feel sad for yourself in this situation and still be happy for others. It's ok to feel jealous of someone else but not wanting to take away from them.

I am in a similar situation, mid 30s and suddenly single. Dsis has recently had a baby and whilst I'm truly delighted for her as she deserves every happiness, privately I am struggling. I also feel guilty for feeling like this. I love Dn very much though. These are complex emotions, irrational and uncontrollable.

Fingers crossed for both of us op.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 24/05/2016 18:45

You are perfectly normal OP. My friend announced her pregnancy while I was miscarrying. She wasn't to know at all-it was early and I hadn't told anyone-but I hated her for a while (though I never showed it).
Also, just to back up what others have said, I was 34 when I met DH and 37 when I had my DS. Like you I worried it would never happen-then suddenly it didSmile

Original poster
MySisterTotallyIs · 27/05/2016 21:21

WELL!!!!!!!

Colleagues wife is emphatically NOT pregnant, but it was a deliberately goady attention seeking social media statement implying that she was. Other people thought the same, he has been asked more than once.

Who's the cuntysaurus now.

I thought my low opinion of her before was mean spirited and unfair - now not so much!!!

And I'm definitely not a cuntysaurus because someone else genuinely announced yesterday and I was thrilled for her because she has lost a child in the last 12 months.

And it's people who crave children and people who lose children who make people like colleagues wife a right fucking disgrace.

OP posts:
maggiethemagpie · 27/05/2016 22:56

I was horrified when, struggling to get pregnant, a friend revealed they'd had a miscarriage and I felt an involuntary sense of relief. Because then I would not have to be jealous of her pregnancy. It was only for a moment and i felt disgusted with myself, but I couldn't help how I felt. Neither can you. So I do understand where you are coming from, please don't blame yourself.

TattyDevine · 27/05/2016 23:02

I would just say it's normal to feel a pang, regardless, I've had 2 children and genuinely feel I am done (to the extent a recent pregnancy scare had me shitting bricks) yet you can still feel a weird pang about baby news, even when your family is complete and you are genuinely happy for others - which makes you officially not an arsehole.

natalilly84 · 28/05/2016 00:25

YANBU DP and I have been ttc for about 18 months now. I had a melt down in Asdas a few weeks back whilst looking for baby clothes to buy for his cousin whose baby who is due any day now. Big hugs xxx