Friend trying to buy my childs toy

[AnnoyinglyFriendlyFriend]

I've name changed for this as information is quite identifying:

There's a woman I know from school (not even really that as she wasn't in any of my classes) who has a 4 month old baby girl, my DD is a year old. We'll call her Linda. Linda has the same birthday as me so I think that's why she "latched" onto me. I think she's lonely, her partner lives in the city the opposite direction to my her village (basically you go through my town to get to it), and sees her when he comes down to my town once a week - he's the father of her baby. She can't drive so has to get the twice daily bus or lifts to my town. I completely empathise with her, but she's getting a bit much - she's always messaging me on Facebook, asking to meet up and has twice asked me to babysit her daughter (when she was only a week old the first time) so that she could see her partner. We've met up several times both in her village (I can get lifts) and in my town but she can be annoying as it's obvious she's lonely. She's always commenting on everyone's (even if she's not friends with them - when a mutual friend comments) Facebook pictures and is always trying to find a way to get to see her partner more by asking people for lifts/bus money. I do really feel sorry for her situation.

Anyway, my best friend, we'll call Kerry, lives in the same village as Linda. I know Kerry through DH's work and we've all become really good friends, including Kerry's husband. Apart from living in the same village and having me as a friend on facebook Kerry and Linda do not really know each other.

Kerry has recently been away on holiday and she bought back a personalised teddy of the countries national animal - it has my DDs initials and birthdate on. It's lovely and must have cost a fortune. Kerry also bought back a smaller non personalised version, for my DD to "play" with. Of course my DD loves the small teddy toy and it's currently her favourite alongside her cat toy which she's had since birth.

Before giving them to my DD, Kerry posted a photo on Facebook asking if they would be ok for her, she tagged me, DH and my MIL (Kerry's mum works with my MIL - it's that kinda town.) Of course Linda saw the tags and asked Kerry to buy one for her own DD saying she'd pay for it. Kerry refused to buy for Linda as she didn't know her well, and also it was the last day of her holiday and she didn't want to be rushing around buying things for other people when she should of been enjoying herself.

Linda is now messaging me every few hours asking if she can have the smaller toy as apparently my DD doesn't need both. She's offering me money and trying to arrange to meet me so she can see if her DD likes it.

I've said no, defriended and blocked her on Facebook. She's now messaging my husband and MIL (she's never even met my MIL!) to try and get them to persuade me to make DD part with her toy. She's also messaging Kerry asking when she's going again so she can get Linda's DD one.

How the hell can I get her to go away and leave me alone?

Hmm. It sounds as though she's having a hard time and has rather lost her sense of what's appropriate / sensible. Realistically, she could buy a toy from Amazon but it sounds as though she's fixated on this one.

Are there any baby groups etc round you? Could you invite her out to hang with a big group? That way, it takes some of the pressure off you but means you won't be cutting her out.

Poor woman. Good that you passed on the message to your HV, and I hope her HV is able to point her to the kind of support she needs.

Poor you as well. It's hard when you empathise with a person, but still need to keep your distance from them, because they're asking for something you can't give them (and I don't mean the stuffed toy). She's isolated, with a baby, a mostly-absent partner, and possible MH issues. No casual friendship or stuffed toy can make up for that; her needs are great and they're just not within your capacities to respond to, nor is it your responsibility.

She is not a well person. Cut ties with her. You don't need that kind of behavior in your life.

I would second those posters who suggest contacting a HV or possibly this woman's local health centre and expressing your concerns. The fact that she is acting so obsessively and irrationally about acquiring a toy that her DD is far too young to even care about would suggest some sort of MH issue like PND as mentioned earlier.

You don't have to continue to have personal contact with this woman yourself, but a phone call explaining what you've told us here, and saying that you're concerned that she may be in need of more support, may be the kindest and best way forward, I would think.

The OP has already raised concerns to her HV and HV said she would pass it on to the colleague who has responsibility for the woman in question. Not sure what else the people thought the OP should be doing - she doesn't say that she's a trained counsellor, mental health nurse or GP. She HAS taken responsibility by raising concerns.

And btw, sleeponeday Luna is a Harry Potter character.

LunaLoveg00d

I think sleeponeday 's point was that Luna Lovegood in HP could be one of 'life's waifs and strays, lost souls, socially awkward people'

She sounds very lonely. I agree that you need to be careful as her behaviour is odd. I agree with PP who suggested taking her to a baby group. Why don't you take her to playgroups and baby classes so that she will meet lots of other mums. It would be good to go to the same playgroup repeatedly so that she might get close to some of the other mums. Over time she will make more friends and you won't feel her pulling on you so much

I'm fully aware of who Luna is, thanks. I'm equally aware that her social awkwardness and eccentric behaviours are explained as a reason why she had no friends when Harry met her. She's a lovely person who simply doesn't know how to interact in a conventional way.

Your views on the worth of those without good social skills make that username a tad, um, surprising.