Friend trying to buy my childs toy

[AnnoyinglyFriendlyFriend]

I've name changed for this as information is quite identifying:

There's a woman I know from school (not even really that as she wasn't in any of my classes) who has a 4 month old baby girl, my DD is a year old. We'll call her Linda. Linda has the same birthday as me so I think that's why she "latched" onto me. I think she's lonely, her partner lives in the city the opposite direction to my her village (basically you go through my town to get to it), and sees her when he comes down to my town once a week - he's the father of her baby. She can't drive so has to get the twice daily bus or lifts to my town. I completely empathise with her, but she's getting a bit much - she's always messaging me on Facebook, asking to meet up and has twice asked me to babysit her daughter (when she was only a week old the first time) so that she could see her partner. We've met up several times both in her village (I can get lifts) and in my town but she can be annoying as it's obvious she's lonely. She's always commenting on everyone's (even if she's not friends with them - when a mutual friend comments) Facebook pictures and is always trying to find a way to get to see her partner more by asking people for lifts/bus money. I do really feel sorry for her situation.

Anyway, my best friend, we'll call Kerry, lives in the same village as Linda. I know Kerry through DH's work and we've all become really good friends, including Kerry's husband. Apart from living in the same village and having me as a friend on facebook Kerry and Linda do not really know each other.

Kerry has recently been away on holiday and she bought back a personalised teddy of the countries national animal - it has my DDs initials and birthdate on. It's lovely and must have cost a fortune. Kerry also bought back a smaller non personalised version, for my DD to "play" with. Of course my DD loves the small teddy toy and it's currently her favourite alongside her cat toy which she's had since birth.

Before giving them to my DD, Kerry posted a photo on Facebook asking if they would be ok for her, she tagged me, DH and my MIL (Kerry's mum works with my MIL - it's that kinda town.) Of course Linda saw the tags and asked Kerry to buy one for her own DD saying she'd pay for it. Kerry refused to buy for Linda as she didn't know her well, and also it was the last day of her holiday and she didn't want to be rushing around buying things for other people when she should of been enjoying herself.

Linda is now messaging me every few hours asking if she can have the smaller toy as apparently my DD doesn't need both. She's offering me money and trying to arrange to meet me so she can see if her DD likes it.

I've said no, defriended and blocked her on Facebook. She's now messaging my husband and MIL (she's never even met my MIL!) to try and get them to persuade me to make DD part with her toy. She's also messaging Kerry asking when she's going again so she can get Linda's DD one.

How the hell can I get her to go away and leave me alone?

You're right she won't be coming over, don't trust she wouldn't try and take DDs other toys instead.

I wouldn't invite her over. If she arrives unannouced don't open the door. If you can't see in advance say "I'm sorry I can't invite you in as I'm about to go out".
Her behaviour was bizzarre and suggests major issues. I feel sorry for her, but you have a DD to consider and where does this end?

Taking the toys would be the least of my concerns to be honest. The woman sounds unbalanced.

Her baby is very small and she is on her own, I think you are right to wonder about PND. Definitely please talk to your HV, your friend is very vulnerable at the moment...but that doesn't mean you have to ask her to your house or sell her your DD's toy.

Don't invite her over!!

Poor fucking Linda.

Get everyone to block her and do not invite her over, she sounds unwell so if you're concerned for her I'd contact someone who can speak to her.

YANBU at all, OP.

It's like she saw what a real friendship looks like on Facebook (a friend getting a gift for her friend's DD) and is somehow trying to replicate that for herself, by trying to buy the gift.

I don't think it's the toy she is after so much as what it represents.

if she is lonely, being on Facebook and seeing these kinds of interactions must make her feel even lonelier.

However, I think you're right to speak to the HV and leave it there. I would feel out of my depth in this situation.

How the hell can I get her to go away and leave me alone?

"Fuck off" is a complete sentence.

Granted, it's a rude sentence, but you're getting nowhere with polite ones.

I feel desperately sorry for her. She could have one or similar and sounds very isolated. Do you actually like her and want her as a friend minus the odd behaviour? If so could you have a word with her about her inappropriate actions?

If you don't want her as a friend then obviously cut contact. But try and speak to a hv or something to get her on their radar maybe.

Is this something like a toy koala or kangaroo? Surely she can get one online extremely easily?

I feel sorry for her

Tell her to buy her own, then stop contact with her. I think we have all at some point had a friend who has practically turned into a stalker. I have had 2 over the years, first one was the Mum of one of my sons best friend, she borrowed money all sorts, she was divorced, benefits, plus working partner, very quickly, just marched into my house, "Its only me", she would ask to use the phone, dryer, never got a penny. I was skint. We moved, and our new neghbour was full on heavy, she didnt borrow, she kept coming round, I worked nights had a sign on the door, I was in bed, bought me presents, would leave me alone.In the end I would be crawling along under the window cill, hiding, she was tall and would actually stick her head in my window, cooee its only me.it got ridiculous, but she got very nasty when i ignored her, I felt sorry for her at first. I then got friendly with another neighbour, who had had exactly the same problem with her. its a bit creepy and uncomfortable a woman you have only known a few weeks being you expensive presents!

Vipers at their best on this thread.
Depressing actually.

Linda sounds very lonely and is clearly unwell. Either avoid, block or say straight that she needs to stop 'bothering' you especially as situations like this can be emotionally draining. Or ask her how she is doing and if things are ok. She doesnt need to be made out to be the local 'weirdo' fgs.

Vipers at their best on this thread.
Depressing actually.

Really? I wouldn't admittedly go as far as telling someone to fuck off as has been suggested, but not everyone has time or the inclination to deal with this sort of odd, needy, attention-seeking behaviour. Especially the OP who has a newborn. If "Linda" needs professional help then the OP has said she would speak to her health visitor and flag concerns.

Why would you want to take on responsibility for dealing with life's waifs and strays, lost souls, socially awkward people who just don't realise that their behaviour is wholly inappropriate? Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. Pass her onto the professionals and reduce contact.

Don't just not invite her over, but don't meet up with her at all.

By all means have a conversation with her and tell her her behaviour is odd and she perhaps needs to see a doctor, or even contact health professionals yourself If you are worried about her dd, but back off from her completely. She has well overstepped the mark and is no friend of yours.

She sounds like she might be suffering from mental health issues.

Speak to Health Visitor. Do you know her partner? He needs to be made aware.
I think you need to disengage if this friendship isn't one you can continue.

I know she's not technically your responsibility in any way, OP, but I really think I'd struggle to cut her off knowing what you know.

She doesn't sound well and she sounds totally isolated. That's really a worrying combination that can end very badly.

I think leelu66 is right and she is in a bad place.

Speak to HV if you can but beyond that I don't think there is much you can do to help if you want to save your own sanity.

Her whole situation seems strange - asking people for money for bus fayre to see her BF but then offering you money to buy a toy. Where is her BF in all this?

Come on the sentence ' latched on to me' is bloody awful. Just distance yourself or support her. I actually have a feeling this post may be a bit of a joke tbh.

I would feel sorry for her too. I would not sell the toy, but I would get something similar to give as a gift to her dd. But also try and limit contact with her. This is also why I hate tagging on FB.

I do feel sorry for her, the first few months with a baby are hard and I had my husband around for support. I do like her as a person when she's not acting oddly, so while I'll back off for now I don't want to completely cut her off.

I rang my health visitor this morning and it's one of her colleagues the baby is under but she's going to pass on my concerns. I do think she needs help. Not sure whether her boyfriends aware but he doesn't seem to want to be massively involved either, so don't want to contact him and possibly make their situation even worse.

I do hope she's ok. Before her daughter was born she was normal. I know she's living with her mum and step-dad so do wonder if that's got something to do with it.

I've done everything I can for now. Had no more messages off her asking about the toy, but had one asking to meet up - I'm busy that day anyway so gonna leave it for now with her.

Thanks for the help guys.

Why would you want to take on responsibility for dealing with life's waifs and strays, lost souls, socially awkward people who just don't realise that their behaviour is wholly inappropriate? Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. Pass her onto the professionals and reduce contact.

Your username is very oddly chosen, Lunaloveg00d. I agree this friend sounds very unwell and the OP needs to be careful that she isn't being badgered to give more than she can spare, as the Mumsnet warning goes, but if none of us "took responsibility for dealing with" anyone at all vulnerable, then some lovely but socially awkward people would be very lonely - your threshold seems disturbingly high.

Well done for calling the health visitor, OP, as she does sound vulnerable in the extreme. I'm really sorry you are having to handle this, as it does sound hard. I hope she gets the support she needs and recovers her equilibrium.

Very worrying.

She's obviously got issues, but people are right that that's not your problem. You don't owe everyone with issues your time, especially when that negatively impacts on you- your life or your own mental health.