To tell friends about their partners plans?

[rufftweetdave]

I have been best friends with a couple since high school. We were part of the same club and hung around together with a few other people. In year 9 Bob and Jane (changed names) got together and have been a couple for 15 years. They have 3 kids but never married.

My husband does an activity with Bob twice a week and during that time me and Jane get together.

She confided in me that she isn't happy anymore and wants to leave Bob.

Every time we have been alone together shes spent the whole time sharing her plans. She has rented a house without Bob knowing and has been secretly furnishing it. Jane and Bob are going away Friday to Monday and we're having the children. Jane has said she's going to leave Bob after they get back. I haven't told Bob because it's none of my business. I haven't told my husband either as he would tell Bob.

Yesterday my husband got back from the activity and excitedly told me Bob as announced he is proposing whilst they are away and has bought ring costing £1800.

I immediately told my husband of Janes plans. He wants to tell Bob, I want to tell Jane but should we keep out of it?

I very much doubt that Bob is proposing after 15 years and three kids because suddenly feels so loved up! It's because he knows something's afoot, and he's making a last ditch play to keep her by bamboozling her with romantic gestures. Whether she's leaving because he's a twat, or because she's met someone else, or whatever, is unclear. Has she mentioned why she wants to leave, OP?

Also, he may not be abusive, but she may be having trouble getting him to 'agree' to a split, or may feel that she won't be able to get him to leave, which would explain why she's setting up secretly to leave herself.

I would feel I had to tell Jane. I can just imagine the awkwardness if Bob proposes, putting her on the spot perhaps with a grand public gesture. It would be mortifying for both of them. Better for her to break it off first. She doesn't have to tell him she knew about the proposal. I wouldn't have your husband tell Bob because then it would all come out and Jane would know you told him.

Jane might not be seeing someone else. She might just want to have a plan and a place ready to go to in order to avoid the tension of living with her ex while she gets things sorted out. Or she might fear his reaction, we don't know. I would give her the information so she could avoid an awkward situation.

If the OP tells Jane, it's likely Jane will ask if OP told her DH about Jane's plans for after the weekend. Then OP either needs to tell a lie or she has to admit that her DH knows that Jane is planning to leave. That leaves everyone in a horrible position . . .

stay out of it. and your DH should know better.
otherwise - you'll be the one to blame, regardless of their situation, her long term plans etc.
all of the fault will fall to you.

So...did she say yes?!