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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very cross at DSis school?

67 replies

juliusthefirst · 21/05/2016 21:56

DSis is 13. She is currently staying with me and my DH for a few months as my Mum is abroad setting up for DSis to join her over there.

A bit of backstory: In primary school DSis had a very large group of friends who were very manipulative and not very pleasant. Nothing too bad, but they pressurised DSis into bullying other girls. We had no idea how serious it was until Mum was called into school one day during YR5. DSis moved school for YR6 and goes to a different secondary school from the majority (bar 2) of these girls but is no longer friends with them- in fact, they have turned on to her since she has refused to partake in any bullying. They have also turned a lot of the other girls against her by telling them "what she used to be like".

At first it started with name calling, excluding her etc- but it has got a lot more serious- and today, has reached fever pitch.

During her chemistry lesson the teacher left the room to go and talk to a teacher in one of the other class rooms and left the class to set up an experiment they were doing- including acids.

One of these girls was teasing DSis and (as we have told her to do) DSis was ignoring her when the girl threatened to throw acid in her face unless DSis paid attention to her. DSis continued to ignore her, the girl grabbed her by the back of the hair and as she wasn't expecting it she was pulled to the floor. Luckily, another girl had gone to fetch the teacher and she came back into the room but this girl was holding a bottle of acid and DSis was incredibly shaken as she thought she was about to throw it in her face.

Both girls taken to the headmaster- and the culprit? Has been given fucking detention. DETENTION

The school has seemed to of written off DSis as she is leaving at the end of the year. We have called and complained about this girl a few times and it has been swept under the carpet.

Is it just me- or should this girl be excluded?

OP posts:

GoblinLittleOwl · 22/05/2016 12:33

Make an appointment with the Head, and ask

why was the class left unsupervised, with access to acid,(unbelievable);
what plans do they have to protect your sister from the girls who threatened her? It would be reasonable to insist that these girls are moved to another group while your sister remains at the school.There should be paperwork relating to the previous incidents of bullying and the reasons behind your sister's transfer to another school.

apple1992 · 22/05/2016 12:44

Am interested to hear what action the police take?

I too agree that science teacher shouldn't be leaving them alone during a practical, although sometimes it is tricky (as in, teacher may have to speak to another student outside the door).

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 22/05/2016 12:47

Glad to see you have called the Police. Let them deal with it. If the school gets in touch then tell them that you have zero confidence in their ability to keep your Dsis safe, and react appropriately to a very serious safeguarding issue - which is why the Police are now involved. I would write a formal letter to the Governors outlining exactly what has happened and list all of the times that you have contacted the school, and how they have responded. Make it clear that the escalation has been dealt with by detention, which is a completely inadequate response and that the school also did not call you to notify you of the incident.

I hope your Dsis is OK. I was bullied horrendously at school. It is awful and I cannot emphasise strongly enough how important it is that your Dsis sees you fighting her corner. There is nothing worse than telling someone what's going on and nothing happening - it destroys your confidence in adults as you are always told to 'tell a teacher'. In my case the teachers did fuck all. It was only when I told my Mum what was happening that something changed. She took me straight out of school that day and then stormed into the HT office to tear a strip off her. I never went back. Most importantly it made me realise that I could rely on my Mum 100% to fight my corner.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 12:51

Agree it's not acceptable as regards sanctions but I think the teacher leaving the class is not the issue. You don't know what " acid " they were playing with. I'd bet it was well diluted - likely equivalent to a good strong vinegar.

Irrelevant. A science lab will have various dangerous substances in it, including glass. And teachers shouldn't leave classes unsupervised for such a long time (particularly when it's only for the purposes of going to talk to another teacher) that one child has the time to carry out a sustained attack on another. It's noteworthy that this only stopped because another child went to fetch the teacher - so she must have been out a very long time. If the teacher hadn't been brought back by a child to do what she's paid to do, God knows what might have been happened.

MadisonMontgomery · 22/05/2016 13:00

Good for you, OP. I fell out with a boy at school & he started picking on me - little things at first, but it culminated in him pushing me down a (short) flight of stairs. I was only bruised and the school gave him a ticking off & detention, but my parents got the police involved and he was arrested. Nothing major happened, as we were only 14, but I have literally never seen bullying stop so fast. He was put into a different form, and he didn't dare even look at me again. It also really shook up other bullies in the school - I don't think you realise at that age that the things you do can have real consequences outside of school.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 22/05/2016 15:05

The children involved are not three, they don't have line of sight supervision the entire time because normal teenagers by this point have a sense of right and wrong and are supposed to take responsibility for their own behaviour. Which is why this little bunch require police intervention, should not be allowed for some time to participate in any activities requiring age expected behaviour or anything that involves any time without direct line of sight supervision, and are of the age of criminal responsibility. 'I wouldn't have put that child on the floor and threatened to maim her if you'd been watching me miss' is not much of an excuse. Brilliant shifting of blame and avoidance of personal responsibility though.

catkind · 22/05/2016 15:14

Rumbling, the school can be responsible for lack of supervision as well as the children responsible for their own actions. It's not either or. I'd be really surprised if the school's health and safety procedures allowed children that age to be left unsupervised in a lab. So many things that could go wrong.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 15:18

Rumbling, the school can certainly be responsible for treating this sort of incident as only worthy of a detention. In effect they are sending a signal that they regard what is on any interpretation a serious criminal assault as a relatively trivial offence. And no doubt they're wondering why they've got discipline problems.

Lunar1 · 22/05/2016 15:18

I'm glad you called the police, this is way beyond detention!

Brainnotbrawn · 22/05/2016 15:21

I'd be really surprised if the school's health and safety procedures allowed children that age to be left unsupervised in a lab

I would be too. I teach lab based subjects to adults and there are explicitly never allowed in laboratories without lecturers present, even if the laboratory technician is present.

DropYourSword · 23/05/2016 05:59

mrsfuzzy I wasn't missing the point at all. I even acknowledged in my post to was serious. The pint I was making was towards other posters getting increasingly overdramatic with potential outcomes, not the OP who sounds very sensible.

AugustaFinkNottle · 23/05/2016 14:30

Have you been able to progress this with the school or police?

sykadelic · 24/05/2016 01:32

Hope it's going better OP

Vickyyyy · 24/05/2016 01:36

Schools can be rubbish at dealing with bullying issues. I remember when I was at school and they 'didnt see' ANYTHING this horrible girl did to me..endless meetings and such about it..but the one time I grew some balls and hit her back, they saw. They only saw ME doing it though not that it was in retaliation. I was excluded for a week. I was terrified about telling my parents but they told me I did the right thing and if it happened again to do the same again as the teachers didn't give a crap.

The main point for me here though is the idiot teacher leaving teenagers alone with acid?! I would he putting in a huge complaint about that.

HelenaDove · 24/05/2016 02:40

Whether the acid was diluted or not is not the point. The INTENT was there.

i dont have DC When i was in high school in the mid to late 80s the dangerous chemicals in the science lab were on a shelf with a big label hanging from the shelf ....DO NOT TOUCH.

Now im assuming health and safety laws being what they are today these substances are locked away now not just left on the shelf with a big label warning.

Either way its not done for shit and giggles. These substances are labelled and treated with care for a reason so those banging on about dilution are spectacularly missing the point.

Good on you for calling the police OP

Atenco · 24/05/2016 02:53

I love the assumption that the acid was diluted, with that level of regard for the safety of its students, there is no reason to assume this.

Your poor sister, I'd love to hear what the police say, I hope they take this seriously.

SquinkiesRule · 25/05/2016 19:52

Hows it going OP?

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