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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very cross at DSis school?

67 replies

juliusthefirst · 21/05/2016 21:56

DSis is 13. She is currently staying with me and my DH for a few months as my Mum is abroad setting up for DSis to join her over there.

A bit of backstory: In primary school DSis had a very large group of friends who were very manipulative and not very pleasant. Nothing too bad, but they pressurised DSis into bullying other girls. We had no idea how serious it was until Mum was called into school one day during YR5. DSis moved school for YR6 and goes to a different secondary school from the majority (bar 2) of these girls but is no longer friends with them- in fact, they have turned on to her since she has refused to partake in any bullying. They have also turned a lot of the other girls against her by telling them "what she used to be like".

At first it started with name calling, excluding her etc- but it has got a lot more serious- and today, has reached fever pitch.

During her chemistry lesson the teacher left the room to go and talk to a teacher in one of the other class rooms and left the class to set up an experiment they were doing- including acids.

One of these girls was teasing DSis and (as we have told her to do) DSis was ignoring her when the girl threatened to throw acid in her face unless DSis paid attention to her. DSis continued to ignore her, the girl grabbed her by the back of the hair and as she wasn't expecting it she was pulled to the floor. Luckily, another girl had gone to fetch the teacher and she came back into the room but this girl was holding a bottle of acid and DSis was incredibly shaken as she thought she was about to throw it in her face.

Both girls taken to the headmaster- and the culprit? Has been given fucking detention. DETENTION

The school has seemed to of written off DSis as she is leaving at the end of the year. We have called and complained about this girl a few times and it has been swept under the carpet.

Is it just me- or should this girl be excluded?

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/05/2016 23:47

Or worse still midnite. She could have been killed, a terrifying thought, but a true one.

JinRamen · 21/05/2016 23:56

your poor sis. Glad you have called the police.

catkind · 21/05/2016 23:58

I doubt the child was in danger of blinding or scarring, the acid they're using is likely very dilute. (Any science teachers reading?). Kids may not know that though.

DropYourSword · 21/05/2016 23:59

I'm not denying what happened was horrible and needs taken further, so please don't think I'm underpaying that. But some posters are getting a little hysterical inventive. I'm pretty sure if the teacher left the room that the acid wouldn't have been strong enough to present a danger. Vinegar is an acid, I don't think it would blind, scar or kill.

Numbkinnuts · 22/05/2016 00:06

It's not so much what the acid would have actually done. The child was in fear of serious injury she would have had no idea that it could have been so diluted.

Leslieknope45 · 22/05/2016 07:10

The teacher should not have left the room, regardless. I don't think she should be fired like someone else implied, but safeguarding procedures do need tightening up!!

ChipperCharlie · 22/05/2016 07:19

I don't leave my classroom because of safeguarding issues and I'm a language teacher.

Re pp comment about how diluted the acid is in a school lab - I think this is irrelevant tbh. The girl in question threatened her with it, the intent was there to frighten/intimidate/damage OP's DSis. I pupils are explicitly told about the dangers in a science lab and substances aren't downplayed at all. Plenty of acid attacks effects are seen in the media so most would know its devastating effects.

OP you are a good sister. You are right to take this further. The school's reaction isn't good enough. Approach the Head and request to see the Chair of Governors. Their anti-bullying policy should be on their web-site so get s hold of it and start reading.

I'd also be checking out their last OFSTED inspection and going to the Safeguarding section - it's a public document. I think OFSTED would be very interested to hear about this incident.

I wouldn't send her in tomorrow tbh. She will remember how her big DSis protected her

TheFallenMadonna · 22/05/2016 07:26

Teacher should not have left the room. The students should know the risks of the chemicals used, as that is an important part of setting up a practical, and teachers don't want hysterical children of their spill a drop of acid on their skin.

I would go in with her, ask to see the head of year, and explain the full ins and outs of this situation. It is the ongoing nature of it that is the biggest concern here I think.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 07:51

I'd suggest you additionally contact the governor with responsibility for safeguarding, and the safeguarding officer at the council.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 22/05/2016 07:59

I wouldn't be happy sending her back to school until I was confident that they were going to safeguard her better.

I don't really think it's relevant if the acid was actually too dilute to do any significant harm - it's clear that the other student intended, at the very least to threaten her with it, and the sister's shaken reaction suggests that the students believed it was strong enough to be properly dangerous.

mrsfuzzy · 22/05/2016 08:01

i think that cat and drop are missing the point, it does not matter if the acid was dilute or not, this behavior should never be happening in the first place, it would have been terrifying for dsis and what the heck was going through the head of the girl who threatened her ? she sounds a bit unstable, as for the teacher, they should not have left the room full stop.
schools do have a duty of care to pupils and staff. good for you involving the police.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/05/2016 08:17

That's true that if the attacker thought it was weak acid or if they didn't know what harm a strong acid could do, that the criminal offense is pretty much just common assault (which is still more than a child should have to fear at school).

It doesn't matter what the actual acid was for the offense though, it's the attacker's intent that is the concern.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 22/05/2016 08:23

The girl who did this would have thought it's the sort of acid that strips your flesh. She would be well aware of the effects of this type of acid, as it's been widely covered in the media.

So she was basically threatening to permanently and severely scar dsis. Detention is utterly inadequate.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/05/2016 08:31

That's what I'd assumed OhWot. But we don't know that. It may have been a weak acid and the attacker well aware of that and just trying to be menacing. And at 13 you can't be sure what she's seen or understood of the news.

But even if it wasn't strong and the attacker did know, it was a serious action, causing significant fear, including an unprovoked criminal assault. A detention was wholly inadequate. And a meeting with the victim in the heads office was a totally inadequate way to investigate.

soapboxqueen · 22/05/2016 08:33

If I were you, I would very a copy of the complaints procedure as well as a copy of their anti bullying policy. This may be in the school's website for you to download.

Make a formal complaint to the head teacher about the incident including that the class teacher saw fit to leave the children unsupervised at the time. Make sure to follow the complaints procedure properly. Explain that you are very unhappy with the outcome and are not satisfied that they are taking the matter seriously enough to prevent another incident.

However, many schools (or more often the LEA) operate a no exclusions policy so it may be unlikely to happen in any event. Ofsted generally don't get involved in individual cases but they can help point you in the right direction.

I think calling the police was probably the right thing. If nothing else it will send a message to the school and the other girl that you mean business.

StillYummy · 22/05/2016 08:40

No students should ever be in a lab unsupervised. If they won't take the bullying/assault seriously then they should at least be explaining there stance on health and safety.

BalloonSlayer · 22/05/2016 08:52

The acid would have been very weak, too weak to do any serious damage, which may be why the school are not taking it as seriously as it should. BUT, from classroom experience, students of that age always think it's really really dangerous and the girl threatening this would definitely be believing she was threatening the OPs DSis with something very damaging indeed.

The teacher should be in all sorts of trouble for leaving a lesson during an experiment with acid.

catkind · 22/05/2016 09:02

Mrsfuzzy, I'm not saying that to minimise the child's behaviour, just I think posters saying she could have been killed etc are being unduly sensationalist. I agreed with police in an earlier post.

zipzap · 22/05/2016 09:08

Appalling under reaction by the school - so glad that you've reported to the police and they are taking it seriously.

Another vote for keeping your dsis off school - combined with sending a formal email to the head teacher and head of year and governor in charge of safeguarding to explain the incident and the effect it has had on your dsis, along with the fact that their response to this means that the school have failed in their duty to look after your dsis and that you do not believe that your dsis would be safe if she were to return to school currently as the school have shown no evidence of their ability to safeguard her. I'd also go further and say that you do not feel it is fair that your dsis is the one missing out on her education through no fault of her own despite being the victim while the perpetrator of the crime is allowed to remain at school with no consequences for her actions other than an hour's detention. Ask for work for your dsis to do at home so she doesn't miss out on her education - asking for it will look good for you and although it's a pain for the teacher's involved, if the school doesn't provide it, it will be another thing that reflects badly on them.

I would also find out if there is still someone at the council who is responsible for safeguarding and/or absence. Then cc them into the correspondence - but also call them up to ask their advice, saying that you don't want to keep dsis out of school but feel you don't have any choice because you're so worried for her safety, and what can they do to help you to ensure that your dsis continues to receive her education without constant fear she's going to be hurt again. There's still over half a term until the end of the school year, which is a significant chunk for her to miss out on - the fact she is leaving at the end of the year is irrelevant!!

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 22/05/2016 09:19

Everything chippercharlie says!

Very glad you called the police. This is not 'bullying', it was threatened GBH. Every child who witnessed that needs to see exactly what happens when you assault and threaten someone with serious injury, and it isn't bloody detention. The school need a kick up the backside, if I was on that SLT I would be going spare.

SquinkiesRule · 22/05/2016 09:25

OMG poor girl. I hope the Police do something about it.

Helenluvsrob · 22/05/2016 09:29

Agree it's not acceptable as regards sanctions but I think the teacher leaving the class is not the issue. You don't know what " acid " they were playing with. I'd bet it was well diluted - likely equivalent to a good strong vinegar.

The kids didn't , I'm sure realise this and the assault is non the less serious but the teacher isn't the issue.

StrictlyMumDancing · 22/05/2016 09:32

Hope your sister feels better this morning after talking to the police. Hope they were helpful too. Completely echo what others here are saying, doesn't matter if the girl could or couldn't have caused damage - your sister at the least did not know that.

MsHoneyBee · 22/05/2016 09:41

X post with everyone else. This is a serious failing on the part of the school. Hope it goes well with the police.

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