SIL demands?

[OhYouAhole]

So, me and my DH were falling asleep on the sofa the other night, him because he'd just done his last of four night shifts in a row and me because I can't remember what sleep is (9week old baby), when a little ping came from his phone, signalling a Facebook message.

It was his Sisters SO And they were very angry with myself and DH.

Here is my little back story; I have four DC's. 3 primary school age and two DC's have ASD and so we are plagued with various appointments and therapies always, daily life with work and kids and obviously a baby keeps you busy, DH works 12 hour nights every weekend for shit wages and generally, life is hectic. On top of this DH and I were both dumbshits silly with credit when we were younger so we're broke as hell, which we have been for a few years now and it's no secret to DH's family.

Anyway, DSIL is a bit precious, MIL's favourite, and a few weeks ago had a DD... Here's why They were mad:

DH didn't comment "congratulations" or like the Facebook announcement of her DD's birth.

Come to think of it, DH doesn't like or comment on any of the pictures of their DS or DD! And he doesn't make the 70 odd mile trip regularly to go visit them in their home they decided to move to away from the rest of their family! He should have been down there to visit their DD and-her words-they don't care that our DC's have ASD and that DH works or that the DC's have to be dropped off and picked up from school at set times when DH is off-or even that we can't afford to go back and too via train to them every week, we should damn well go and see the new baby! And of course, they like and comment on all the pictures of our DC's that I put on Facebook, and I'm on Facebook all the time! Why can't we just like and comment!!!

Yep, everything kept coming back to likes and comments on Facebook.

Now, I'll give them one thing, DH hasn't texted or facebooked his sis about her DD's arrival. But I did from both of us after the last time she pulled this shit when her DS was younger. They never even told us the kid was borne. I found out the day after when MIL called to inform gloat about it. because this isn't the first time this argument has come up and I'm not a people person, but DH asked me not to be a twat to leave it alone to keep the peace last time.

I only just ooh and aah over my own children, I'm not arsed about other peoples. Sorry not sorry but I'm just not at all a maternal person outside my own DC's and DH is a real life interacted rather than an Internet socialiser.

They work part time off and on between them and live mostly on benefits, and of course they only had one child until a few weeks ago so they pass our own struggles off as unimportant.

MIL reckons DH needs to get his shit together and step up as an uncle because it's upsetting, don't you know, for a new mum to be stressed like this ( hi there, I just had a baby a few weeks previous to your precious) and take money we don't have to buy a train ticket ( ) on a Monday after he finishes work to go visit SIL and come back ready for his night shift () and only take baby DD who is EBF, without me though because I'm not invited, so I can handle the school runs and the two baby cousins can be BFF's

So, AIBU to want to tell DSIL to get a grip and shove Facebook where the son don't shine? And tell MIL to get buggered?

I have a bunch of sisters who I talk to once a month at a busy time and I have 16 nephew a and nieces between them lot who I don't like or comment on every picture of on blooming Facebook either.

Exactly! He's never been any different. That's why we get along so well. I don't bother and he doesn't realise he should. Anyway, no to the learning curve, he doesn't quite function like that. Things have to be there in front of his face, not over a phone, therefore this will continue until he goes to see her ( which he will) or his DF (and only him)tells him he's wrong. Which he hasn't.

Anyway, yeah, I seem to have a habit of defending the ahole for some reason

Thank you bogey

Then again, I suppose that goes for her too lol

Well yes, but your being wrapped up means looking after your children and supporting a knacked night worker. Hers is trolling FB for things to get offended by, I know who get my sympathy!

knackered even !

This is how I see it....

Firstly, your husband should have congratulated his sister on the birth of her baby, whether it was a text or a phone call, that's black and white he should have and it would've only taken a few minutes.

All the Facebook 'you don't like my photos or comment on my posts' is utter childish nonsense! I'm on Facebook but can't stand all that rubbish. If I was in your position I would tell SIL "to be honest I don't look at other peoples photos and posts so I'm not snubbing you I'm the same with everyone". I wonder if part of the problem here is your SIL can see you're frequently on Facebook and that's why it upsets her and unfortunately means a lot to her to receive other peoples approval.

I would make a point of calling her once a month, set a date in your mind, like the last weekend of every month and either you or your husband give them a call and ask how they are. It will only take a few minutes but will keep the peace. If SIL continues to give you a hard time about never visiting tell them you can't afford to and work/family commitments mean you have so little time but they are more than welcome to come and visit you.

Wow you sound awful. What happened to family values! My DB and SIL always congratulated me via txt or fb a quick call it doesn't take much effort to take 5 minutes out the day as I did with their arrival. As for going down to see the baby surely you could some money aside and all go. I made the trip to Wales 5Hours away I may add with two DC and pregnant to visit my niece. This was after we had to get a temporary car due to other one breaking.

I'm a bit stuck on why you say MIL was "gloating" by informing you of the baby's birth, especially as she was apparently the only one who bothered to let you know. That mean dig alone suggests to me there's more to this story. But it's AIBU, so we only ever get one side.

I think it's quite sad that ultimately you are not happy for your SIL and about the arrival of the baby, that much is clear from your post. You ask AIBU....maybe not in your world and relationships but if my SIL had a baby both DH and I would move heaven and earth to meet it ASAP and I would be liking and commenting on every single Facebook post. Because this is one of the most important things in anyone's life and I would want her to feel like we care and are thrilled for her.

Just remember that you and your DH are setting an example to your children for how to behave towards each other as adults.

And for the record a few months ago I had 3 under 3, youngest was 1 month old and my SIL had her first baby. I managed to arrange gifts and to visit and my DH made sure to visit within a day of her coming home. I got the kids minded and visited her within a week. My point is that if you wanted to, you would and could. The issue here is that you clearly are not interested and maybe this is what your SIL is reacting to.

Originalfoogirl, you need to educate yourself about autistic spectrum disorders. There is no reason whatsoever why someone with Asperger's wouldn't be socially aware enough to know a message should be sent.

Tell your DH to close his facebook account. Sorted.

Oh FFS, this is all so silly.

BIL never congratulated me or DH via call or facebook, but SIL did. That's BILs way, and whenever he visits PILs his first question is when are the DCs coming over?

When BIL and SIL had DC I didn't congratulate them personally, DH did it for us all. That's DHs way. I did pick out some gifts that they would deem appropriate however and managed to greatly upset DH in the process but that's a whole other story!

You have a 9 week old yourselves and your DHs priority will and always should be his DC. Tell them all to do one.

Despite what PPs have said I take a text/email/phone congratulations/whatever to be from both people in a couple, regardless of which said it. So I think SIL is being U.

I think you should make an effort to visit though.

I would never assume that my dhs congratulations excused me from the tiny effort of sending my own to a close family member.

I sort of see her point.

Actually did they make the 70 mile trip to see your youngest 9 weeks ago?

,

Did they visit you when DD was born 9 weeks ago op?
If they did then I would at least express intent on going and then do my best to make arrangements. If she didn't she has no argument and I would leave it at that.

Originalfoogirl - go and get an education. A lot of people with Asperger's use the term "Aspie" as a term of empowerment.

But being an Aspie isn't an excuse.

However this family dynamic is messed up. Some sounds like Golden Child syndrome for the SIL.

OP's DH should have sent congratulations himself - FB, a card or a quick phone call.

The rest of it needs to be answered by "Sorry that doesn't work for us" with possibly the addition of "Maybe later when our baby has got into a routine".

I would also block these people on FB if this shit throwing continues there. Don't get involved. Stick to the high ground and get on with your life.

SIL visited alone a few weeks after my lo was borne on a pre scheduled visit to PIL (with out SO or DS) and has another scheduled visit soon, MIL informed me of after LO's birth. FIL hasn't been down to see his newest DGC for this reason, thinking, as I do, that the first few weeks of having a new baby should be for SIL and her SO and their DS. So I may sound horrible, and you may think "we should arrange visitation immediately!" But imo those first few weeks are important bonding time and if she has a planned visit anyway, what's wrong with visiting at FIL house in two weeks when they are all here?

DH has deleted Facebook on my advice.

MIL likes to gloat. IMO, SIL should've told DH herself (or at least her SO should have) rather than have MIL, who shares a mutual dislike for me over each other, call me the day after the birth, rather than her own son on the day since she was there.

Of all the "my DH is a bit of an Arse" I've said, SIL made the decision to make the huge move away from all of her family and does not contact DH any other time. DH should've told her congrats himself? She should have told DH she'd had the baby herself. We don't visit so "we don't bother"? She should tell DH when she's here, knowing our financial and lack of transport situation, when she visits PIL regularly.

And for the love of God, leave me out of it.

You sound jealous or something tbh. Glbizarre to be so uninterested in your relatives, your children's cousins fgs.

The op is getting an unjustifiable hard time. Possibly dh should have text himself, but they were congratulated, and the rest is the sil bvu.