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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Year Two girls!!! Rant needed!!!

58 replies

coco1810 · 20/05/2016 18:28

Absolutely fuming!!! Just had DD in tears because a group of girls are taking the mickey out of her. DD is very much an individual, she loves to be unique. Apparently her backpack is "sad" because she's not sporting a cast off tote handbag from her mom. She has purple glasses instead of black geek style glasses. She has a big Alsatian instead of a Pug and lastly, she goes to Brownies instead of Ballet. These are her crimes.

Poor thing in tears asking if she should change but says she doesn't want to because she loves her things. So proud of her in that respect, she is a strong person. But honestly, I can't believe how the peer pressure starts at age blooming 7 Angry. Grrrr!!! Just needed a rant!

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 20/05/2016 20:28

Oh yes the handbag thing! The other day I saw a girl of around 11 or 12 carrying a Michael Kors tote bag on the crook of her arm ( with her school uniform) - it completely enrages me every time I think about it. I don't care if it's a cast off from her mother it s a ridiculous thing to allow a child to use as a school bag. I used to think it was bad enough when they carried Pauls Boutique bags as they're expensive enough. Unfortunately children are tribal and seek to be the same as their peers. They don't value individuality but this has always been the case really. I'm pretty sure that it happened at my school back in the day, although I am talking secondary school not primary. In your situation I think I would be emphasising the amazing things that have been achieved by people who forged their own path and did not conform ( I might do a bit of gentle teasing about sheep etc between the 2 of us). Check out " A Mighty girl" on Facebook which provides constant inspiration regarding awesome female achievements. It features amazing women throughout history and promotes books and resources on a number of issues such as body images and self esteem etc ( suitable for young girls through to teenagers). At the moment they are hi lighting that girls self esteem peaks at 9 and 80% of 10 year olds worry about being fat. I don't work for them by the way. Good luck. I have all of this to come in September.

Foofoobum · 20/05/2016 20:29

My daughter is starting to notice the group dynamics within her class and it confuses her so much. I'm absolutely no use with social stuff so never know what to say so I make her laugh by saying very childish things like I'll bite so&so's bum and her mum's too if she complains. She knows it's just between us and would never happen but it makes her feel better when the nasty little clones take the piss. Dd is a redhead in a class full of blondes. She's really sturdy and the rest of the class are all skinny. They're 6 ffs but it seems this crap starts early - she wears the wrong shoes, has the wrong haircut etc. The parents aren't much better tbf - I see where it comes from. My daughter often feels left out, compounded by the fact she's doing the same work as 8-9yr olds so is rarely doing the same work as her classmates. If we'd realised in yr 1 she would learn so quick we might have asked to move her up a year but it's too late now. I've no idea how to help her feel better just how to feel loved.

MistressMerryWeather · 20/05/2016 20:42

I think it's worse for both, Almond.

It perpetuates the idea that it's 'normal' for boys to use their fists to sort out any problem and therefore the ones like DS1 who doesn't raise a hand to anyone are seen as odd and should just 'fight back'.

It also says that girls are capable of a unique type of spiteful nastiness that boys are not, that's just not true.

Kids pick up on these expectations very easily.

RiverTam · 20/05/2016 20:42

Using the word 'bitchy' is very sexist and is a pretty unpleasant way for any adult to refer to any 6 or 7 year old child. Depressed, but not surprised, to see so many women use this word with regard to young girls.

MistressMerryWeather · 20/05/2016 20:44

I think it's worse for both Doesn't make sense.

It's just as bad for both.

Scabetty · 20/05/2016 20:53

I work in year 2 and boys are as bad as girls. Often boys say pretty nasty things to girls but are physical with their own sex. Some girls are mean but not all. There is peer pressure and a desire to fit in but no girls carry handbags in my primary. I spend a lot of time and energy on friendship disputes but that is what is needed at this age.

LieselMeminger · 20/05/2016 21:02

Dds in yr 6 and has had issues with a couple of boys being mean (school dealt with brilliantly) she never been teased or picked on by a girl, I chat to many of the parents and from reception any nasty name calling has mostly come from the boys, (several have been excluded from school over the years) aimed at both the girls and other boys, it's only referred to as bitchy when a girl does it, not once have I heard a young boy called bitchy for name-calling, if anything it's dismissed as "boys will be boys" or if a boy is mean to a girl she's told "it means he likes you" (which is a dangerous message imo)

A pp said Girls are bitchy. Boys fight and then are friends
If I were to say "boys are violent" I'd be told that girls can be just as bad etc and that it's offensive. That labelling all boys as violent because some are is stereotyping and stereotyping is bad.

Ive worked with lots of children over the years and genuinely have not noticed girls being more likely to name call etc, I do think the labelling of the behaviour differs (girls are bitchy vs boys will be boys) depending on gender though. ( I'm speaking generally)

Just thinking on it, I can't think of a word to describe males who name call and are mean. I know they sometimes get called bitchy, but it's used in a way that says they are acting like a woman, suggesting name calling is something women do, and doing something women do is negative. (I probably made fuck all sense there, it sounds right in my head)

Also, most negative behaviours are put down to parenting, esp at five/six years old, but this doesn't often apply to girls who name call, that behaviour is written off as bitchiness.

I think all children can be cruel and mean to be honest, not just girls.

SideOrderofChip · 20/05/2016 21:07

Sadly it does happen. DD1 is in year 4 now and its just starting in her year. I think the pug comment is because pugs on clothing appears to be in fashion at the moment along with mermaids and unicorns.

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