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Original poster

Year Two girls!!! Rant needed!!!

58 replies

coco1810 · 20/05/2016 18:28

Absolutely fuming!!! Just had DD in tears because a group of girls are taking the mickey out of her. DD is very much an individual, she loves to be unique. Apparently her backpack is "sad" because she's not sporting a cast off tote handbag from her mom. She has purple glasses instead of black geek style glasses. She has a big Alsatian instead of a Pug and lastly, she goes to Brownies instead of Ballet. These are her crimes.

Poor thing in tears asking if she should change but says she doesn't want to because she loves her things. So proud of her in that respect, she is a strong person. But honestly, I can't believe how the peer pressure starts at age blooming 7 Angry. Grrrr!!! Just needed a rant!

OP posts:
VerbenaGirl · 20/05/2016 19:24

Classes vary so much, my 1st DD's wasn't like this, but my 2nd DD's is. It's hard, but all you can do is keep reassuring her that it's way better to be a bit different, as it's so much more interesting. Who wants to be a carbon copy mean girl. Have to admit that a couple of years down the road my DD and I do make fun of them a bit now (just between us), and I think she really does now value the ways in which she's different to them.

Oakmaiden · 20/05/2016 19:26

Daisy and Dozer - it is true though. Girls and boys are NOT identical. Girls do tend more towards bitchy behaviour and boys tend more towards throwing punches. It is not sexist to acknowledge that this is the case.

It may be true that both these tendencies are socially programmed, rather than innate, but in our society they are norms that generally speaking run true.

eleven59 · 20/05/2016 19:28

*Daisy and Dozer - it is true though. Girls and boys are NOT identical. Girls do tend more towards bitchy behaviour and boys tend more towards throwing punches. It is not sexist to acknowledge that this is the case.

It may be true that both these tendencies are socially programmed, rather than innate, but in our society they are norms that generally speaking run true.*

Exactly, and commenting on those differences does not constitute sexism.

Panicmode1 · 20/05/2016 19:28

My seven year old son is being targeted and picked on too - by the male peers in his class who are supposed to be his friend. I have taught him strategies to deal with it - walking away, playing with other children, doing another activity rather than rising to it, and after a week, they are being nicer again, perhaps realising that he's not going to get upset, but is going to use his own resources. It's very tough though. (Wait until you get to Year 5 and 6 when the hormones really kick in - honestly the dramas in the girls' friendship groups have been horrendous!!)

However, saying 'girls are bitchy' is not helpful - all children are unpleasant at times, whatever their gender.

Cleo1303 · 20/05/2016 19:33

If your daughter can be really strong (and it sounds as though she can) what I suggest she says the next time anyone is nasty is:

"Were you born nasty, or do you practice every morning in front of the mirror?" That usually leaves them open-mouthed. What are they going to answer?

Or, looking at them in a pitying fashion:

"It's not cool or clever to be mean, it's dumb." Then walk straight off.

She sounds cool and original. Good for her.

MistressMerryWeather · 20/05/2016 19:37

DS1 has a large group of friends both boys and girls.

I can honestly say I the boys are no more likely to throw a punch than the girls but they are all more than capable of making nasty/petty comments to each other.

OP if this is happening in school I would have a chat with the teacher as soon as you can. She's being picked on and the teacher will want to know about it.

TSSDNCOP · 20/05/2016 19:41

I don't think there was a mother of a DD that didn't need to go into the school at one point or another from Y2 to Y4. The power play was ridiculous, they'd form and break friendships several times a week and were so mean to each other. It was so sad to see. They also targeted certain boys who just couldn't understand why they were being relentlessly got at.

I'm not sure you'd call in bullying, but they were subtle and mean and very unpleasant and it was sad because they'd been such sweethearts up to that point. Things seem to be calming down now though so perhaps it's just a phase.

PerspicaciaTick · 20/05/2016 19:42

My Y2 DS was picked on by a group of Y3 girls. He is quirky and somewhat immature, they were socially confident and could run rings around him verbally. I think they rather enjoyed the "rabbit in the headlights" effect they had on him and probably didn't realise how upsetting he found it.
In the end my Y6 DD kept a close eye on him for a week or two at lunchtime (they tended to congregate round him while he was eating) and gently saw them off because she was bigger and cleverer than them and they looked up to her a bit and her presence gave him confidence.
They found new things to occupy themselves in the last year - but they still seem to intimidate the younger/less mature ones. I'm just not sure how intentional it is. After all they are only just learning about their social power, it is not surprising if their experiments aren't always kind.

ample · 20/05/2016 19:45

It's heartbreaking, I've been there with my DD Sad Flowers
I work at my DD's school; a good school with lovely children. I think a lot of parents would be shocked at what their darlings say and do. Even from a young age when they know right from wrong.
Boys, although not all boys, do tend to sort issues out physically. For most girls, not all girls - it's a minefield of passive aggressive bulshit. I had some issues with my DD being bullied. It was a tough time.
Encourage individuality yes but children just want to be accepted and by that it means they have to be the same as Susie or Billy if they want to fit in. Easier said than done ime

Read Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman.
It was an eye opener for me and I still dip into it now and again.

PerspicaciaTick · 20/05/2016 19:46

Queen Bees is a great book - terrifying but really useful.

bigbuttons · 20/05/2016 19:47

year 2, year 3, year, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11 girls are all pretty shocking in their own ways I'm afraid.

wigglesrock · 20/05/2016 19:50

Jesus, that sounds desperate, I've an almost 11 year old and an 8 year old daughter and a younger one at 5. They've had a few rucks (just the older one) in school over the few years, dd1 will be leaving primary school next month and it's never been over stuff like that. All the girls in dd2 class that wear glasses (I think about 4) all have purple glasses. There's been some bickering over lunch bags that culminated around the age of 7 or so (Minnie Mouse is for babies and the like). My eldest went through a stage of being teased about being in the youngest in the class - tbh she came and told me, I asked her if she wanted me to talk to her teacher, she didn't. And in the end she just told them to piss off and she went and did her own thing for a week or so in school.

ample · 20/05/2016 19:54

Meant to add that the trouble and nastiness for DD started in Year 2.
Read the book OP, you won't look at girls and friendship groups the same way again.

GasLightShining · 20/05/2016 19:54

Girls are bitchy. Boys fight and then are friends

People may not like this comment and argue that it is not true but I can only speak from my experience. That comment pretty much sums it up for me.

Until the day my DD left school there were issues over something or another. It would go on for days at a time. A lot of deliberately leaving someone out

I remember a teacher calling me about a fight between DS and boy while waiting for school bus. By the time he got home he has arranged to meet up to play football the next day

MargotLovedTom · 20/05/2016 19:54

So Year 4 girls are okay then, BigButtons?!

ohlittlepea · 20/05/2016 19:58

This is so shitty. What kind of world are our girls growing up in? Tell your daughter beYOUtiful xxx

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/05/2016 19:58

WE're having an awful time with our year sixes, they are making some of the others feel awful and leaving them out, plus using social media to shame them.

Guess what, that's the boys, the girls are fine.

However, no one in the land of EVER will label their nasty behaviour, but god help a girl if she steps out of line.

borntobequiet · 20/05/2016 19:59

Good luck with years 3 - 11. 12 and 13 are often better.

PerspicaciaTick · 20/05/2016 20:00

TBH I had the same problem with girls when I was at primary school 40 years ago. The details of the nastiness may have changed (I remember there being comments about platform shoes, pets and accents) but the basic behaviour is identical. I don't think it is a "today's world" issue.

YorkieDorkie · 20/05/2016 20:04

Gahhh the 7yos with handbags thing drives me crazy at school. Totally ridiculous choice for a child. Makes them look like mini hookers Angry.

MistressMerryWeather · 20/05/2016 20:08

Do hookers generally sport tote bags?

Rebecca2014 · 20/05/2016 20:12

I think it is unfair to generalize girls as bitchy. I was bullied at school and 90% of the bullies were boys. Two boys throughout my secondary school made my life difficult, they never touched me but were 'bitchy' as you would call girls.

Boys and girls can be twats.

MrsFrankRicard · 20/05/2016 20:15

Tell her to say 'whatever' to any of their digs, it works as all they want is a rise. Flowers

almondpudding · 20/05/2016 20:20

Not sure if this sexism from adults is worse for boys or girls.

DS was the victim of 'bitchy' boys in year seven.

Fortunately the school took it seriously and did not come out with a loud of wank about how boys aren't like that.

NeverbuytheDailyMail · 20/05/2016 20:25

My little boy is about the same age and ha speech issues and has experienced "bitchiness" from both boys and girls. It's not a sex thing - it's a little shit thing.