AIBU to be upset - in laws don't approve of proposed childcare arrangements

[Bee182814]

I posted a little while ago in relationships but think it's now more of AIBU...

So long story short is I am sahm and hubby works full time. We have 1 DS nearly 2 years and DD on the way in August. My previous post concerned in laws who look after other GC 3 days a week while SIL works. They also babysit evenings and weekends for her but wont/can't do the same for us due to having the other GC and other commitments. General advice from MN was to look for alternative childcare and babysitting options......MIL has called me this morning to wish me happy bday and asked about plans for the day. When I told her I was going to meet potential nanny share... well let's just say she wasn't very happy about it!

AIBU to put DS in childcare for 2 sessions a week if I dont work? It's kind of so I can have time to prepare for baby without having to drag DS round mothercare and so that I can have a few hours a week to bond with DD when she arrives (although I imagine I will spend the time doing laundry and housework etc!)

MIL ' S response was along the lines of 'well your SIL works three days a week and doesn't have a nanny as she can't afford one. Can't you wait until he gets his free nursery hours?' - yes, because you do her childcare for FREE! Also, DS wont get free nursery place until Sept 2017. It is a nanny share so considerably cheaper than nursery etc. AIBU to be upset and confused by this reaction? She can't/won't help out but doesn't like me seeking alternative support? I now don't feel that I can go ahead with it because of her reaction the whole family will judge me in the same way.

Please help me work put if I'm being a total emotional hormonal cowbag as I've been reduced to tears for most of the day by her comments.

[DinosaursRoar]

She didn't call her DS back when he was trying to see if she coul babysit so he could take his DW out on her birthday, who is the mother of his DC and pregnant with another? Did she know what he was trying to reach her for?

It actually might be very hard for your DH to realise just how favoured his sister is. Can you start getting a list of babysitters together, possibly if this Nanny will sit in the evenings, or ask other 'Mum friends' who have DCs in nurseries if they know if their DCs key workers will do evening babysitting. If you have some details of trained people you trust (not just some local teen when you are talking about pre-schoolers) and keep that list somewhere easy for DH to find, that might make next year a little easier for him to sort.

It must be hard for him to see, has his sister always been favoured?

[Bee182814]

I don't think she knew why he was trying to get in touch actually but it upset him nevertheless. I feel terrible for him at the moment, I've never heard him say anything against his mum or sister before recently so it must be really getting to him. DH has always insisted that his parents are incredibly fair and equal in treatment of all of their three children. The nanny lives very near to us actually and can do occasionAl babysitting. Hadn't thought about asking mums of those in nursery actually - great idea, thank you DinosaursRoar

[crazywriter]

YANBU. Do what you want for childcare. Of course as a sahm you can put your DCs in childcare. A mum friend of mine does it and really looks forward to her child free afternoons twice a week because she can get so much done. She does so much with the kids when they're home and has days where she just has one child and no he other is in nursery and vice versa to make sure they get one on one time.

It sounds like your MIL is either jealous that you can do this and she never did or that she's put herself in a position where she can't be the nanny. She's just trying to make you feel bad and may be stuck in a generation where women only looked after the kids and house and didn't get time to themselves. Screw her and go along with your plans.