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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send dd into school in incorrect pe kit until September?

67 replies

sockrage · 18/05/2016 08:14

I bought dd another pair of (£5 a pop) specific PE socks on Friday.
Two lessons later she has lost one. These were to replace the other three lost pairs this school year.

I bought her some cheaper ones of the same socks but school moaned about them.

They changed the PE kit as from September so yet another pair of new socks will be for a handful of weeks.

This is to add to the three planners, school coat and body warmer plus countless other crap she has lost.

She never bothers going back to look for anything and it is never her fault that she has lost it...

Her friend also thinks it is funny to swing her round messing about by her bag or open her bag adding to the damn issue

OP posts:

mommybunny · 18/05/2016 11:26

My DD (9) is also extremely disorganised - I feel your pain! I reached the end of my rope just before the term started and we couldn't find half of her kit, when I knew I had washed it! In a fit of temper I started chucking out the enormous pile of cuddly toys she keeps on her bed (great place to hide clothes she doesn't feel like walking to the laundry basket or putting back in the wardrobe) and telling her they were being thrown away. This made her absolutely hysterical so when we calmed down I made a deal with her: for every single piece of clothing I found where it wasn't supposed to be I would confiscate a cuddly toy. A pair of socks meant two toys! She has lost quite a few of her toys but the situation is getting better. Is there something similar you could do with your DD, like perhaps charge a "fine", for any clothes "not in the right place"?

I have also started accompanying DD to her locker once a week when I collect her to "audit" its contents, make sure she has everything she is supposed to, make sure it's fully closed (so many times I've walked in the locker room and found her locker wide open!), see what needs to be brought home for washing. So far, fingers crossed, she has had no missing kit this term but if she did it wouldn't have gone far because it would have been only a week since it was last seen by me.

How are your DD's grades? How is she with homework and school stuff (writing implements, books etc) besides clothes? How is she organised at home, in areas like her bedroom? The reason I ask is that this week my DD is being assessed for dyspraxia, which I am told may explain some of her disorganisation. Having a condition like this doesn't let her off being required to get herself organised, but it may mean you have to be more actively involved in supporting her and staying on top of things than you might otherwise have expected with a 13 year-old.

Good luck. I hope things get better soon.

paxillin · 18/05/2016 11:26

It is a school issue, let her take the school punishment.

Your job was to supply the socks in the first place, which you have done. You even replaced them. Tell school that and let them deal with it. Next year, she might be more careful with the stuff you supply.

unlucky83 · 18/05/2016 11:37

I wasn't going to say but my DD1 was diagnosed with ADHD at just 14...her record for losing things was astounding...and it didn't really improve with age. She would also forget to look for things and it would drive me insane. She lost her phone on the school bus so many times the driver used to give it back to her without being asked when she got on in the morning...
On medication for school now and she is much better..hasn't lost anything since.
But if you are sure it is just laziness you need to give her an incentive...whether it being selling her things to pay for new things or she can have a 'reward' if she manages not to lose anything (without finding it) in 6 months.

Catmuffin · 18/05/2016 11:39

So if she has the detention but still doesn't have new socks for the next lesson what happens next?

redexpat · 18/05/2016 11:54

Since she's a teen I'd start embarrassing her. Won't check lost property? I'd go in with her and stand over her while she does. Several labels on each item. Full name not initials.

Dancingqueen17 · 18/05/2016 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sockrage · 18/05/2016 12:09

Catmuffin I have no idea. I presume uniform report and then isolation room.

If this was primary I would tell them I wasn't replacing them but either way with secondary I am going to have to when after detention dd tells them I wont replace them.

OP posts:

diddl · 18/05/2016 12:18

Thinking about it I also had specific socks-in the 70s.

All girls school.

Different socks for hockey, tennis & netball!

stealthsquiggle · 18/05/2016 12:20

IIWY, OP, I would get in there first with an email for form tutor/ whoever your default point of contact is to say that DD has now lost 7 PE socks as well as numerous other things, that you have no intention of replacing them again given that she has made no effort to find them, and that the school may do with her as they please.

If detention causes a shift in attitude from DD, I might be inclined to let her "earn" the cost of replacement with extra chores/whatever, but as long as she continues to be "cross that you are cross" then I would let her stew.

Janecc · 18/05/2016 12:31

I agree with stealth she will never learn unless consequences are imposed.

Noodledoodledoo · 18/05/2016 13:19

You would not believe the stuff that gets left in my room (secondary teacher) and students don't bother to come back and find it.

We are not in a ridiculously affluent area, we are also not in a deprived area.

Students do not seem to feel the need to retrace their steps to relocate items (with the exception of phones!) At the end of every half term we have to encourage students to go and check lost property as we have to clear the cupboard this frequently due to the amount of stuff lost! Superdry coats/other smart brands as well, whole PE kit bags, pencil cases, reading books - own property if they are the school library ones I just pop them back there. If it is named I will hold on to it to the next lesson if its not I may keep it a week incase the student spots it but don't make a big fuss about it each lesson!

Let her face the school consequence - agree with emailing HoY or tutor to say you are trying to help her learn to look after stuff.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 18/05/2016 13:22

There was a hilarious post from a mum last September [about how to get 4 yr olds ready for school and how much shit gets lost] whose daughter had come home from school wearing two gymslips !! Aside from the embarrassment of having to contact the other parents with the semi naked child at home time, she couldn't fathom why the staff hadn't twigged.

I was hoping not to have to hunt down stray uniform by secondary though.

paxillin · 18/05/2016 13:37

Make her dig something out from the lost property bin, there will be 20 lost PE socks festering in there, hers among them. Then tell her you will embroider her name on the outside of her socks in cross stitch if she loses them again. This will destroy her street cred, she will do anything to prevent it.

stealthsquiggle · 18/05/2016 13:42

My DS did have the grace to admit recently that my obsession with large, firmly attached, clearly visible and slightly embarrassing name tapes has contributed to his not losing stuff. According to him, people who are inclined to "borrow" kit will always go for things that are not named or very subtly named (name or initials written on label and the like).

It does help that the uniform code specifies that games kit should be names on the outside (many do, if you look closely), so I can claim to be just sticking to the rules rather than deliberately embarrassing my DC.

diddl · 18/05/2016 13:52

"the uniform code specifies that games kit should be names on the outside"

We had to embroider our names on our games shirt (aertex!)& our p.e skirt.

londonmummy1966 · 18/05/2016 14:14

I had this issue with both of my dds. DD1 was just scatty (is dyspraxic though) so if she loses something she has to take the consequences. I purchased a hideously ugly and cheap mobile phone and if she lost things she got that instead of her nicer one on the grounds she can't look after her stuff and so can't be trusted with a more expensive model. With DD2 they had a cloakroom thief who also took great delight in hiding stuff in unusual places so it wasn't her fault. In the end I found a website called Woven Labels that make name tapes one inch high (£5 for 16) and every item of their PE kit is labelled very obviously with these as are their art overalls/hockey sticks etc. Nothing has been lost since so best £10 I ever spent.

stealthsquiggle · 18/05/2016 21:14

We had to embroider initials on games skirts and shirts too. DM and I did them very beautifully and everyone else took the piss out of me

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