To be pissed off with this parent?

[DeltaSunrise]

I know how these threads sometimes go so I'm going to start by saying that I know my ds2 is no angel and I have no objections to him being made to apologise for something he's done wrong.

When I picked up my 5yr old ds2 from school today, there was another boy (let's call him Adam) being a bit annoying, like most 5yr olds sometimes are, doing things like getting right into my ds's face and blowing on him and creeping up and shouting BOO right in his ear. I politely asked Adam to leave us alone for 5 mins and we would meet him in the playground to play for a bit. (These 2 are friends and play with each other all the time)

Ds2 and I start walking to the other classroom to collect ds1, ds2 lagging behind a bit when Adam's mum comes storming up shouting "are you X?" Ds says yes and as I'm walking back towards him, the mum is right in his face saying "what have you done to Adam? Why is he scared of you?" I calmly told the mum that I had actually just had to tell her ds to leave us alone and maybe it was 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. She stood up and back and looked a bit shocked, then agreed. We made the boys apologise to each other and warned them of the consequences of being mean and unkind to each other. All good, everyone walked away happy.

But I can't help feeling that Adam's mum was totally out of order that she felt it was appropriate to storm up to a seemingly alone 5yr old child and start shouting at him for something that may or may not have happened. She didn't realise that he was with me, she looked visibly shocked when she realised I was right there, I doubt she would have done it if she had known. Surely if she had a problem she should have gone to the teacher, not taken it upon herself to reprimand a child?

AIBU to be pissed off and want to talk to the teacher about it tomorrow? Is that over reacting, as I said once she realised I was there we sorted it out amicably but what if she tried it again to another child?

There's every chance I would have put her on her arse if she'd been yelling in my child's face.

Interesting to note that on a previous thread when I mentioned gently approaching a child and speaking in jolly tones about being kind and friendly when dd was being bullied I got told sternly that I should have been removed from the school and this is never the done thing. Yet it seems fine on this thread. You just never know on MN do you?

I'd mention the entire incident to the teacher then - then the teacher can if they choose remind the parent that speaking to them is an option.

My children's old school was like that - you could on rare occasions it was needed get things sorted very quickly. I think it's a real failing in their current school - especially as they don't like phone or e-mail contact either they very much keep parents at arms length then moan about lack of participation and interest from parents.

YANBU.

If someone spoke to my child in that manner I'd be very angry but it seems you handled it perfectly and as a result the problem was resolved

Apart from the fact it's completely unreasonable and seems a bit like bullying, how would shouting accusations at your (or whoever's) child stop any potentially unsavoury behaviour? As a parent, if my child was upsetting another, I would want to know and therefore explain/teach my child that the behaviour is inappropriate.

Her reaction seemed aggressive and unhelpful.

As for telling the teacher, I don't know if I would or not but I don't think you'd have anything to lose by keeping them abreast of the situation.

Is that the laid back part of you, who doesn't want to make a fuss?

I think teafortoads advice about Overzealous parent was good. The other mother in this instance doesn't need to know you said anything if that's how you want to play it - you can just have a confidential chat. And if it happens to another child or parent on school property, you will have done your duty and yet not put your children's friendship in jeopardy by calling her out. Maybe it will be a mistake never to be repeated by the mother or she may shout at another child tomorrow. This is something no one can make a judgement on either way. I know from my experience what I would do even if it is to get advice on how to deal with a future event.

I would of lost my shit!

Could you imagine out of no where a giant shouting in your face, I like that other mums feel confident enough to tell my children there being unruly because I want my kids to respect their elders BUT if some bitch was to scream in my child's face, not acting like a decent adult but a bully, I would rip her ducking hair out show her the consequences of talking to anyone like that especially a child.

I can feel my blood boiling thinking about what I would of done in your situation!

So many adults advocating violenc 'lost my shit' there's little wonder that children feel it's perfectly normal to be aggressive.
As I said earlier this morning, I definitely would speak to the school for two reasons: firstly to say it's inappropriate for parents to be mouthing at other parents whatever the context, and secondly to make sure that DS hadn't done something to Adam that he hasn't told you. Because calling Adam 'stinky bum', whilst wrong, shouldn't have 'scared' him.
It is definitely 6 of one etc, but also with versions of events I imagine.