Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want ExH to stay for the Weekend IN MY HOUSE!!!

75 replies

HappyFatty · 16/05/2016 19:44

So until recently I have driven 200m round trip to drop off DC's to My ExH so that they can see him because he doesn't drive. He paid petrol money. I now can't make the trip due to surgery. I have advised ExH of this with plenty of notice. He has now asked if he can sleep on DC's floor on his weekends. I have asked him to get the train and he says that IBU. Our divorce was over 10 years ago but it wasn't the friendliest. Oldest DC's not fussed about seeing him as he lets the youngest get away with murder and tells the others off for upsetting him, making them miserable all weekend. So AIBU to ask him to get the train?

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyFatty · 16/05/2016 20:43

To make it clear our DC's have never known their Dad and I live together, we split when they were nearly 1 and in the womb so not sure getting their hopes up is an issue. The issue is that he has no concept of ground rules and has absolutely no desire to discipline the DC's when they get out of hand, but if they annoy him or youngest DC who is 'the apple of my eye' as he tells me he bawls seemingly endlessly about respect! Essentially he's a twat and would make me unhappy just because he could. We are not friends, which is why I have expended extra energy on contact arrangements for him because I do not want my loathing to colour my judgement on his contact, this though is taking the piss is a step too far for me.

OP posts:
LyndaNotLinda · 16/05/2016 20:44

A 100m train journey takes about 1.5 hours. I doubt it will kill the children Hmm

LobsterQuadrille · 16/05/2016 20:47

Surely he is 100 miles away ...?

Original poster
HappyFatty · 16/05/2016 20:47

Sorry about the confusion maddening it's 200m round trip x 2 per weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyFatty · 16/05/2016 20:49

It takes me about 4-5 hours on a Friday there and back and same on a Sunday depending on traffic obviously

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 16/05/2016 20:49

Yanbu. At all. Say No. Or fuck off. No more discussion or thought.

CocktailQueen · 16/05/2016 20:53

Loopy hell, op, you are a saint for facilitating your useless ex to see the dc.

Just say no about him staying at yours. Lazy twat! He can get a train and a Premier Inn or Travelodge or something - they have family rooms.

Be firm. And I hope your op goes well.

girlinacoma · 16/05/2016 21:02

OP, your ex's relationship with his children is his responsibility. Not yours.

Stop driving them to his, that is ridiculous.

He can learn to drive or move closer or pay for public transport and a cheap B&B

expatinscotland · 16/05/2016 21:02

YANBU!!

ThatsMyStapler · 16/05/2016 21:13

what Girlinacoma said - you need to let him make some effort. He should learn to drive or move closer

venusinscorpio · 16/05/2016 21:17

Definitely YANBU. I can't believe anyone would say anything different. A travelodge, depending on the area, would be £40/50 if booked enough in advance. Trains are often much cheaper at the weekend.

Tell him to sort his own issues out. He's been indulged thus far by you - he could have got trains before some weekends to give you a break occasionally. He's been given an inch and now he's trying to take a mile. My brother only ever picks his daughter up himself for his contact with her - his ex never bothers to take her, she expects he will come as she knows he wants to see her.That's not right either, but please don't let your exH walk all over you when you clearly don't want him there and you're likely not up to visitors, let alone an exH you didn't have a great breakup with. I don't know, it feels like boundary crossing, controlling to me.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 16/05/2016 21:27

Good grief, YANBU!

I can't abide my ex stepping foot in my hallway. The thought of him staying the night is just awful.

Just trying to decide which would be worse - him staying whilst I stay elsewhere, or him sleeping under the same roof Shock

AcrossthePond55 · 16/05/2016 21:30

No way I'd let him stay. It's opening a big can of worms IMHO. Pretty soon it'll be him wanted to stay frequently because he'll know that you'll be there to cook and clean while he plays Disney Dad as a 'guest' in your home. No way.

You: No.
Him: But grumble grumble unreasonable unreasonable grumble grumble.
You: Still no.

Remember JADE; You don't need to Justify, Apologize, Defend, or Explain.

Chillyegg · 16/05/2016 21:30

Definately yanbu.

Also can someone tell me what an elastoplast baby is?

Pisssssedofff · 16/05/2016 21:37

Do not do it, I let my ex stay in my house st Christmas and the bsdtard went through ever drawer mouching around when I wasn't looking, never again

Pisssssedofff · 16/05/2016 21:37

Elastoplast baby, sticky plaster over a broken marriage

Chillyegg · 16/05/2016 21:51

Ahhhh I see thankyou for enlightening me.

TheABC · 16/05/2016 22:23

Don't do it. If he really wants to see his kids, he can use public transport or book a hotel. It would also be a good time for you to revisit to contact arrangements - 10 hours of driving EOW just to help him out taking the piss.

summerwinterton · 16/05/2016 22:26

blimey - no to setting foot in your house and no to you driving them to his. You will be telling us he pays no maintenance next.

AyeAmarok · 16/05/2016 22:45

You are the most selfless woman on the planet.

But he can fuck off with this sleeping in your house request.

He can get the train, and a hotel room.

EveryoneElsie · 16/05/2016 22:48

YANBU, dont do it.

I did it and the fucking bastard stole £13,000 off us.

Original poster
HappyFatty · 16/05/2016 23:34

Just had a massive rant by text telling me I'm accusing him of being a bad dad and that I'm not keeping him in the loop and that it shouldn't cost an effing fortune to see his kids. Urghh. Told him still no and that he needs to sort it out. I'm going to bed and I'll see his responses in the morning. Tell you I feel like shit right now Wine is my friend.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 16/05/2016 23:50

As people have said, he'd still have to get there and back whatever the case as you're not able to drive. So the train for him is academic, unless he's planning on moving in with you for the duration. I'm sure he'll be able to find a cheapish hotel or b&b near enough. Or as its getting warmer, he can take the children on a fun camping trip!

AcrossthePond55 · 17/05/2016 00:47

Absolutely no reason to feel like shit. It's cost you a fortune to shuttle the kids back and forth. Your valuable time and the wear and tear on your car. It costs more than just petrol, you know. It's oil changes, tune ups, tyres, and all the expenses involved in running a car.

Assuming you made this jaunt EOW, that's 26 weekends at 400 miles each ( 2 x 200 mi R/T). That's 10,400 miles per year extra on your engine, transmission, tyres, belts etc. Even if you only do it once per month, that's still 5200 extra miles!

The mileage reimbursement rate per HMRC is 45p per mile. This is what they figure it costs to run a typical car, including petrol. A 400 mile trip would be considered to 'cost' £180.00. Now, I don't know the cost of petrol in the UK nor the MPG your car gets. But I'll bet he's not reimbursing you anywhere near the actual cost of running your car!

Tell him no more 'free rides'.

Pisssssedofff · 17/05/2016 07:01

It shouldn't cost a fortune to see his kids ? Has he been paying for the petrol up until now or has that been you ? It has a damn nerve, his gravy train has ended and now he's sulking. Bore off mr would be my response