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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is ma-ma?

118 replies

VioletRoar · 16/05/2016 12:38

She's refusing to let me play "door handles". It's quite a simple game; I point at a door handle, and she holds me at just the right height for as long as I decide is appropriate. I need to be able to touch the door handle with both hands, for exploring. About 40minutes is usually enough time for a session. I then like to move onto another door handle.
I've tried communicating this to her using my extensive knowledge of baby sign language. (I squeal while pointing and gesturing vaguely, just as I was taught.....I think. I usually bugger off to play with the other babies while our mums awkwardly sing and sign while trying to avoid each other's eye contact).

Sorry for the essay, I am just wondering if my ma-ma is the only one like this. Is there anything I can do to improve her behaviour?

Thanks in advance Smile

OP posts:
GeoffreysGoat · 16/05/2016 21:53

knits if you persist enough in your objections mummy might tie you up. Obviously the process of being tied is utterly objectionable but once you've thrashed around a bit it's quite snuggly. And you get to be up high with all the grown ups

(Obviously I mean a sling not cable ties Wink)

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 16/05/2016 22:07

Off topic here guys, but would I be out of order to suggest we start a Facebook group where we can share pictures of our mummies and coo about how cute and adorable they are? even though they're all just as unkempt and dishevelled as each other

IJustLostTheGame · 16/05/2016 22:12

Wait until you can run around.
Wait until mummy turns away for one second to reach something off a shelf and leg it to the exit. Let mummy panic into a frenzy and find some kind lady in the street to wail at.
The kind lady will escort you back into the shop and mummy will not only get you back but some pretty judgemental looks from all around.

kosh71 · 16/05/2016 22:29

Oh the good old days! I am 4 now... but here is some advise a friend of mine gave me when I was a baby too. I hope it helps!
---

OK, here’s my situation. My Mummy has had me for almost seven months. The first few months were great. I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened.
Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN. At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse.
I’ve talked to other babies, and it seems like its pretty common after Mummies have had us for around six months.
Here’s the thing: these Mummies don’t really need to sleep. Its just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep and they just don’t need it anymore.
So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle. It goes like this:
Night 1: Cry every three hours until you get fed. I know, its hard. Its hard to see your Mummy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, its for her own good.
Night 2: Cry every two hours until you get fed.
Night 3: Cry every hour. Most Mummies will start to respond more quickly after about three nights.
Some Mummies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mummies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing.
Don’t give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN, just once, she will expect it every night.
I KNOW ITS HARD! But she really doesn’t need the sleep, she’s just resisting the change.
If you have an especially alert Mummy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep.
Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mummy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.
Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT!
I cried for any reason I could come up with. My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. My mobile made a shadow on the wall.
I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn’t eaten pears since lunch, what’s up with that? The cat said 'meow'. I should know. My Mummy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.
Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room.
Too hot, too cold, just right - doesn’t matter! Keep crying!! It took awhile, but it worked.
She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mummies internal clocks.
Sometimes my Mummy will call for reinforcements by sending in Daddy.
Don’t worry, Daddies are not set up for not needing sleep the way Mummies are. They can only handle a few pats and shhing before they declare defeat and send in the Mummy.
Also, be wary of the sleep sheep with rain noises. I like to give Mummy false hope that listening to the rain puts me to sleep sometimes I pretend to close my eyes and be asleep and then wait until I know Mummy is settling back to sleep to spring a surprise cry attack.
If she doesn’t get to me fast enough I follow up with my fake cough and gag noise that always has her running to the crib.
At some point I am positive she will start to realise that she really doesn’t need sleep.

P.S. Don’t let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me

kosh71 · 17/05/2016 11:05

sorry - didn't mean to kill the thread! Sad

Spudlet · 17/05/2016 11:37

Honestly, I think we're just all absorbing that sage advice.

If I might add my own twist - I find STTN on occasion helpful, as then mummy and daddy get blasé about it. Then just as they've adjusted to getting a proper night, you regress back to waking every two hours. Really knocks them for six!

LemonShizzleCake · 17/05/2016 12:24

Some great tips here - I am only -27 weeks at the moment, so haven't had the opportunity to play any really fun games with mummy yet.

But for any younger posters, I find that the days when she has a really important thing to do (preferably involving a nice long car journey, reasonably nice outfit or the likelihood of having her photo taken) is the ideal time to launch a nice big batch of hormones racketing around her system. She then spends lots of time resting, stroking her tummy (and therefore me) and making what I can only assume to be pleasurable moans. It's lovely to have so much attention.

Oh, and when they start firmly poking you with what feels like a hard, slimy hoover attachment, have a good stretch and wave your limbs about...makes both mummy and daddy go absolutely potty, and lays some important groundwork in terms of them believing you are cooperative and happy to work on their terms.

They will learn.

VioletRoar · 17/05/2016 14:03

kosh not at all I, for one, value your insight!

OP posts:
crazywriter · 17/05/2016 14:18

Oh she's being vU. Why not try hunt the keys instead? My mummy hates that game but it has to be played. I also liked (and still do) the game of putting dried pasta in a tub and shaking it.

VioletRoar · 17/05/2016 22:36

Oh I do love a good set of keys!

OP posts:
SoulSoSeptimus · 17/05/2016 23:52

...

What the actual fuck is this

Confused
eatsleephockeyrepeat · 18/05/2016 07:01

Soul are you one of those "crunchy" babies who believe in following your mother's lead in everything?

Obviously that's absolutely fine for you, but I think most of us here believe it's important to establish a routine of sleep deprivation, bewilderment and unachievable standards in making us happy early on.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/05/2016 12:04

My Mummy read this thread and was laughing so I got her back by putting my toys in her mug of tea. I think the lego man floating face down may have put her off a bit.

Giggorata · 18/05/2016 12:13

Going back to that ceramic thing that eatsleephockeyrepeat mentioned, apart from being lovely to chew, mama goes full on crazy when you put stuff in it.. I managed to get her purse in once and the keys are great, they make a great noise, sort of jingle sploop....
She's more vigilant lately, so I don't get in the room so much. :( so when I do, I make it count. My teddy, the big roll of soft paper, her scarf... The fun never stops!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/05/2016 12:25

I put one of the rolls of soft paper they keep next to the big ceramic thing into it. How was I supposed to know it was wrong? I thought it was what you were supposed to do. I also put one of the cardboard tubes in the sink and then turned the tap on.
Poor Mummy, she didn't know my big brother had left the door open and she only wanted to finish her drink. I have to admit, I had no idea the whole bathroom would flood quite so quickly.

paxillin · 18/05/2016 16:07

Try my favourite game: get the loo roll, hold on to the end. Push it down the stairs, watch the ribbon. Pick it up, rip, go upstairs again, repeat. You can use up the whole roll in the 3 min it takes her to go for a wee if you are quick.

sallyjane40 · 18/05/2016 21:28

As soon as you can pull yourself up, you have to try 'stereo knobs' (if you're parents are old fashioned enough to have any devices left with knobs on...), it's a natural progression from door handles! Stand your self up, hold the knobs firmly (you may need to smear the dribble/food/snot from them, on some soft furnishings first, to get a good grip...), and just fall backwards - it's effortless, and if successful, the knobs will come off cleanly :-).
My daddy was amazed (speechless, in fact) when I achieved this :-D, and the stereo never worked again, even when they sent it away for some very clever people to fix!

AllTheUsernamesAreTaken3 · 18/05/2016 21:35

Doors are great! I used to love the door handle game but Mummy always got bored with it before I did, just like the "dropping the spoon over the side of the high chair" game.
When I could stand up though, she was happy because I could play with the door while she played on her phone.
But then I discovered that if you close the door on your fingers, it hurts for a minute but the benefits last HOURS! Mummy blames herself for being neglectful, and showers you with attention and biscuits for the rest of the day. When you fancy another biscuit, you just open your big blue eyes very wide, stick out your lip and hold your hand up in a pathetic fashion.

babybythesea · 18/05/2016 22:17

If you are going to put something down the toilet, can I suggest that you time it just before an older sibling uses it? Your sibling may try to warn your mum but if they are in a hurry they probably won't be able to get the words out. Mummy will reassure them that it's ok to use the toilet, so they will. I chose to carry clean washing that Mummy hadn't yet put out on to the line through to the toilet and leave it in the bowl. Mummy spent a really happy half hour trying to retrieve the clothing from under my sister's massive and quite runny poo.

babybythesea · 18/05/2016 22:24

Oh, and learn to climb. They put things out of your reach on the top shelf of the bookcase? Not to worry. Learn to climb the bookshelves. If they put them in a kitchen cupboard, learn to push a chair through from another room and use it climb on the kitchen counter. They can get a surprising speed up when they see you standing precariously on the kitchen counter (ideally next to the knife block) opening the overhead cupboards (you have to lean back a bit to get the door properly open).
I've found that what happens is they simply stop even trying to put stuff out of reach. Sometimes things just vanish and I don't seem to be able to locate them (apparently this is called hidden, or sometimes thrown or given away). But sometimes they just sigh in a contented sort of way and say that there's no point putting it up there if you are going to try and kill yourself getting to it. I think 'I give up, I really do. I just bloody well give up' is the cry of joy you are waiting for,

chunkymum1 · 19/05/2016 11:08

Ah, it's good to hear that you younger babies are taking seriously your responsibility to train and entertain your adult. If I may add some ideas from a very wise 4 year old:

  • Don't forget that the grannies need help too. I've heard mine talking about thinking that she's starting to lose her mind (apparently she only thinks this when I've been over- it must be my keen intellect compared to her dulled senses) so I know it's especially important to help her active. Good games for this are hunt the remote control and hunt the glasses. It's a variation on hunt the keys but after 'that' incident in '14 mine keep spares in a high up place. I managed to keep gran active (by not being able to change channel from CBBC) for a week with this one. And Other gran couldn't drive all day when I put her glasses in her pillowcase- which really helped with her exercise. Another variation is to swap granny and grandad's glasses cases over. This works best if the glasses look vaguely similar.
  • Remember they like nothing more than thinking they've saved you from certain death. If your adults have put those funny gate things at the top of the stairs why not try standing on toys until you can pull yourself on to the top then assume a 'dive' pose like Dad does at swimming. You'll be surprised how quickly mum can get out of the shower when she wants to. When I did this my mum was so pleased that she rewarded me by removing all the gates in the house.
  • For those babies out there who have mastered the 'buggy arch-back star-fish' , have you tried 'toddler swing octopus'? It's really good for testing their reflexes- just remember to grip really firmly so that they need two hands whenever they are trying to free one limb, so you can quickly put back the one they removed a few seconds before. If they try to call your bluff by walking away a nice clear loud 'Mummy please don't leave me AGAIN' will have them running back.
  • If you do happen to go a bit too far and think that they might actually take away your treats/toys don't forget you can always use the 'Cow eyes' routine and a well timed 'I love you'.
CheeseBadger · 19/05/2016 15:10

This thread is amazing. Could I ask for some advice? I'm one, and I've got the boob lady pretty well trained, - she knows she and the hairy man have to sleep in my bed. However, sometimes she goes away for the night with Work (I don't know who Work is, but the hairy man doesn't seem to like him). When she's away, the hairy man seems to go all weird and he leaves me all night in what I can only describe as a small cell in a small brightly painted room with pictures of bloody owls on the walls.

I've tried shouting at him once an hour through the night, but he just doesn't seem to understand. I know it isn't his fault, - it's because he's also missing the boob lady, but how can I get the hairy man trained to put me to sleep in the right bed?

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 19/05/2016 15:20

how can I get the hairy man trained to put me to sleep in the right bed

Ooh, this is a tough one, but I think if you stay strong and keep up with the regular nightly wakings and inconsolable screaming you should be able to crack it. It's probably just a phase.

For now have you mastered any basic words? Perhaps you have "mama", but could you add "bed" to your repertoire? It would be quite a challenge but screaming whole-heartedly with the occasional "mama" and "bed" might be fruitful over time, although like I say this is a very advanced babying technique so not for every 1 year old.

For a more "grass roots" approach you'll have to just vomit repeatedly in the small cell to communicate your displeasure. Parents are well tuned into the presence of copious quantities of vomit. If the hairy man attempts to put you back in the cell after changing the sheets I'm afraid you'll just have to vomit again - it's the only way he'll learn. Eventually he'll have to accept the only dry sleeping place is the correct bed and voila! Problem solved.

VioletRoar · 19/05/2016 19:02

cheese have you attempted loudly and stinkily filling your nappy so hairy man is forced to get out of your bed and remove your from the cell?

I have followed advice on here and woke at regular intervals last night - mama was so impressed by my cheery 4hour cuddle fest that she cried (with pride I imagine)

OP posts:
travellinghopefully12 · 19/05/2016 21:34

I'm just learning to talk, and the responses from grownups have been great so far. The other day I stayed with my uncle and his nice girlfriend while they looked after my grandparent's house. My grandparents have a cleaning lady who uncle's girlfriend forgot was coming, and I greeted her with 'Cleaning Lady, Clean My Shoes!'

She was delighted and scooped me up and kissed me, but uncle's gf spent about five minutes apologising.

They don't have any of their own yet, so it does them good to get used to it.

When DM retrieved me she said 'Did he actually get the syntax right?' - and said I was 'very advanced at least'

I am 18 months

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