Hi! I know that this is a site for mums and I am an au pair, but i really need some advice. I think this is a good place to get it as you all will be understanding from the family's perspective rather than just my own.
I've been an au pair with this family for 3 weeks now, and I am desperately unhappy. I've lived away from home for 3 years now so its not just homesickness but I am finding it incredibly hard. I've got years of childcare experience - my brother and sisters are 4/6/9 plus other experience, but the behaviour of the little girl here I am finding hard to deal with.
Her parents work all day, the mum is around for breakfast (which makes things difficult) and then they aren't home until 8pm for dinner, then I take her for 2 hours whilst they spend time together and then I put her to bed at 10pm (which for me seems very late for a 4 year old!) She refuses to do anything I ask, and it is getting to the point where its putting her in danger. The other day I asked her to watch where she was walking and she refused, almost walking right into the path of a car. I am patient, I dont shout, and always speak with her on a level, but the second I ask something of her or tell her no to anything it is a meltdown - screaming/shouting/hitting. She then proceeds to tell her parents that she doesnt like me and she doesnt want to do anything with me anymore right in front of my face. Its really hurtful, I know its silly because she is only a child and i shouldnt let it get to me but after I have spent my day playing, baking, going to the park and days out for her to say these things just because I am the first person to ever say no to her is very difficult. I could probably handle it if it wasnt for the parents to then glare at me from across the table and not speak to me, refuse to let me take her to school in the mornings and cut across me whenever I try to help.
In the mornings, if she doesnt like what i say- for example - lets go to brush your teeth now or we will be late/you need to wear your uniform, not a dress - she runs to her mum who will usher me out the room and proceed to let her do as she likes and stop me from doing my job. I understand each parent has their own way of doing things but surely undermining what I am trying to say is not ok?
I have just finished my degree, and told the parents that if they wanted me here earlier (i.e now) then there would be a few weeks where i would need my days off to finish my dissertation. This weekend (I have sat afternoon and sunday off) they wanted to go to stay in their house by the seaside, and asked if i wanted to go. I declined, saying that I needed to study. Before they left, the mum came and told me that she was unhappy that I was staying as she was uncomfortable with me being in their house whilst they were gone for the day. This made me quite unhappy, i stay alone during the day anyway, and furthermore, how can you comfortably leave me with your child but not in your home? I feel like a member of their staff rather than the 'big sister' that they made me believe it would be.
I know it seems silly, but I dont know if i can carry on being pushed aside and stopped from doing my job any longer. I hope it gets better and I will leave it for a few more weeks to see if it improves. Do you have any parenting advice for a child who is used to getting their way in every situation? I dont want to come across as pampered and easy to complain because that is the opposite of my character! I love kids, it makes me happy to be around them but this is draining me. I cant even sleep anymore I am worrying so much. Any advice (even if it is just to suck it up!) is very appreciated.
xxx