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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly irritated, do I have any reason to be?

47 replies

Lizzie92 · 15/05/2016 15:19

When I was pregnant a friend of my parents gifted them a really lovely high chair. It was used, however it is in perfect condition and would be really expensive to buy new. Due to what other family members had told me, I'm pretty certain it was gifted with the intent of it being offered to me but that as it was used there would be no offence taken if I wanted to buy a new one. My parents could then have it for use at their house. However, it was never offered to me. On seeing it my mother decided that it was a lovely height for her kitchen table and that she wanted it. I was shown it with my mother going on about how nice these friends were to give them such a lovely high chair but that it was for her house and I couldn't have it. Next time she saw my husband she pulled it out to show him how lovely it is. He obviously said it was nice and she immediately said, 'it's not going anywhere, it's staying here'. It's coming up to weaning time so I casually mentioned to my mum I wanted to start looking at high chairs (not angling for hers) to be told, 'you only need a cheap one, it's going to be covered in food, don't bother buying a expensive one'. She then started pointing out all the high chairs I could get for under £20 at various baby events. If high chairs are that unimportant to her why is she so adamant she gets to keep the nice one which is only going to get occasional use while I should buy a cheaper option. Is it unreasonable to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 15:22

If a friend of your parents gave it to your parents, its theirs to do as they want.

Sounds like everyone is getting far too worked up over nothing. Just buy your own highchair.

gamerchick · 15/05/2016 15:22

No but it's not something to focus on. It's just a thing and not worth falling out over.

BanningTheWordNaice · 15/05/2016 15:26

How odd. Unless it's a beautiful made one made out of wood I'm struggling to see why anyone who doesn't have a baby would want a highchair at their table. Even one made out of wood seems a bit odd!

Gatehouse77 · 15/05/2016 15:29

If you were planning on buying your own highchair then I don't see the problem. As for how much you spend/what you choose I'd go ahead as, presumably, your baby will spend more time in your highchair than your mum's?

BrickInTheWall · 15/05/2016 15:30

You dont need an expensive highchair, I hate to say it but your mun is right it will just get covered in food.. let her worry about cleaning the naice one when you are around visiting.
Get yourself down to IKEA, white plastic highchair, bout £15... best highchair ever!

FuzzyOwl · 15/05/2016 15:34

In all honesty the very best high chair is the £13 IKEA antelope one. It comes apart so goes in the dishwasher and you can get an insert for smaller babies to be securely propped up. I have it and it is brilliant. My parents have a much more expensive one and even though my DD is almost one she is still too small to sit and feed herself from my parents' chair whilst she has been fine in the IKEA one from six months of age.

FamousSeamus · 15/05/2016 15:35

Your mother sounds weird. Does she normally show you a new pair of earrings/sofa/shrub for the garden by shrieking IT'S FOR ME AND YOU DEFINITELY CAN'T HAVE IT! ?

Costacoffeeplease · 15/05/2016 15:35

They gave it to her, so she keeps it, fine

You buy your own and spend what you want - have it gold plated and diamond encrusted if you want, also fine

Sighing · 15/05/2016 15:36

Why the hell is your mum concerned about how much you choose to spend on a highchair? Surely your budget is none of her beeswax? If she's kept the highchair, that's her call. I'd probably be an arse and turn up with one of those cloth or seat ones that go on a dining chair, she's never mentioned it as being for grandkids i take it and clearly thinks it's too precious for actual food.

Quickchangeup · 15/05/2016 15:39

Leave your mother to it and buy an IKEA antelope one. Seriously though, the IKEA one is fab for all the reasons fuzzyowl listed and can also be used up against the table for family meals. It's easy to store and comes apart so can be popped into car and taken on holiday.

QuiteLikely5 · 15/05/2016 15:41

ach I couldn't be bothered with nonsense like this!!!

Let it go ###

ImperialBlether · 15/05/2016 15:47

Don't any of your mum's friends think she's a bit bonkers for having a high chair in her kitchen and no baby?

JustMarriedBecca · 15/05/2016 15:49

Is it the Stokke? If so, it's rubbish if you're going to do BLW...no tray. I have about 10 friends who all sold theirs and bought the IKEA Antilop. Not kidding, there is a reason all hotels, restaurants and second time parents have it! Best high chair around by a mile.

Oysterbabe · 15/05/2016 15:50

I'd just buy one.
Bit of a non issue really.

Original poster
Lizzie92 · 15/05/2016 15:55

It's not really about the cost of a high chair, we were never going to spend a fortune on one to begin with. It's more the hypocrisy of her having an expensive one and then telling me there's no point in me spending much so I should work within this budget.
I know I'm overreacting, my mum has just become a bit of a nightmare in the last few weeks so every little thing she does seems to be driving me mad.

OP posts:
justgotosleep · 15/05/2016 15:57

I'd be pissed off by the principle that this is clearly for the BABY so should live with the BABY. The highchair isn't for the grandparents or even parents. Your mum is being ridiculous.

That aside I'd buy an ikea one. I bought a fancy one but got annoyed with all the cleaning so just bought an ikea one.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 16:04

The gesture from your parents' friends was to your mum. I know you think it was to you but it wasn't. If they would have intended it for you, they would have just offered it to you. This one was intended for your mum's house for when the baby is there - perhaps there will be other grandchildren at some point and it will be nice for her to have a highchair there for them as well.

There's no hypocrisy, OP, the chair wasn't intended for your use at your house.

AugustaFinkNottle · 15/05/2016 16:08

It's more the hypocrisy of her having an expensive one and then telling me there's no point in me spending much so I should work within this budget.

But, to be fair, she didn't deliberately go out to buy an expensive one, did she?

FuzzyOwl · 15/05/2016 16:08

My parents do have their own high chair that they bought fully intending for it to stay at their house. That way grandchildren always have somewhere to sit without us parents worrying about being a chair with us.

I would spend plenty of time at your mum's house whilst weaning and leave her to realise how difficult other chairs are to clean properly!

DinosaursRoar · 15/05/2016 16:11

I can see why it's annoying, it's like she's using it as a way of displaying to everyone who arrives in her house what an excellent grandmother she is, having a high chair on show before she has a DGC who's eating food - so everyone just knows she's an involved grandmother enough to have to have her own dedicated highchair at her house.

Plus if it's going to be a rare rather than several times a week thing that your DC eats a meal at Granny's house, then it does seem like a waste of money for her to keep it and you have to go out and buy another chair, likelyhood was if they'd given it directly to you, then she might not have bothered buying a highchair if it was only going to be used occasionally and you could bring a travel one.

I would just ask her if you can have it, offer to buy her a small travel one that doesn't take much storage for her house, say it'll be cheaper all round and point out it won't get used much at hers so is a bit pointless you having to pay out £X for a highchair when Y&Z so kindly gave "[DC]" a chair already.

(Be aware the Ikea one that everyone raves about doesn't go well with many tables, if you plan to feed your DC on their own, it's fine, but if you want them up at the table, it's not always that good)

junebirthdaygirl · 15/05/2016 16:13

GPS do need a high chair when gcs come round or stay for the weekend. My dm had one for all her gc and then l had one for mine. So l wouldn't be bothered getting into it with her. It will be handy to have it there for visits.

ImperialBlether · 15/05/2016 16:14

I don't think I'd be taking the baby round there at meal times. She's acted in a really spiteful way, in my opinion.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 16:15

I wouldn't ask for it. You already hinted OP and your mum was clear. That chair is more an heirloom or extension of her friendship with the woman who gave it to her. To ask now would be really crass.

You've said yourself that you are not confined to budget so buy one yourself that you really like and have that at home.

Challenging your mum for the chair would just seem like a battle of mums - past and present - and would be really awful.

DinosaursRoar · 15/05/2016 16:16

oh and I can see why being dictated to about how much of your own money you are allowed to spend on something for your child that will be in your house would be annoying, particularly as she's been showing off this other highchair, she clearly doesn't see it as just a functional item or else it would be in a cupboard when not needed and she wouldn't be acting all proud of having a nice one.

It does smack of her wanting to make sure she has the best one, and it's clearly a big deal for her.

Using your DC as a way to compete with her own DD is not nice.

AdrenalineFudge · 15/05/2016 16:17

I don't think YABU to feel put out because why on earth does she need to proclaim it from the mountains that the "chair isn't going anywhere."

I'd get yourself a cheap one from IKEA and be done with. A high chair is the last thing I'd want in my kitchen and your mum is being rather odd about a fucking high chair - even if it is carved from gold, silver and platinum.