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AIBU?

Slightly irritated, do I have any reason to be?

47 replies

Lizzie92 · 15/05/2016 15:19

When I was pregnant a friend of my parents gifted them a really lovely high chair. It was used, however it is in perfect condition and would be really expensive to buy new. Due to what other family members had told me, I'm pretty certain it was gifted with the intent of it being offered to me but that as it was used there would be no offence taken if I wanted to buy a new one. My parents could then have it for use at their house. However, it was never offered to me. On seeing it my mother decided that it was a lovely height for her kitchen table and that she wanted it. I was shown it with my mother going on about how nice these friends were to give them such a lovely high chair but that it was for her house and I couldn't have it. Next time she saw my husband she pulled it out to show him how lovely it is. He obviously said it was nice and she immediately said, 'it's not going anywhere, it's staying here'. It's coming up to weaning time so I casually mentioned to my mum I wanted to start looking at high chairs (not angling for hers) to be told, 'you only need a cheap one, it's going to be covered in food, don't bother buying a expensive one'. She then started pointing out all the high chairs I could get for under £20 at various baby events. If high chairs are that unimportant to her why is she so adamant she gets to keep the nice one which is only going to get occasional use while I should buy a cheaper option. Is it unreasonable to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
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Gide · 15/05/2016 21:33

Your mum is definitely being a bit weird. Has she got lots of other stuff for the DGC? It's very odd to rave on about it, show it off then bang on about how you can't have it. Bit 'neh neh neh neh neh' thumbing her nose at you. Strange.

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Baboooshka · 15/05/2016 21:12

I don't think it's that odd. Loads of my DM's friends gave or lent her stuff nice wooden highchair, travel cot, stairguards, bibs, toys which have stayed at her house for DD to use when she visits, and will stay on for future grandkids. It's a PITA lugging baby equipment every time you visit.

And bring your own highchair, just to make a point? Insane! If I were a millionaire, every place I visited would be pre-furnished with infant supplies so I could waltz in with DD and one tiny bag.

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Notsure1234 · 15/05/2016 20:54

My mil does this with stuff intended for ds and I'm not bothered because I intended to buy my own anyway. I'd be annoyed with her going on about how much you should spend though.

What has pissed me off though is my mil showed me a nice toy she picked up from a charity shop for her gc to play with at her house. Made a big deal about how lovely it is and how ds will love it when he's big enough then has given it away to dniece Angry

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Only1scoop · 15/05/2016 20:32

Sorry I think it's quite funny

Grandparents with their Uber trendy high chair telling you to get a cheap one.

Sorry BlushGrin

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RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 15/05/2016 20:21

I would leave her to it
(And because I'm an arse I'd also tote round my own highchair/seat whatever every time I went there & tell her baby only likes this one!)

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Janecc · 15/05/2016 20:17

If you have a big child, the ikea chair will not suffice. DD was bang on average at birth and then grew a lot when she was around 2. She also fell asleep in her high chair a few times and I used to sit her in it for painting. I'm glad we bought a padded nice chair, which tipped backwards - she took a very long time to eat (hence the occasional nap) and we bought the IKEA one for travelling. That said, I would ignore your mother and buy what suits you and your child. Rise above the goady crap from your mother. She sounds like she is trying to compete or use your baby to one up you. Nothing very mature in any case and best to rise above it.

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FishWithABicycle · 15/05/2016 19:17

I would be soooo tempted in your situation to buy an exactly identical one. From eBay second hand if you can't manage new. That would put paid to her schemes. But it would probably be more mature and sensible to go with the antelop. Worrying about which highchair to use is one of those PFB moments that you feel a bit embarrassed about 10 years later.

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EponasWildDaughter · 15/05/2016 18:45

Say nothing more about it OP. Get yourself a nice one which suits your parenting style. Do a bit of research re easy clean, fold away, adjustable height, adjustable back angle ect.

I bet DM'll get sick of hoovering round the legs of hers and having it take up space all the time within a couple of months. Especially if it's not getting a lot of use. High chairs are cluttery things even at the height of their usefullness. This doesn't sound like one which will fold away into the corner either ....

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dalmatianmad · 15/05/2016 18:43

Your parents were given a high chair so it's there's to do what they want! Not sure why you are getting worked up over it Confused just buy your child one for your house and be done with!!

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teafortoads · 15/05/2016 18:33

Her high chair is going to look a bit daft if left permanently empty. Do you think she might be planning on buying one of those scary life like dolls?

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GasLightShining · 15/05/2016 17:31

Just a bit of light hearted fun

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 17:19

That's not just petty, it's absolutely pathetic.

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GasLightShining · 15/05/2016 17:15

Not unreasonable at all as far as I am concerned. My two options would be:

  1. Buy one of those seats you attach to a dining chair and take that everywhere even your DM's as the health visitor said it is so important for DC to be eating in the same chair all the time


  1. Use the high chair at DM's but let DC have a fork that can cause damage or teach DC to love any food the stains (curry, beetroot etc)


While DC is making the most mess ever rave about the IKEA one you have after such brilliant reviews and how so so brilliant that the tray can just be popped in the dishwahser

Petty I know!!
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LaBelleOtero · 15/05/2016 16:54

Does she have many grandchildren? If so, I can see why she might want a nice highchair.

But if she's getting on your tits, just don't use it. Buy a nice highchair for yourselves - ideally a very portable one - and use it whenever you visit her!

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 16:52

Or she might not. She might just enjoy seeing her grandchild sitting in it.

Do people hate mothers now as well as MILs? Confused

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BalloonSlayer · 15/05/2016 16:51

She then started pointing out all the high chairs I could get for under £20 at various baby events. If high chairs are that unimportant to her why is she so adamant she gets to keep the nice one which is only going to get occasional use while I should buy a cheaper option. Is it unreasonable to be annoyed at this?

Well that's obvious. So she can sneer at your cheap one and croon "you like sitting in Nanny's lovely high chair SO much better, don't you DGrandchild?"

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harrisntasha · 15/05/2016 16:36

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 16:34

OP's mum isn't 'dictating' though is she? The most she can do is suggest a cheaper one. My mum would probably do the same IF she wanted to keep the highchair but maybe wanted to soften the blow for me.

As for visitors being taken to see it - it obviously IS a nice piece of furniture and OP's mum is very pleased with it not just to 'show off' that her grandchild will have a nice place to eat but it's a tangible expression of how much her friend thinks of her to give her this beautiful highchair. I think parents do set a bit of store by that.

I really don't see this as a slight by OP's mum against her daughter and not a competition either.

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DinosaursRoar · 15/05/2016 16:29

I think the hipocracy is from the OP's Mum showing off the chair, having it on display (before her DGC is weaned!) and making sure visitors to the house are taken to see it, but then trying to dictate to the OP that she should only spend under £20 on hers. Either nice highchairs don't matter, in which case, why is she treating the one she's been given as a fancy piece of new furniture to be displayed and shown off, or they do matter, and why can't the person who'll use it daily have the better one and why try to force her DD to buy a cheap one?

(And the Ikea one isn't great for all dining tables! Measure if you're going to feed your DC at the dining table!)

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ricketytickety · 15/05/2016 16:27

Why has your mum become a 'nightmare in the last few weeks'? Is something else going on? Is it not about the highchair but your relationship?

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newmumwithquestions · 15/05/2016 16:26

If your parents friends wanted you to have it then they should have given it to you. Sorry but it's not yours. It is a bit strange though... Do they have/are they expecting any other GC?

Oh and another vote for the ikea one! It is the best one I've used. Doesn't look much but is great (and goes up to our table fine - not sure why it wouldn't?). Get the tray and cushion for it as well.

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Pinkheart5915 · 15/05/2016 16:22

Sounds like a lot of fuss over nothing, it was given to your parents so it was there's to do with what they like.

I don't see the hypocrisy you mention yes your mum has an expensive high chair because she was given it for free so what's the problem with her saying you don't need to spend a lot on one.

It's a high chair just buy your own.

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AdrenalineFudge · 15/05/2016 16:17

I don't think YABU to feel put out because why on earth does she need to proclaim it from the mountains that the "chair isn't going anywhere."

I'd get yourself a cheap one from IKEA and be done with. A high chair is the last thing I'd want in my kitchen and your mum is being rather odd about a fucking high chair - even if it is carved from gold, silver and platinum.

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DinosaursRoar · 15/05/2016 16:16

oh and I can see why being dictated to about how much of your own money you are allowed to spend on something for your child that will be in your house would be annoying, particularly as she's been showing off this other highchair, she clearly doesn't see it as just a functional item or else it would be in a cupboard when not needed and she wouldn't be acting all proud of having a nice one.

It does smack of her wanting to make sure she has the best one, and it's clearly a big deal for her.

Using your DC as a way to compete with her own DD is not nice.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 16:15

I wouldn't ask for it. You already hinted OP and your mum was clear. That chair is more an heirloom or extension of her friendship with the woman who gave it to her. To ask now would be really crass.

You've said yourself that you are not confined to budget so buy one yourself that you really like and have that at home.

Challenging your mum for the chair would just seem like a battle of mums - past and present - and would be really awful.

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