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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Driving my new car for the first time - DH has the hump with me.

38 replies

Magicpaintbrush · 15/05/2016 12:05

So for a bit of background I used to be a very nervous driver, literally felt sick with fear when I took a refresher course 7 years ago to get me back behind the wheel. It took ages but I gradually got past it, got a little nissan micra and have loved driving her since. So today was my first ever time driving a new car as my old one was getting on a bit. My husband was brilliant in sorting it all out and I can't thank him enough, however I knew it would take me some time to get used to the new car and I thought he did too. So basically my old car wasn't as responsive as the new one by miles, so taking it out for the first time today was a jittery experience for me and felt totally alien. I know I will get used to it over time, but because I was so anxious as I was driving round and I didn't instantly rave about how easy it was to drive - because it didn't feel easy but very weird to me - my husband has got the hump with me. He says he doesn't want to discuss it but I know he is pissed off because I was nervous driving it and noticing the differences between it and my old car. I'm sure I will grow to love it once I've been out in it a bit more but surely he should understand that I need a bit of practise with it before I'm confident? He seems really disappointed in me :-( it isn't helping, put it that way. AIBU?

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 15/05/2016 12:11

I don't understand why he's pissed off with you?!

pinkyredrose · 15/05/2016 12:11

Oh YANBU btw.

PrimalLass · 15/05/2016 12:12

Is he like this about other things?

Griphook · 15/05/2016 12:15

Yabu, why are you pointing out the differences? Why can't you be positive about they car? Have you been positive about it?

I bought a family car, it's hard work trying to get one that's meets everyone's needs, my dp made a few comments about the boot, I was a bit pissed off and annoyed as he should have keep it to himself. The time for comments was when they were being looked at and test driven

CrownofStars · 15/05/2016 12:16

YAdefinitelyNBU. He's being an utter arse.

We bought a new car recently after having our old one for 15 years. We both found it really weird to begin with and chatted loads about the differences and how odd it was etc. etc. Neither of us are nervous drivers but it does take a while to get used to a new car.

BaronessBomburst · 15/05/2016 12:16

Is he pissed off because you weren't gushing about how wonderful the new car he'd sorted for you was?
I know what you mean though. I have an ancient Focus and DH has an almost new Fiesta. I hate driving the new car. I can't seem to get used to it.

Kidnapped · 15/05/2016 12:17

You weren't involved in choosing this car? Did you test drive it at least before you purchased it?

It always takes me a while to "get" a new car. Especially if it is bigger than the Micra? That's normal but you soon get into it. Were you banging on about the Micra and how great and easy it was when you were driving along? If so, he might see it as a criticism of his choice (and it does sound like his choice).

sonjadog · 15/05/2016 12:21

Maybe he feels he has put in a lot of effort to find a new car that you would like and he is a bit disappointed that you haven't taken to it as he was hoping you would? On the other hand, he maybe should have predicted that you weren't going to gush over it. I don't really think either of you are being unreasonable.

scarednoob · 15/05/2016 12:21

Is he disappointed maybe? Perhaps he was excited about getting you the new car and hoped you'd love it, but it's just coming out wrong?

You'll get used to it. Every new car I've ever had has taken a while, but I've loved it after a week or so. The last change was from a beautiful speedy sexy low slung sports car to a sensible high up solid q3 (damn baby! ) and even that only took a few days. Parking it is still no fun though, sigh.

Enjoy your new car when you can and don't feel pressured to be on anyone else's timetable.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 12:38

Sympathies, OP. I have a (new) car - well it's 'new' to me, just over a year old and I felt jittery driving it as well.

I think your husband is annoyed because, in his mind, he researched, picked and did all kinds of 'manly calculations in his head' to make sure that it was perfect for you... fast forward to your first drive and you've, understandably, had a few wobbles about it, comparing it with your old and beloved car. Your husband feels slighted, that you've somehow thwarted his manly pleasure at providing you with the PERFECT vehicle and is now being a childish twonk.

He will get over it. Go out in the car on your own until you get used to it and then, one day, run up to him, lovingly throw your arms around him and tell him what a fabulous car he chose for you and how happy you are with it... manly pride restored and all happy in the House of Mr&MrsMagicPaintbrush.

He's wounded, tis all. It's not fatal and he needs to get over himself...

Congrats on your new car!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 12:39

... and everybody else has just said all of that quicker than I did.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 15/05/2016 12:47

i hate changing cars!!

Used to have a super duper seicento...then we got a panda...tedious dull fucker of a car...but it's good for the teens and we also have a mini cooper

the difference between them is such a nuisance...light weight, slow, petrol, easy clutch, soft gears no frills fiat to this much faster, heavier, chunky clutch, stiffer gears, diesel, all the bells and whistles mini ....takes me about a week to get sorted!

It does seem he is being quite prickish about it though...refusing to discuss it and sulking and being disappointed...who died and made him Queen?? Snort derisively at him and get about your day!

Original poster

Magicpaintbrush · 15/05/2016 12:50

Yes I think he was disappointed that I didn't instantly gush about how wonderful the new car is, although prior to driving it I did as it is a lovely little car, really good condition etc. I hadn't driven it until today, it was my husband who test drove it as I wanted to drive it along routes that were familiar to me and close to home, it was being sold in an area I didn't know and I didn't want to drive it round there. He seems a bit happier now actually and we are going to take it out for another drive this afternoon so I will try and be a bit more enthusiastic. It is actually another nissan micra but it feels totally different to drive, you only need a featherlight touch on the accelorator and it leaps off, whereas my old car needed a much firmer touch to the pedals. And it's harder to see out of the rear of the new car, handbrake much stiffer - all things I will no doubt get used to, but not neccessarily on my first ever time driving it. I feel bad because he did so much leg work to get the car and I think he expected a more excited reaction, but that's maybe unrealistic? I've only ever driven one car before this new one so I expected some nerves. He is normally very understanding (usually) so I was a bit taken aback.

OP posts:

Witchend · 15/05/2016 13:03

It depends on whether you gave a list of complaints, which I can see would be frustrating, or whether you were just "ooh that'll take some getting used to".

I was a bag of nerves driving the new car, and said to dh how it felt so different, and I was so nervous. Within a month I was so used to it that I didn't find itcan issue

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 15/05/2016 13:03

Maybe as hubby did the 'sorting out' he expects more effusive gratitude? But it has to be said that all cars have a different 'feel'. I learned in a diesel Peugeot 106, petrol Suzuki Swift and a Seat (which I hated). The Christmas before I passed my test my fab present was a Smart for Two which I found strange at first but now I love it. My hubby was a lorry driver and he said that even if you drove two different cars but the same model they would still feel different, it's just the way it is.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 13:04

Same for me, Witchend, I felt at first that I'd never get used to it and within a short space of time, second nature.

DoreenLethal · 15/05/2016 13:11

I will try and be a bit more enthusiastic

why?

If you don't like it then you don't! I am sure you will get used to it but you should be allowed to say what you do and don't like to your husband.

WeeHelena · 15/05/2016 13:16

New cars are always more responsive and will feel alien to you as you then have to adjust your usual driving style.
I think it's perfectly normal and you dp reaction is probably normal too as long as he snaps out of it pretty quick.
He is probably just a little dissapointed and wasn't expecting your reaction at first.

My driving instructor at the time got a new car a year into me learning in his much used one and I commented on it loads but really I got used to it after 3/4hrs driving.

Oldraver · 15/05/2016 13:18

Ditch the husband and go off for a drive on your own

I think its him making you nervous

And dont force being enthusiatic to soothe his ego

timelytess · 15/05/2016 13:22

Misread as 'Driving my new car for the first time DH had to hump me' and thought it might be a challenge unless you pulled over to the side of the road.

MatildaTheCat · 15/05/2016 13:27

YANBU but then again maybe he's just disappointed not to get a more positive reaction since it seems as though he chose the car for you and taking you very much into consideration.

I've just waved my ds off driving independently for the very first time and feeling very nervous indeed ( me) so understand how nerve wracking it is. I don't think you need to gush to please him but some positivity might ease things along. I also suggest going off on your own for an hour or two and 'playing' with it. You'll be fine in no time.

Bogeyface · 15/05/2016 13:30

I hate changing cars too, its like being given someone elses body! After a while everything is second nature but at first you have to concentrate so hard on where the indicators etc are (especially if they are on opposite sides, I spent ages washing my rear window instead of indicating on my car :o ) that I wouldnt be surprised if most accidents happen with new cars.

You'll soon get used to it and he can take his hump and shove it!

Griphook · 15/05/2016 13:34

I think you just need to use language that is either neutral or saying that you will get used to it. Nothing worse when someone gives you a list of faults that you can now do nothing about which they had a chance to say at the time.

CattyMcCatface · 15/05/2016 13:40

I'm a nervous driver too so I totally get what you mean. When we changed cars previously my kids said I'm always moaning, but I wasn't moaning I was just saying things were different and would take me a bit of time to get used to. We have changed again recently and I make sure to just keep my mouth shut now with them and say oh it's lovely if asked anything.

Northernlurker · 15/05/2016 13:48

We changed car recently and it does take some time to adjust. I have also named ours so I could bond with it!

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