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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take Dc(1) along to a party DC2 was invited too?

67 replies

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/05/2016 08:37

DS2(4) has a party invite today, Dh has been called into work, my parents are away.

Will to take DS1(7) along, with his Ds, some snacks and a book. He knows he can't join in, eat the party food or get a party bag.

Was going to text the mum but don't want to put her in an awkward position?

OP posts:

SouthWesterlyWinds · 15/05/2016 08:46

You're bringing an older sibling with his own food and entertainment so that you can keep an eye on his younger 4yo brother? Yep - I've had to do this (I did text the party parent) and it was fine. Just text the mum with apologies and explain that you're stuck but don't expect her to cater or include your eldest. I suspect it should be fine.

It's when your friend brings her brother plus visiting neices and expected the host to pay for all the extra entry (adults and children), trying to add adult drinks and food to the bill, expecting the relatives to be included in the party, soft play and party bag is not acceptable however.

I'm not annoyed 4years afterwards. Honest gov'nor!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/05/2016 08:47

Yes I think a quick text first is courteous, if nothing else.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 15/05/2016 08:47

I'd text the mum just to be polite but I can't see it being a problem. He might even be 'useful' and help a bit if not too shy.

HeffalumpHistory · 15/05/2016 08:48

I've had to do this. As have friends. Don't know anyone who wouldn't be ok with it as it's a hall party. Different if it's something where numbers are limited & paid per child. Then I can see it could be awkward.

I also wouldn't drop & leave my 4yo either btw.

FancyMakingMeABrew · 15/05/2016 08:49

ThickAndThin, He could just as easily not be tempted to join in as well. The OP knows her child best and if she thought there would be a big chance he would try to join in then I doubt she would be considering taking him.

scottishegg · 15/05/2016 08:50

Sorry read that wrong I'm sure party mum won't mind if u let her know.

Diamogs · 15/05/2016 08:50

A friend had a party in a hall where a number of people brought siblings like in your scenario assuming it was fine. .

Problem was the entertainer she had booked charged per head so as there were 6 additional children in the room over her 15 threshold she hot charged an extra £40 ish.

Do check with party mum first.

PPie10 · 15/05/2016 08:52

I too would text and ask. It's a hall as well do plenty of space. Besides its a Sunday, where do people expect to find other childcare.

rosepetaltea · 15/05/2016 08:53

Most entertainers have limits for numbers. I hosted a magic party - magician had max limit of 30 - 12 siblings attended - all very awkward

wonkylegs · 15/05/2016 08:56

I'd be fine with this, it would nice to have a heads up in advance but I would still be ok with it if I didn't.
Due to a local event being on the same day as DSs party we actually suggested that parents and siblings bring a picnic blanket and stay and although they won't be able to take party in the activity (number limited) they are welcome to play with the outside toys, watch and have some food as traffic will be rubbish.

Cubtrouble · 15/05/2016 08:56

Text and ask but it's a hall party and I'm sure the mum would be fine.

There's no way i would leave a four year old at a party and leave.

Your eldest one understands the party is not for him.

soapboxqueen · 15/05/2016 08:59

I literally haven't been to a party where other siblings didn't randomly turn up. If it's a softplay they pay their own entry anyway, halls or large spaces, they just sit at the side. Obviously they shouldn't take part in party activities or party food.

I think the only proviso would be a party at home. Then I'd call to check.

Original poster

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/05/2016 08:59

Don't think he would be tempted to join in, he is likely to be in an trance with his Ds. Will ask and see.

OP posts:

BrightandEarly · 15/05/2016 09:01

I think at 7 you're probably fine. I've had people bring siblings very close in age along, and that was a bit more tricky as it meant an extra place setting and lunchbox, and party bag. The mum did say I didn't have to any of that, but it's a bit difficult when the additional child is only 4 and doesn't understand.

Thethingswedoforlove · 15/05/2016 09:02

I wd say that as long ds1 genuinely wd be ok with being left out then fine. People have done this for me and I wd never have spare food or a spare party bag but I wdnt mind at all on that basis. I make up individual food boxes for each scored invited having asked for their roll filling preference so I really wouldn't be able to divvy up food for him....

diddl · 15/05/2016 09:03

The mum is hardly likely to say no if the alternative is that the invited child can't go, is she?

Are there no friends that the 7yr old could go to for a couple of hrs?

DontOpenDeadInside · 15/05/2016 09:03

If I was hosting a party in a hall wouldn't happen, too stressful I'd actually write on the invites "siblings welcome as long as you let me know in advance" The more the merrier!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/05/2016 09:03

Yes I agree Fancy if the op knows her ds will just sit there for 2 hours. Might be a bit long for a 7 year old though. Personally I wouldnt mind one quiet 7 y o at my 4 yo party .....but if I was asked first I would appreciate it, and not of every other parent turned up and stayed with other siblings.

Original poster

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/05/2016 09:04

Think I worry more as at DS1's 4th birthday, lots of siblings turned up, (was private hire soft play) and several queued up for party bags. I had a few spare but was short on masks to go with them, one parent was very huffy as her child (not invited) wanted a mask too not just a spare party bag So tend to be over cautious!

OP posts:

Lucyccfc · 15/05/2016 09:04

Please text and ask permission first.

I have had parties where different parents have brought siblings without asking. It puts you in a difficult position as the host, especially when the siblings decide to sit down at the table expecting food or join in with the games and then start wailing and chucking tantrums because they haven't won a prize or have a party bag.

It's my pet hate. Please always ask permission from the host.

NannawifeofBaldr · 15/05/2016 09:06

He doesn't have a friend you could ask to have him to play for a few hours?

I always said 'yes' to the last minute sibling request but quite frankly it was always a pain. They always ended up eating and angling for a party bag.

They weren't all very well behaved either.

Those that joined in 'to help' with the games got arsey if I didn't let them win the prizes.

As a result I have never taken either of mine to a party they weren't specifically invited to.

Original poster

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/05/2016 09:06

No friends really he could go to, he has acquaintances but not a good friend , that is a whole other thread.

OP posts:

Ratbagcatbag · 15/05/2016 09:06

As a party mum this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd like a text just to know and is probably have overdone the food anyway so they can help themselves. :)

Original poster

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/05/2016 09:08

That's what I want to avoid, will see if Mil could have him, don't like asking as they are fairly elderly.
All DH's fault

OP posts:

NannawifeofBaldr · 15/05/2016 09:09

In that case grump you'll have to text and check she doesn't mind. Do make sure that he is beautifully behaved and stays on the sidelines though.

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