DH's time consuming hobby

[PhloppysFonics]

DH has a time consuming hobby, it's something he does every weekend for 5-6 hours on a weekend morning. Sometimes he asks in advance if a competition is coming up and he will play both weekend days. Sometimes a competition will take all day.

He also spends a week with mates on holiday doing this hobby once a year.

We have one preschooler and one on the way.

AIBU to ask for a hobby free weekend every now and then? E.G. Once every 6 weeks? Once a month? Wherever could go away for a weekend or do things around the home? Or just spend time together?

It's also relevant that my family live away so hobby often prevents/interferes visits to family or from family.

YANBU. I am the one in my family with the time consuming hobby. I try very hard to make sure it doesn't take over. I could happily do it every week, but I don't as it wouldn't be fair to DH and DS. I think one weekend a month or so of him not doing it, is not a lot to ask. I think it says a lot about his priorities that he will not even discuss it!

Ask him what he'd do if he was having the kids every other weekend?

OP, you are being very reasonable to just ask for one family weekend a month. It's not like you're expecting him to stop his hobby. The fact that he won't discuss it speaks volumes.

Men don't care about family time, it's a romanticised concept of ideal family life created by women. I wish that women would understand that men aren't into the whole family and kids thing in the same way that women do.

What a crock of shit! Dh does just as much with the dc at weekends as I do, and prefers a family day out than doing a hobby or anything on his own. I have to encourage him to go out and do his own thing. So generalising is not helpful.

Op, you have had some good advice her. Your dh just going quiet and not discussing things seems to suggest he realises he's being U. He's being really selfish and carrying on like he's still single. No point having dc and wife if you don't spend any time with them. And they will soon be grown up and not want to spend any time with him...

You're taking absolute bollocks flowersandshit. Don't make sweeping generalisations about the rest of us based on your own experiences and standards.

*talking

"It's not the lack of me time I need it's the lack of together time or tackling jobs at home time.

I have brought it up and it didn't go down well. He refuses to discuss it and will just go very quiet."

He refuses to discuss it? Not acceptable. Not acceptable at all . He basically wants to live the Stepford life; working, playing, having all the boring things (like spending time with his children or domestic responsibilities) taken care of by his 'staff' a.k.a. 'wife'. A life where everything revolves around the wants (wants, mind; not needs) of one member of a household and everyone else must dance attendance is simply not good enough.

You are NOT being unreasonable to want some hobby-free weekends OP. You are being unreasonable to think one weekend in six would be enough .

If he wanted to have his leisure time unencumbered by a wife and children, then he shouldn't have married. But he chose to marry and have children, and it is high time that he stopped treating them as optional extras, to be rolled out when he needs to impress his boss or some such. Or he my end up. as YouTheCat mentioned, being restricted to plying every other weekend only s he'll be busy with his children on the alternate weekends.

Point out to him that you are not his staff and you do not exist to run his house and children for him, he is your husband and it is high time he considered what that meant, and one thing it means is that you DISCUSS things.