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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with this dinner lady?

69 replies

Welshmaenad · 12/05/2016 15:11

DC attend breakfast club which is staffed mainly by lunchtime staff. DD (9) is particularly fond of one dinner lady, let's call her A.

They have recently done a no-smoking poster campaign in school and DD was showing A her poster in breakfast club. A asked DD if anyone in her family smoked and DD told her (quite proudly) that Her dad and I used to smoke but have given up cigarettes and now vape.

A proceeded to tell DD some daily fail horror story about someone whose e-cig allegedly exploded in his pocket and told her 'mummy should be very careful with those things' and DD is now terrified mine or my boyfriend's or her dad's vaping gear is going to explode as we all use them. She's a sensitive soul prone to worry and a bit of melodrama. I've had to explain at length that e cigs are very safe if used properly and accidents happen when people charge them incorrectly or don't understand battery safety when using unregulated mech mods etc. I've managed to appease her but we had a few nights of getting out of bed upset and worried and crying because she thought one of us might get hurt.

AIBU to be really cross about this dinner lady telling my child horror stories and worrying her like this or am I overreacting??

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 12/05/2016 17:35

YABU.

If you want to reassure your DD then you can always quit.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 12/05/2016 17:35

Best be glad she didn't tell her you could have died from lung cancer if you;d carried on smoking eh? Hmm

What a ridiculous over-reaction. And as others have said, she's 9, not 4.

Your language about the woman is way OTT.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 12/05/2016 17:36

(although bash a dinner lady seems to be the MN topic of the week, which makes a pleasant change from bash a teacher I suppose)

BeezerBubble · 12/05/2016 17:43

Sorry to piss on the chips of the popcorn lung shitstirrers but the EU TPD article 20 which comes into force on the 20th May includes testing of eliquid for diacetyl and acetyl propionyl, the chemicals thought possibly to be problematic.
Be glad to see the back of that scaremongering twattery.

PotteringAlong · 12/05/2016 18:09

You could just stop vaping...

Crazypetlady · 12/05/2016 18:12

The real question is do you have s big stupid box on it

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 12/05/2016 18:23

I'm sure thirty years ago parents would've had the same attitude about someone who told their DC that their parents smoking was dangerous.

Vaping is better than smoking. But not vaping is better than either smoking or vaping.

Catmuffin · 12/05/2016 18:28

Yanbu

hazelangell · 12/05/2016 18:41

YANBU why the hell was she asking your DD if anyone in the family smokes anyway? Seems a very nosy and odd question to be asking your child Confused

Original poster
Welshmaenad · 12/05/2016 20:50

Yeah, popcorn lung us a load of bollocks but I don't go for the juice flavours that tend to have diacetyl in them anyway.

Yes, she is sensitive for nine. That's partly her personality, partly the fact that she's very young for her age due to a disability, and partly because my mum went into hospital for gallstones and three weeks later was dead from pancreatic cancer, and it's affected her and caused her to worry a lot about the safety and wellbeing of her remaining family. It's just who she is, I have no intention of bashing it out of her.

I have no intention of complaining, I save my complaining pants for bigger issues, but it really annoyed me.

OP posts:
ThereIsIron · 12/05/2016 21:04

You should probably stop vaping around your DD anyway.

Original poster
Welshmaenad · 12/05/2016 21:15

Why should I probably do that?

I mean, I'm not going to, but I always like to fully understand why I'm being a rebel.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 12/05/2016 21:58

Because you're normalising smoking. And it should not be normalised.

CaptainCrunch · 12/05/2016 22:28

E cigs are so tacky, why would you do that round your dc anyway? Some people use them like pacifiers, they look ridiculous.

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 12/05/2016 22:35

Some people are so pious about smoking. I can only assume they are completely paragons of virtue in all other areas of their life, pertaining to their health. Not a smoker btw.

silverpenny · 12/05/2016 22:44

Why not stop vaping anyway?

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2016 22:50

FFS the OP hasn't aske for advice/opinions on whether she should be vaping or not Hmm

To answer your question OP, yes I think YABU.

Your child sounds slightly on the extreme side of sensitive (getting out of bed, crying, worried etc) even after you explained.

That's not your child's fault but it's not the dinner lady's fault either.

She can't guess how every child is going to react to conversation.

Fanakapan · 12/05/2016 22:52

Why vape at all? And particularly around your DD.

If she's that sensitive and easily traumatised, wouldn't it make sense to ease her worries by just not vaping at all?

Ex-smoker here, never vaped, not sure what the attraction is.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 13/05/2016 05:56

That was the drip feed of the week there OP.

PlumPurple · 13/05/2016 06:03

Hate vaping but well done for giving up the cigarettes! I do think you are being a touch sensitive about it all though.

Jw35 · 13/05/2016 06:14

I gave up smoking 3.5 years ago and vape around my children. It's not harmful either for me or for them and those saying 'why don't you just give up vaping' have their own biases which are irrelevant to your question. Yes I'd be pissed with the dinner lady too, there wasn't any need for a horror story or any reason to be negative about your choices to your DD. I work with kids and if a child told me their parent smoked I wouldn't then talk about lung cancer etc. it's not something a child has control over so any discussion is pointless and potentially going to cause a problem for parent or child.

CaptainCrunch · 13/05/2016 07:10

Agree with ThenLate about spectacular drip feed. Funny how that happens when op doesn't quite get the responses they were looking for.

OddBoots · 13/05/2016 07:52

That wasn't a dripfeed, Welshmaenad has posted in the past about much of what she mentioned here, she is a regular and has been through quite a lot of stuff recently.

Even if she hadn't, many 9 year olds are sensitive and that isn't a bad thing, it's not an age where anyone should be telling a child that their parents are in some kind of danger when it's not an emergency situation.

exLtEveDallas · 13/05/2016 08:01

I agree that wasnt a drip feed. Welsh said in her OP that her DD was sensitive and prone to worry and a bit of melodrama. She is under no obligation to explain why and the reason why shouldn't impact on posters replies.

Blossom591 · 13/05/2016 08:53

E cigs are so tacky, why would you do that round your dc anyway?Some people use them like pacifiers, they look ridiculous
Oo bitch there. Who cares how they look? It's tough giving up smoking & if you've used vaping it may take a while to break from that too, she's taken a big step Jesus some people are very unkind
I don't see drip feeding either Confused she's just explained why dd is more sensitive at the moment , losing dg so quickly must have been a shock for her, I'm sorry