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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

With my wedding next month?

74 replies

IloveCliveBixby · 10/05/2016 10:57

After all the wedding threads on here, I want to just make sure I'm not pissing my guests off with my own wedding next month!

We are getting married in a large city a couple of hours drive from our home. Most people coming to the wedding have to travel anyway, so they'd have to find accommodation even if we had it at home.

We aren't having a wedding party, no best men or bridesmaids to buy outfits for.

We are feeding people only once. I'm a bit worried about this. Wedding is at 4 and We sit down for dinner (3 course meal) at 6pm. The venue closes at midnight. Do you think this is okay or do we need to put on an evening buffet? We aren't having extra evening or reception guests. Everyone coming will go to the whole thing. My rationale is, I wouldn't want to eat that much on a night out! And there's always cake.

We aren't putting money behind the bar. Should we tell guests this in advance? We are putting wine on the table and champagne for toasts and can't afford to have a free bar.

The registry office is one mile away from the reception venue. Should we pay for transport for everyone? Would you expect to be transported?

On the invitations we said we didn't need anything and "your presence at our celebration is enough of a gift". But one person has already ignored this and sent a gift. So should we have a card box at the reception in case anyone else ignores us? Or will it look like we were still expecting stuff? (I'm really not, promise!)

We paid for everything ourselves, do you think we still need to give gifts to our parents?

I've been to one wedding in my life and I can't even remember much of it. (they had a free bar )

Am willing to be told IABU if I am, so I can quickly try and fix it before the day!

OP posts:

middlings · 10/05/2016 12:48

Brummiegirl15 I had a similar situation. I asked people to get to the church (easy to do by public transport), bussed them to the reception and then had them make their own way home/back to hotel.

But the wedding was in the City Centre which meant that was easy. If your reception is rural, I would strongly considering helping with transport home. I was once at a wedding in a barn in the middle of nowhere where I was driving and I ended up shuttling drunk people to village hotels as there were no cabs available. I was not happy.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2016 12:51

Sounds fine.
I actually think it's a bit ridiculous when you have a 3 course sit down meal at 5/6 and then they put on a hog roast/burger van at 10pm. Totally unnecessary.
Only thing I would say is I will be bringing a present/cash in a card to all weddings I attend, regardless of what the b&g havd said. I don't think that's unusual. Opposite to lots of mners I actually prefer to be told what, even if it's a poem requesting cash! So, I agree with others, put a table/box out for gifts as you will get them.

WriteforFun1 · 10/05/2016 12:51

hang on, a central London venue? Do you mean half an hour walk - in which case, not so pricey in a cab? I moan about the price of everything but if we're talking about a 10 minute mini cab ride in London, most people will sort one out themselves won't they?

but then on the flip side is anyone bringing a car in central London?

Myfanwyprice · 10/05/2016 12:51

All sounds lovely, the only thing I would maybe add would be tea and coffee when the cake is cut!

TheCrumpettyTree · 10/05/2016 12:54

If it's London then people can just jump into a black cab or the tube.

I went to a wedding where the bride and all the guests all walked together to the reception!

MissMoo22 · 10/05/2016 13:00

I would definitely add transport and some cheese crackers round 10pm but the rest sounds fine.

Have a lovely day!

gingerbreadmanm · 10/05/2016 13:09

Never been to a wedding with a free bar so wouldnt be expecting that.

I would put nuts and crisps on later. Not loads, just something to pick at.

Sounds like a lovely day, hope you enjoy!

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 10/05/2016 13:18

It sounds lovely 💐

If it were me I'd

email everyone the parking/walking/transport information (no need to put transport on)

do cheese, crackers, coffee at 10pm (main course about 7, snack about 10 I think would be good, another couple for hours of dancing ahead!)

flowers for Mothers (just seems polite/nice/the done thing - but just get nice bunches of flowers, for god sake don't order them from a florist)

no need to put money behind the bar, but try to make sure bar prices are reasonable, not extortionate. One venue last year was charged us £9-£11 for a small glass of very ordinary wine. Not impressed.

Hope you have a wonderful day & a loving marriage 💐

ladymariner · 10/05/2016 13:18

I've never been to a wedding where transport was provided, wouldn't expect it.....as a guest, you find out where the church/venue is then you sort it yourself. Never been to a free bar either unfortunately , wine on the table is fine.

Your wedding sounds lovely, hope you have a fabulous time

LunaMay · 10/05/2016 13:33

I think it sounds lovely :)

I would maybe think about the nuts/crisps/similar idea for later only because i know a fair few of my family do not eat cake or would rather take it home but i think youd be fine without if you prefer .

Original poster

IloveCliveBixby · 10/05/2016 13:35

write Yeah, I don't know anyone bringing cars, as far as I know, everyone is getting the train or a flight there. Cabs or walking (or tube) are the options really.

OP posts:

Inertia · 10/05/2016 13:43

If nobody's driving then it would be considerate for you to provide transport- pre-hiring the taxis shouldn't be too big a job.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/05/2016 13:47

It sounds fine to me. I had a London wedding across two venues about a mile apart too. Everyone found the venue by way of the pub and it's a good opportunity for disorganised people to pick up a card, get fresh tights/plasters for shoes, eat a very late breakfast before the canapes.

Most people are aware that you will be off doing photos too so there generally isn't a rush to show up at the second venue.

Given you are having a small wedding, it might be useful to point out if you would like to get a group pic in the park so people don't disappear.

It's London so
a) plenty of transport options* unless there's a tube strike
b) it finishes by 12 but because it's London anyone who is peckish will have a million places to go and eat
c) a "cheesecake" works well as a filler upper when people get peckish unless your wedding cake will easily feed 30. But I refer you to (b)

You mention Royal Park - if that means Greenwich or Richmond it's going to be trickier to hail a passing cab. Central London, no problem and you can recommend Addison Lee or Halo/Uber too, particularly if there are last trains that need to be met.

If your parents are heading home that evening with luggage and your children then I'd look into booking them a cab all the way home.

Rather than buying cabs for everyone it is useful to keep some cash back to have some extra bottles of wine in reserve for the tables. Depends on your guests. I knew that my friends would work their way through a half bottle estimated allowance in a sneeze and it's handy to be able to authorise staff on the floor to open a few more bottles if it runs out quickly.

I think flower gifts for the mothers were traditional at a time when they would have done most of the organising. We didn't do it as we arranged and paid for the whole thing ourselves and as both sets of parents were travelling home from London on public transport, it would have been a bloody awkward thing to carry. I think we just made a point of saying how much support they had been as parents in the speeches etc etc. Much easier to have flowers delivered before / after the wedding if they have been lots of help.

frostyfingers · 10/05/2016 14:39

I must be very old fashioned....I would never expect the bride & groom to arrange transport for me from ceremony to reception venue, nor would I expect to be fed twice in the space of 6 hours! Wine on the table, plus champagne for toasts is more than adequate too - the days of free drinks are long gone and I would be surprised if anyone expects it.

I think treads wording is perfect.

Try not to stress (!) too much on the day - it always works out in the end and what seems hugely important right now is never as important at the time. Make sure you enjoy what you've organised, and have a wonderful day!

Helgathehairy · 10/05/2016 15:46

The only thing about this that sounds strange to me is a wedding ending at 12! I'm Irish - weddings tend to wind down at 2/3 but there's usually a few who stay going all night!

mnaab · 10/05/2016 15:59

I wouldn't expect to be transported between venues. My reception venue was much further than 1 mile from the church and everyone made their own way there. Has been like that at every wedding I've been too (sometimes people have had coaches for the wedding party bridesmaids/ushers but not all guests). Wouldn't expect a free bar either and not been to one with a free bar ( Seems like I've been missing out :( ). Probably a good idea to have a card table or box as people might bring cards. If the meal is at 6pm then I don't see the need for a buffet although a few bowls of snacks might be nice in the evening but not essential

MillionToOneChances · 10/05/2016 16:12

If it's in London you could join Uber yourself and then you'll get a code you can offer your guests for £10 off their first trip (and you'll get £10 credit for each person who signs up!).

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/05/2016 16:57

It's usually faster to walk a mile in London than take any sort of car or bus in any case and you have no idea how many people will be arriving directly with overnight bags etc. so even if you pre-hired taxis there's a good chance there wouldn't be enough space.
Don't do it - you'll only end up on the street trying to round up people for cabs and wondering why Great Uncle Twat chose right now to have his daily 40 min poo!!!

We used Addison Lee to get to the ceremony and another one to come back to take us to the restaurant. Booked one of their corporate cars so a bit like a limo. They didn't bat an eyelid, there was lots of space and the cars were clean and a damn sight cheaper than a "wedding car".
We walked to the hotel when the venue closed at 3am. We got full value for our late licence

JustMeAndHim · 10/05/2016 17:47

Hi op,

Your wedding sounds lovely.

Imo I wouldn't look to feed people again. We did at our wedding (started earlier) and tbh no one wanted much of the buffet because they were still full. I think if you have cake and maybe nibbles for later that would be perfect.

I wouldn't (and didn't) put money behind the bar. I don't expect that at a wedding personally and don't expect to have to be told in advance.

I wouldn't expect to be transported unless stated in the invite. It's not very far anyway so not like you're asking people to travel for miles to get to the destination.

I would have a card box at the reception - I would take a card even if no gift!

Have a fab wedding!

fadingfast · 10/05/2016 17:47

I would perhaps arrange for a couple of mini bus taxis for close family and any infirm elderlies, but otherwise let everyone sort themselves out.
Food arrangements sound fine to me (especially if cake is available later in the evening). A buffet would be a waste of money. As others have said, I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with a free bar (just drinks on arrival and on the table).
In your situation I really don't think presents from you to parents are necessary, as it doesn't sound as though they've helped with the organising.

sue51 · 10/05/2016 18:34

Sounds lovely. I might offer tea, coffee and biscuits at 10ish but it's not really necessary.

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2016 18:57

I would never expect to be transported from a wedding to a reception. I would know where they were and transport myself. Exception would be bridal party and you haven't got one of those.

Is this now a Thing?

Everything sounds fine to me. Have a lovely day!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 10/05/2016 20:11

Everything sounds fine, but I would let guests know (or let the bar staff tell them) that there are free drinks available.

My mum put money behind the bar at our wedding and because it wasn't in the room, no one realised!

Original poster

IloveCliveBixby · 10/05/2016 22:50

Thanks so much everyone!

OP posts:

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