With my wedding next month?

[IloveCliveBixby]

After all the wedding threads on here, I want to just make sure I'm not pissing my guests off with my own wedding next month!

We are getting married in a large city a couple of hours drive from our home. Most people coming to the wedding have to travel anyway, so they'd have to find accommodation even if we had it at home.

We aren't having a wedding party, no best men or bridesmaids to buy outfits for.

We are feeding people only once. I'm a bit worried about this. Wedding is at 4 and We sit down for dinner (3 course meal) at 6pm. The venue closes at midnight. Do you think this is okay or do we need to put on an evening buffet? We aren't having extra evening or reception guests. Everyone coming will go to the whole thing. My rationale is, I wouldn't want to eat that much on a night out! And there's always cake.

We aren't putting money behind the bar. Should we tell guests this in advance? We are putting wine on the table and champagne for toasts and can't afford to have a free bar.

The registry office is one mile away from the reception venue. Should we pay for transport for everyone? Would you expect to be transported?

On the invitations we said we didn't need anything and "your presence at our celebration is enough of a gift". But one person has already ignored this and sent a gift. So should we have a card box at the reception in case anyone else ignores us? Or will it look like we were still expecting stuff? (I'm really not, promise!)

We paid for everything ourselves, do you think we still need to give gifts to our parents?

I've been to one wedding in my life and I can't even remember much of it. (they had a free bar )

Am willing to be told IABU if I am, so I can quickly try and fix it before the day!

Our wedding is about a mile from the reception. People will either be in their own car (in which case they'd drive) and we've said in our information sheet that people can hopefully share lifts if necessary. It takes about 3 min to drive so people can always go backwards and forwards if needed.

We're getting married at 3pm, having afternoon tea canapés afterwards and a hot buffet about 6pm (will check the suggested timetable we've been given). Then cheese and biscuits and wedding cake later.

I think yours is fine

I would send an email about logistics suggesting where to park or public transport for both the ceremony and reception venue and suggest you may be able to put guests in touch with each other if they need assistance getting from one place to another.

wiggles We have pimms on arrival in the reception venue garden, as some guests may get there before us because of getting pics taken. I forgot to mention that.

What about buttonholes and corsages for parents? Instead of a gift?

I've never ever been to a wedding with a free bar so I wouldn't worry about that. As a guest I wouldn't expect transport put on for a mile, people are adults and can make their own way there. A table for at least some cards. I'd still take a present/voucher even if I was told it wasn't necessary, it would feel wrong tbh. Food sounds fine. Meal finishing around 8pm with cake later, can't see people wanting to eat anything else.

Sounds like a great wedding!

Oh and gift, well at ours we gave a very nice engraved crystal thing to my GPs who helped us, not only money but time and additional help too, we also got them a lovely bouquet of flowers. We also gave the same flowers to MIL who actively refused to help when we asked one thing of her. I wish we hadn't bothered tbh, I thought it was something you had to do (I got married young and had no clue about ettiquette).

If no one has helped then I don't see that gifts are required.

gifts we said no gifts but some people still turned up with them or sent them beforehand. We just put the cards in MILs handbag and the gift behind the bar for safekeeping. A box for gifts if you've said 'no gifts' might be a bit odd.

Button holes, I got talked into those at the last minute by the florist, not in a 'selling way' but in a - it's a good way to identify the wedding party kind of way. But I unfortunately forgot to get one for SIL, she hasn't forgiven me. So if you do get them then maybe just for parents!

If you want the wedding vibe then buttonholes and corsages for prominent family members looks lovely for the photos.

All the rest sounds great. I do, however, think it is nice to thank the parents for all their love and support over the years (unless blatantly untrue) and present a small gift or flowers. Photo frame is ideal.

People do have brains and will expect to have to make the short journey from ceremony to venue. If anyone is likely to have overlooked this then just let it be known in advance by offering helpful info about parking and distance.

Have a lovely day.

Great thread as it has a lot in common with my wedding!

We're putting transport on between the ceremony place and the reception place. Short distance city centre, like you, though perhaps a little further. I'm thinking minibus-style taxis... Mostly to keep everyone together in an unfamiliar city.

We're having a pay bar too. Our meal timings are different, so we are feeding people at night too - plus additional people are joining us.

Interested to hear about gifts for parents in light of you footing the bill. Same here as well. Hadn't thought about this.

It sounds lovely - honestly stress less . Buttonholes are nice but they're very weddingy so it depends if that's what you'd like. I find corsages a pain but that's just me, I'm not good with flowers - I'd do a nice bunch of flowers and some drink - but that's my answer to all gift questions.

Our (lovely) venue told us not to have a buffet in the evening of there were no new evening guests as they find most of it is wasted. Like you our timings were similar and we had cake as a separate course( a choice of cake flavours not just fruit) and that seemed to feed people well when they were a little peckish in the evening.

It all sounds perfect. Don't need to change anything. (Gifts to parents? never heard of this custom)

Ours was similar distance between registry office and reception venue - and I think we booked (and paid) for a big (eg 7-seater) taxi to do shuttle-runs for anyone who needed a lift. About half the attendees didn't need it as they had their own transport; but it was handy for those who didn't, saved them wondering how to find a taxi in a place that wasn't their home town.

You absolutely don't need to serve more food than you've planned.

The only thing (and I'm thinking in the context that people are travelling and some mightn't have managed proper lunch), the odd canapé with the Pimms might be sensible. I've been to too many wedding where people are hammered before the meal!

But even that might be overkill given your timings.

Given the travel, I'd make sure people know the buses and have cab details for people who might be infirm or elderly. The rest can walk!

I hope you have a lovely day

I would say that to some extent it depends on the size of your wedding. Laying on transport for 100 people to walk a mile is going to add up quickly. Bit different if you have an elderly grandparent or close relative.

If you have lots of email addresses and haven't covered this off then I would send out a "helpful" note a week or two ahead of the big day. Plus it is dead handy to actually have the details electronically on a smart phone as it's tedious to carry an invite and a map around.

Dear Guests

We are really looking forward to seeing you all on X day and "Egbert and I" are very pleased that you can join us to celebrate our marriage [or something of that ilk]

We thought it would be helpful to update with some additional details.

The Registry Office is here [insert link] and the ceremony will start at 3pm promptly. Please note that no confetti is allowed at the Town Hall.

Our wedding breakfast will be at X, approximately a mile / 10 mins walk from the Registry Office.
If your heels are too high or the weather is unkind, recommended local cab firms are: x, y & z.

We have arranged welcome drinks at X time after the ceremony and the meal will be served at 6pm. Carriages at 11.45. [polite form of kicking out time]

Please note that the X [wedding venue] will /will not accept both cash and cards at the bar. [implies that they will need some - especially helpful if the venue will only take cash]

Please send any emergency regrets on the day to X person [best man/MIL whoever] who will update the venue accordingly.

All the best, etc

as the person who started the "food at weddings" thread, a 3 course meal at 6pm after a 4pm start is fine. I would maybe put out nibbly things at 9 or 10 but I don't think it's necessary.

gift for parents - not necessary.

card box - more important is probably to have a friend in charge of them. I went round collecting cards at a "no gift" wedding. The couple were planning to open them the day after and there was no box for them, they were here there and everywhere. When they did open them they found a lot of gift vouchers and even cash - which was exactly why I took it upon myself to wander round the room picking them up and kept them in my room overnight!! (They were hammered and it hadn't really occurred to them that cards might have stuff in because of the no gift thing).

so leave the box somehwere you can keep an eye on it or get a friend to do that job.

Oh bugger I'm really worried about transport now! My church (where I live) and the reception venue are 30 minutes apart - does this mean I should be putting transport on?

I've made it very clear in my information card that there is a 30 minute drive to th reception, but now I'm panicking that I should be expected to provide transport.

I have got an evening buffet and I'm putting some money behind the bar although not all night. I've also said we don't expect anyone to bring a gift but we do have a list if anyone would like to buy us a gift. I haven't done it as a poem though and I certainly have not asked for cash!

I've probably done it all wrong haven't I??

I m just going on weddings I've been to previously and what I would do. I'd be happy if someone had a gift list so I could just pick something

Bugger!!!!!

First time I got married the church and reception were about 30 minutes or maybe more away. We have driving directions but didn't lay on any transport. Everyone got there - not sure how but I presume some people shared lifts. I don't think there's any need to provide transport tbh.

Is parking available at the registry office? If so many people will drive from there to reception. I do think it's worth checking beforehand whether any guests will need transport, and perhaps arranging/ prepaying a couple of minibus taxis.

I would provide some canapes at the reception venue to have with the Pimms. Photo-related faffery could mean that the 6 o'clock mealtime is ambitious. You don't need a full buffet again, but I'd provide a savoury alternative to cake for the late evening.

Wedding at 4 means everyone will have had plenty of time to eat lunch and so you only need to do one meal.

Cheese is nice with the cake tho!

You don't need to put on transport. Say it's 1 mile walk or here are a list of locat taxi numbers/ bus /uber it.

Generally best to tell people that there is wine on the table and for the toasts so they know to bring cash.

re transport, this has been an issue for me in the past as I don't drive (live in London so no need) and sometimes I've not known anyone to catch a lift with, plus it's awkward to ask strangers.

if you know anyone who won't be driving, maybe get cabs for them? How much will it cost if individuals who don't know anyone are getting in cabs? Or help to pre-arrange lifts. I have had the B&G tell me that they are sure "someone" will give me a lift, which immediately makes me book a cab as I don't want to ask a stranger.

So much good advice! Should have got mn involved at the start!

That email is perfect. Will do that. Thanks tread.

If we do buttonholes and corsages, it will be just for parents and our eldest child the youngest would eat it

We thought some booze or flowers for parents would be good, but they're getting the train home and have enough to carry, with their luggage and our children. Maybe a card with an "I O U a wedding album when it's done"? None of them helped with the wedding at all, but we didn't expect it. We are early-mid 30s and earn enough to pay for it ourselves. But it would be nice for them to have a memento.

There are less than 30 guests so taxis are doable. We are right down the street from a taxi rank apparently, also there is the underground. Or the walk to the reception venue is through a lovely Royal Park, so if it's nice, that may be an option. Might even walk myself!

I get the point about it looking like we are expecting presents. We really aren't, it's enough that people travelled to be there. Might tell MIL to bring a large handbag instead of a card box, just in case.

Also cake is lots of lovely flavours. No yukky fruit cake! (sorry fruit cake lovers, I don't like it!)

I would consider getting maybe one of those cakes made of cheese that are popular these days, and maybe some boxes of naice crisps and nuts for the evening.

Then I would hope nobody ate the cheese and I could take it home and eat it all by myself...

Sounds like my wedding which was at 3.30pm. 15minute drive between venues where there were welcome cocktails. We included directions so felt that was a major hint! Also no extra evening guests.

Incidentally paid for hair / dress and shoes for two bridemaids.

3 course dinner at half 6 or so after short speeches. Fizz with speeches.
Wine served with meal (1/2 bottle per person ish).
People bought own drinks after that (which is standard for every wedding I have ever been to!)
Cake put out about 10pm.
Close at midnight. Rooms were £70ish for those wanting to stay over which included full English breakfast.
We were all stuffed (and certainly lots of cake didn't get eaten!)
People used a random table for gifts and cards (we hadn't planned anything).
We brought our laptop and a memory card reader and asked people to upload their photos for us!

People said they enjoyed it - I certainly had a brilliant party.

Sounds all fine to me. If you really want to put out some more food, perhaps look at mini doughnuts at 10 pm?

I don't think you need to put on transport from the church to the reception venue. I've been to hundreds of weddings and have only once had transport between venues laid on. And that was a vintage bus because the bride & groom wanted one, not because it was needed, IYSWIM.

We didn't even put wine on the tables - everyone got a drink on arriving at the venue. We did make people aware of this.
The food situation sounds fine.
We offered to book taxis for our guests to the venue, only one family took us up on it and then forgot and drove anyway! Our venue allowed parking overnight, so a lot of people just left their cars.
We said that our guest's company was all we needed, as we're aware of how much it costs people to go to a wedding. We got an awful lot of money and we're so surprised (and very grateful and touched). So yes, definitely a card box.
I hope it goes well and that you have the most amazing day.