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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re money for DS?

58 replies

Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:20

My mum was going to put a few hundred pounds in a high interest account for each of my children or buy them some premium bonds as a small investment for them.

I have persuaded her to give me the cash for DS1 as he is in a really low paid job and has to get two buses to and from work and will have free driving lessons but doesn't see the point in learning as he cannot afford to buy a car. I asked her if it's ok use the money to buy him a cheap car after he as passed his test (as an incentive).

I was prepared to chip in a bit too. Have just told him (was quite excited) and he's kicked off saying it's his money and why does it have to go into my account and not his and why can't he spend it on a deposit on a flat - (he is not good with money - pays me about £35 a week rent and has owed me money for a while and does not earn enough to move out).

My mum def wanted to invest the money for him and I felt it was nice of her to agree that he could use it to buy a car

Am I out of order?

OP posts:
Becky546 · 09/05/2016 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:22

18

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:23

Fritters all his money - and my mum will not be happy if I give it to him and he just spends it on shit.

OP posts:
Becky546 · 09/05/2016 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuxtapositionRecords · 09/05/2016 20:25

He sounds pretty ungrateful to say this least! Just tell him - your grandmother gifted it to you to buy a car only, buy it or don't have the money.

Why are you even questioning this?

Babyroobs · 09/05/2016 20:26

Surely even if he bought a cheap car, he couldn't afford the extortionate insurance that it costs for young men, I have heard it's thousands? And how would he afford rent at 18 unless house sharing? i imagine even then it would be a struggle.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:28

I figured with a pretty crappy car the insurance might be manageable.

Feel a bit Sad as was looking forward to telling him - I thought he would be pleased.

OP posts:
scrabbletile · 09/05/2016 20:32

Yes, tell him grandmother wants to buy him a gift/something to use - not a cash present.

As someone said will he be able to afford insurance, tax, repairs etc etc though? I know when my DB was 19 the insurance on a 1.0 micra was horrendous (and he had visions of escort cosworths or similar!)

gamerchick · 09/05/2016 20:33

You shouldn't have told him yet.

Tell him to shut his cake hole or you'll be giving it back to his grandmother to invest like she wanted to in the first place and follow through if he throws a tantrum.

I was there when my daughter was 18 with a grand. I could have stuffed it down her throat in the end. I learned that lesson for when my son hits 18.

Becky546 · 09/05/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChicRock · 09/05/2016 20:34

Was your mum going to give your son access to the account or the premium bonds certificates?

If not, when was she actually planning on giving him the money?

I think you need to give your mum her money back and focus on helping/teaching your son how to manage his own finances - starting by having him pay you back the money he owes you.

QuiteLikely5 · 09/05/2016 20:35

If he is 18 and wants to buy a property and use that money as a deposit surely that's a very sensible thing?

NapQueen · 09/05/2016 20:37

Even a crappy car will still cost 1k plus to insure at his age.

I'd revert back to the original plan and have her put it into a high interest account till he is say 25.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:38

He wants to use the money as a deposit on a flat to rent not buy he's working a seasonal casual bar job.

How much was the insurance?

OP posts:
LitteRedSparkle · 09/05/2016 20:44

i think the main thing is, how much is it? its either enough to buy a runaround with your help or a lot more if he thinks it will work as a flat deposit

JuxtapositionRecords · 09/05/2016 20:48

In all honesty with an attitude like his, I would give your mother back the money.

AyeAmarok · 09/05/2016 20:48

Crappy cars often coat more to insure than new small cars.

As insurance companies consider older cars riskier and more likely to be in accidents because they're old and people won't take as good care of them. Also they'll have less safety features on them too. So it would still be at least £1000 to insure.

He sounds very ungrateful and not at all mature enough to be given the money.

Keep it until he wises up or turns 25.

ChicRock · 09/05/2016 20:49

If he can't cope with paying you £35 a week rent without owing you money I'm baffled as to how you think he's going to tax, insure, maintain and run a car.

AppleAndBlackberry · 09/05/2016 20:53

If he doesn't want a car then give it back to your Mum. I agree that a few hundred won't go very far. You may get a car that's unroadworthy at the next MOT plus another 2k for insurance...

HeyitsBB · 09/05/2016 20:57

To me it sounds like he isn't really interested in learning to drive, which is fine not everybody wants to.

I'd probably be quite upset to be gifted money but told what I'll be spending it on. Hardly seems like a gift. Although I wouldn't be happy for it to be pissed up the wall either.

victoriousponge · 09/05/2016 21:00

His insurance on even the cheapest, tiniest engine car will probably be £1300+, best case.

Friend's DS recently bought a car after coming into some money when turning 18. Car cost £2.5k (can't remember the make/model but it was something small, and about 5-6 years old).

He is now having to save for the insurance which will be £4k.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/05/2016 21:06

I think your mum had the right idea. Give it back to her, stick with the original plan.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/05/2016 21:12

It all depends on what the money is,

If it's this is for DS then it's his money and he can blow it on a naked cleaner for his tip of a bedroom if he wants.

If it's i would like DS to have xyz (item) then she hasn't given him money she's given him the item.

MatildaTheCat · 09/05/2016 21:17

My ds is 24 and has just passed his test. FIL wants to give him his bashed up Honda Jazz aged 11. Best insurance quite for third party, fire and theft was £1350.

Lessons and test fees were a fortune and then there's tax, petrol and maintenance. So YANBU to try to protect him but I'm not sure a car is the way forward. I think your mum should invest the money in whatever she thinks best and earmark it for him for when he's a bit older and wiser.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 09/05/2016 21:21

He sounds very ungrateful.

I was given a car for my 18th, very generous, except I only had a weekend job and as soon as the MOT came up I couldn't afford it and it ended up getting scrapped. Total waste. Way too expensive to run if you don't have a good enough job.

Let your mum put the money in an account. Problem is, he is already an adult, when would he actually get it? It's the sort of thing you do for young children.