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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re money for DS?

58 replies

Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:20

My mum was going to put a few hundred pounds in a high interest account for each of my children or buy them some premium bonds as a small investment for them.

I have persuaded her to give me the cash for DS1 as he is in a really low paid job and has to get two buses to and from work and will have free driving lessons but doesn't see the point in learning as he cannot afford to buy a car. I asked her if it's ok use the money to buy him a cheap car after he as passed his test (as an incentive).

I was prepared to chip in a bit too. Have just told him (was quite excited) and he's kicked off saying it's his money and why does it have to go into my account and not his and why can't he spend it on a deposit on a flat - (he is not good with money - pays me about £35 a week rent and has owed me money for a while and does not earn enough to move out).

My mum def wanted to invest the money for him and I felt it was nice of her to agree that he could use it to buy a car

Am I out of order?

OP posts:
Tink06 · 09/05/2016 22:34

YABU. Say its either for a car or to be invested. Had similar with ds. His Nan opened savings accounts for DC. We didnt tell them for this reason but D's found out. Has spent that money a hundred times over in his head....

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 23:52

He's come back this eve and apologised and we had a discussion about insurance and about how much it would cost to move out.

He seems a bit defeated that he can't afford to move out - I said to learn to drive and pass his test anyway (this will be free for him a family member has a driving school) and then look into the cost of insurance.

I presume I can't put the car in my name and insure him as a named driver?

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 09/05/2016 23:59

I feel differently, he's 18 and it's up to him what he does with money gifted to him. You shouldn't have had any say in it. His grandmother should have discussed with him, he's an adult.

I also feel very strongly that gifts should be given without reservation. I give cash gifts to my niece and nephew now and then. They've not always been sensible with money but if I give it I accept it's entirely up to them what they do with it. If I am unable to allow them to do as they wish I don't give it to them.
My sister tried to get me to tell them that the last chunks of money I gave them both was for them to learn to drive, but I don't care if they learn to drive or not, it's up to them what they do with money I give them, so I refused to do that. They are both in their twenties by the way. I gave them both some money at 18 as well though.

sashh · 10/05/2016 06:26

I think you need to look at this from the point of view of an 18 year old. His siblings are getting money in the bank but you have chosen what he should spend his money on and have the money in your account.

He is the eldest but being treated like a baby.

All of the above is how I would have thought at 18.

Give it back to your mum and have her put it in an account where he has to give notice to withdraw, or put it in a bond or something.

Tell him he can use it as a deposit but he needs to add to it, go through how much a flat cost, what the bills will be etc.

BrandNewAndImproved · 10/05/2016 06:31

You could do that op as long as he still lives with you.

BrandNewAndImproved · 10/05/2016 06:34

My insurance at 27 when I first passed was basically a hundred a month. My friend who was insured as a named driver on her 'dads' car was £23 a month.

awfullyproper · 10/05/2016 06:39

Won't moving out force him to be a bit more responsible. He could get a room in a flat share closer to work. So no bus fare needed.
Would the money cover that kind of deposit?

Floralnomad · 10/05/2016 06:42

Give the money back to your mum and let her do what she wants with it , your DS is in a low paid job and obviously keen to move out - those scenarios do not coexist logically with the expense of running an old car . BTW , you can insure in your name with your son as named driver but if he is the main driver then that is fronting and is illegal .

BeauGlacons · 10/05/2016 06:48

When ds was 18 we bought "him" an eight year old ka which I registered in my name with a black box fitted. He is a named driver and uses the car when he is at home. I run it to work and back two or three times a week. It's fully comp. He I building a no claims bonus and getting some driving experience. The insurance is still double my 2L SMax but we think it has been a good investment. If he were to cause less than £1.5k of damage we would pay for it having done the sums.

Doing it this way will break even if he needs a car in his own right before he's 24/25 with the bonus of him getting some driving experience.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/05/2016 06:53

How far away is his job? Could he cycle there? Or get a job within cycling distance!

AyeAmarok · 10/05/2016 07:02

No you can't do that OP. It's illegal. It's called fronting and if the insurance company find out neither of you will probably be able to get insurance again!

scopello · 10/05/2016 07:09

Let your Mum do what she wants - Premium bonds or a cheque for your son. She can gift it with emotional blackmail if she wants to but at the end of the day, he is an adult at 18. He will see you actions as controlling.

How much money does he owe you? Are we talking unpaid rent to you? He's 18 - what are his plans for the future? Does he want to move on from his low paid job?

NoahVale · 10/05/2016 07:11

he could be a named driver as long as you used it more than him surely?

HermioneJeanGranger · 10/05/2016 07:16

If he can't afford to pay you £35 a week, he can't afford to run a car, and a few hundred pounds won't even make a dent in the cost of insurance, MOT and road tax for an 18 year old over the course of a year.

By the same token, if he can't afford to run a car while living at home, he can't afford to move out. Is he working full-time? Does he have savings? What's all his money going on?

FoolMe · 10/05/2016 07:37

Insuring your sons car, knowing it's his, in your name is illegal.

There's a difference between saying you're the main user and actually being the main user

Beauglacons it sounds like you're fronting, if your insurer finds out they'd be well within their rights to cancel your policy and void any claims

FishWithABicycle · 10/05/2016 07:43

BeauGlacons if the car ownership and insurance are in your name then your DS is not building up a no claims bonus. Being a named driver on someone else's policy does not add to your NCB. He will continue to be considered to have zero NCB until he has held a policy in his own name.

There are insurance companies who will do a 10 month policy and award a full year's NCB after 10 months which can give significant savings.

Piemernator · 10/05/2016 07:50

He may not have initially thought through the renting a flat out properly but you can't blame a young adult for wanting to leave home.

If my Grandmother had wanted to give me money somehow or other and my Mother had made a decision about how it should be spent I would have been hacked off as well, regardless of any well meaning intentions.

maz210 · 10/05/2016 07:56

Fishwithabicycle - some insurance companies allow the second driver to build up their own no claims bonus. I did this with my husband when we were in our twenties to help get his insurance costs down. I've forgotten which company it was now, maybe direct line?

whois · 10/05/2016 07:56

I don't think it sounds like Beauglacons is fronting.

The car lives in the family home and she used to take to work several times a week. The son has use of it when he is home from uni in the holidays.

maz210 · 10/05/2016 07:59

We also found it cheaper to have my husbands car and policy in my name but with him named as the main driver on it. I had both cars and both policies in my name until he was thirty. That's perfectly legal, it's lying about who the main driver is that causes problems.

missymayhemsmum · 10/05/2016 08:05

Apologise to your son and put the money back in your mum's name. Tell him that when he can afford to rent a flat or has passed his driving test and can run a car he can decide which to ask his grandmother and you to help him with, but until then the money is tied up. Offer to match any savings of his own he can put to either goal.

GamingGirl · 10/05/2016 08:20

When I passed my test I was a named driver on both of my husbands cars but I drove one more than he did just because I enjoyed driving it the most but we tried to share the driving equally. When my husband rang the insurance company to ask whether I should be named main driver now they said nope it's fine to carry on as we are. After a couple of years of this we sold one car and bought a newer car and that became my car and I finally owned it and insured it myself. The best thing was that as a named driver I had earned 2 years no claims bonus and my insurance was now so much cheaper, more so than my husbands in fact. That was with direct line.

BeauGlacons · 10/05/2016 08:30

It's a policy with a household name and quite legitimate. A no claims entitlement is built up. It is not a cheap, illegal wheeze.

AyeAmarok · 10/05/2016 09:31

It's different between a husband and wife than a parent and child though. One is OK. The other is illegal.

OutToGetYou · 10/05/2016 09:39

Seems a lot of fuss for "a few hundred pounds" anyway. Not sure what sort of "high interest account" the Op's mother thinks she can find for such a small sum.

Dss gets over a hundred pounds just for each of his birthday and Christmas and he's only 15 and we allow him to do as he pleases with it.

However, as a separate matter, if he can learn to drive for free and has the time to do it, he should do it, it's a life skill that's really important and he may find getting a job is easier once he can drive.