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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate when people say 'lady' instead of just saying woman

80 replies

paintandbrush · 09/05/2016 19:43

Eg. "a lady came into the shop earlier and asked me..."
"I met a lady in the library who..."

Not the greatest examples, but I keep hearing this in a simpering, mincing, totally non-sarcastic kind of way- generally from social-climbing types who are anxious to sound 'polite'. Please, please do not let us go down the American route of perceiving the word woman as a kind of belittling slur. It shouldn't be.

OP posts:
Brainnotbrawn · 09/05/2016 20:01

Me = male

Sgtmajormummy · 09/05/2016 20:01

"Lady" all the way here. Cleaning lady, dinner lady, the lady who lives next door...
As a social marker of respect I think it's fine.

tibbawyrots · 09/05/2016 20:04

I still occasionally, if I hear someone say "don't get in the lady's way" move out of the way and then realise that I am the lady in question.

😳

SouthDownsSunshine · 09/05/2016 20:06

I always say 'lady' and struggle to see what's wrong with it. I'm also a big fan of the word 'chap' :)

Postino · 09/05/2016 20:08

I think there's an interesting parallel here with woman/man and the fanny/willy debate.

The male and female terms should be equally neutral, but the female ones have become so loaded with (mostly negative) meaning that's it's often seen as polite not to use them.

More so with fanny than woman, admittedly.

Original poster
paintandbrush · 09/05/2016 20:09

The word 'chap' needs a revival.

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 09/05/2016 20:10

What's wrong with lady?!

I've always told my dd to give your pennies to the lady/man.

Yabu

witsender · 09/05/2016 20:12

I use it a lot. Less formal than gentleman but nicer sounding than man.

But I am quite Pollyanna. I say 'oh gosh' and 'ooopsa daisy' on a regular basis, so I wouldn't take any advice from me on terminology!

Original poster
paintandbrush · 09/05/2016 20:12

So what exactly is the female equivalent of willy- straddling the line (sorry) between too obscene and too anatomical?

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 09/05/2016 20:12

I always use the word 'lady' when talking about someone we don't know the name of. No snootiness or what have you, just seems much more polite. I would also say to my children things like "let this gentleman past please" or " say thank you to the kind lady" etc. Etc. I think a bit of reverence, for people that you don't even know, is surely a good thing???

BonitaFangita · 09/05/2016 20:16

ooh 'chap' is a lovely word, sounds gentlemanly but friendly too Smile
I don't mind lady, there are worst things you could be called.
It does remind me a little bit of Little Britain, "I'm a really lady don't you know!" Grin

Witchinghours · 09/05/2016 20:18

YABU; being polite does not equate to social climbing.

Postino · 09/05/2016 20:18

Where I grew up, fanny was the equivalent of willy, but I gather this varies a lot geographically. Parents were fine with us saying it, but in the 30+ years since then, it would seem that fanny has become less acceptable

Bambambini · 09/05/2016 20:19

I use lady. Even call my friends girls, as in a girls night our or girls weekend away - shoot me.

EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brainnotbrawn · 09/05/2016 20:19

Oh no. It just brings back memories of the constant limiting talk of 'lady like' behaviour foisted on my peers growing up. I am a woman, not a lady, definitely not for me.

Postino · 09/05/2016 20:21

Don't think there is one widely acceptable term for female bits (the real name being seen as weird when dc say it), and if there was I expect it would become "too impolite" after a few years.

I've depressed myself now.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/05/2016 20:23

Yanbu. I absolutely hate it too.

But am very stumped for a good collective name for a group of women. So if I was going to send a text to a group of female friends, how would I start it?

Hi women, who fancies a drink at The Fiddlers Elbow on Friday week?

Hi chaps, who fancies a drink at The Fiddlers Elbow on Friday week? (have seen Mumsnet threads objecting to this one)

Hi cunts, who fancies a drink at The Fiddlers Elbow on Friday week?

Hiya, who fancies a drink at The Fiddlers Elbow on Friday week? (this is also unacceptable according to MN).

Original poster
paintandbrush · 09/05/2016 20:23

Ah, the complexities of linguistic change.

OP posts:
Original poster
paintandbrush · 09/05/2016 20:24

How is the last option unacceptable bibbity?

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 09/05/2016 20:25

Please, please do not let us go down the American route of perceiving the word woman as a kind of belittling slur.

I'm American. What do you mean by this? Many Americans, including me, generally use woman instead of lady on a regular basis with no implication at all of any kind of slur.

Postino · 09/05/2016 20:26

I used to say "Hi Peeps" but that doesn't work so well going into our 40s...

EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonitaFangita · 09/05/2016 20:30

I usedd to work with an Irish colleague who called everyone 'lad' regardless of age or gender which felt a little bit weird

Ankleswingers · 09/05/2016 20:32

In my neck of the woods , lots of people use the term ' BIrd'.

I know which I would prefer OP.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with lady.

YABVU