To call the Police on this man

[worstinshow76]

First post from sometime Lurker so please be kind. I have just had a horrid encounter with a guy delivering leaflets. I had a whole bunch pushed through the door as I was standing beside it i have a notice by the door politely but clearly requesting no Chuggers , (work from home and sick of being disturbed) or leaflets etc as they all end up in the tiny recycling bin. I just went down the road and politely offered to give them back and he just glared at me. He put his hand out to take them and then dropped them on the ground. I said you "just cant do that" He turned his back to me and his rusksack (in which said leaflets came from) was wide open so I just posted them back in (without touching his person in any way). This man (who towered over my 5.3 in flip flops , ) then swung around with his clenched fist to take a pot shot at me. He did stop himself thankfully before he lobbed a blow (I have no idea if it was the car which went by which stopped him). I was a bit shaken but managed to say " so that is your response is it? Hitting a woman in the street, as I left I told him I would be reporting him . His response was "An I"ll report you too you f..... bitch"....Nice
I DID START TO DIAL 101 when I got in but cancelled it as this guy could be unstable and I dont need a revenge attack etc And what could the Police do. I am pretty upset as no one has taken a swing like that since fight with siblings when I was small (about 40 years ago). Am I wrong and should. I at least tell the PCSO. The guy clearly has anger control issues. But I was polite and not abusive

Herecomepotatoes sorry missed out apostrophe in M'Lud which in itself was a dig at your nasty cross examination style (perhaps you are a criminal barrister)? I do not care as Mumsnet is not a Court of Law ok? I did ask him nicely to take the leaflets back and indeed one of the companies involved said that they must take them back if asked. You seem to want to make me out to be an agreesive old woman who goes around upsetting innocent people doing their lawful business . He dropped the leaflets on the ground after he took them, I had asked nicely if he could have them back. He swore at me because I said "you cant do that." And he did swing around fist clenched and hands raised ready to hit me but totally thank God checked himself. He is obviously one who has lashed out in the past. I am not violent and I will speak to our PCSO who has done a lot for this village.2 Companies whom I reported him said they wont use him again so I appreciate that advice from other kinder posters.

"Unfortunately this is how the police work these days"

We have different ideas of fair. Should the police simply take the OP's word for it and not further investigate?

God that sounds awful Aerith my commiserations. That did occur to me to as there are no witnesses. Still more worried about a reprisal as he knows where I live. My dh says what you said dh is 6 ft would he have reacted the same. At the end of the dsy he totally over reacted. He took back the leaflets and wanted to make a point by chucking them on the ground all because I asked nicely. If I had been more abrasive I guess I would have been definitely on the ground. I hope there is karma or a cure for himm

"He is obviously one who has lashed out in the past."

Why obviously? Did he have a tattoo? I always find people with tattoos are clearly people who have lashed out in the past.

I was asking questions to clarify the situation as it has kept changing. It has again in the last post. Did he swing? About to swing? Ready to swing? Begin swinging? It wasn't supposed to come across as nasty.

"You seem to want to make me out to be an agreesive old woman who goes around upsetting innocent people doing their lawful business ."

We both seem to have done that. You were annoyed by the leafletting so rather than simply put them in a bin, you marched down the road and confronted him.

He shouldn't have sworn at you.

I wonder how easily he'll find another job. He obviously isn't high on his luck judging by his age and occupation but at least he was trying to support himself. We'll he was until you antagonised him, he responded (within the law) , you made a few phone calls and he now won't be re-hired.

It's not normal for ANYONE to spin round, fist clenched unless they perceive themselves to be in immediate danger; if this reaction occurred when it was after dark, in a dodgy area and in an isolated place then I'd understand his reaction.

The fact he'd just acted aggressively to the OP by dropping the leaflets means that he knew fine what he was doing when he clenched his fist and spun round when the OP (very unwisely) made contact with his bag.

He was doing it to probably "teach her a lesson" by scaring her off.

No disrespect but he raised his clenched fist as if to bop her one. I don't think it's cricket to bop a granny, whether implied or not.

Also potatoes, please tell me you are having a giggle with the tattoos/lashing out connection?

He had no right to be posted leaflets when someone has a no junk mail sign, he disrespected first. I have one to and still get god dam junk mail

potatoes
I know people sometimes lie but if you are being arrested then telling your side rather than phone first to tell your side I think it shows a little who is the distressed one and who isnt

I was pointing out the ridiculous accusation that he was "obviously one who had lashed out in the past" and asking what made it obvious.

I began by saying he was an unpleasant man but reporting it would do no good as he did nothing really wrong. Threatening behaviour, in the way the OP has described ie. her following him which resulted in him swearing and littering won't warrant police attention.

Besides the changes in her story, there's something about the OP's actions, that seems off. She marched down the street, posted (or threw, depending on which version) the leaflets into his bag despite her bad hips. She had no issue accosting him despite him being someone who has obviously lashed out in the past but then after frustrating him to the point where he turned around fist raised* and used his words to get her to back off, she then made some calls and ensured they won't employ him again.

There just seems something a little Daily Mail about the OP and having debunked the myth the police would see his actions as unlawful threatening behaviour, I can't see what he should be charged with or reported for.

Imagine the OP answering these questions and the police remaining on her side.

"And where did this happen?" - "down the road"

"what was this aggressive man doing?" - "walking away from me"

"what had he done to make you follow him down the street" - "he put something through my letterbox"

...

"well, he's a naughty boy for littering. What did you do next?" - "Well, I threw them at him"

"and that's when he swore?"

*again, depending which version you read he swung, got ready to swing, stopped himself swinging or began to swing

areith

You have a letterbox and there is an implied right of access to the property to use it. Because the mail is unregistered and unregulated the mail preferential service doesn't apply. Should you prove clear loss of earnings then theoretically you could take them to civil court for it but that clearly isn't going to happen.

A 'no junk mail' sign is as useful as a sign saying "dangerous dog" or a "designating yourself as no cold callers" area. It's means the square root of nothing.

You may have been questioned under caution but from the information you gave, you wouldn't have been arrested unless there's something you aren't disclosing in your post.

As well as that, being the first to phone doesn't prove innocence. It may suggest it but you should be pleased that it was investigated.

Contact the company and tell them that the bloke they were paying to leaflet drop was skiving by putting 11 leaflets through your door. Then explain his behaviour. They won't use him again!

worstinshow76 What a shocker for you. He is clearly a man in the right job, and who knows how to treat a lady. He has yet to complete his customer care course clearly. You must have seemed like a massive threat to him, all 5ft 3ins of you.
Even you "touching" his rucksack is hardly a threat to him (although you probably shouldn't have done that tbh).
In your shoes I would probably report it to his bosses at the distribution centre. You may need to rummage in next door's bin under cover of darkness to grab some of the leaflets to find out who they are.
Horrible experience for you.

I am sorry this happened to you. If you were a man you can bet that would of never happened.

Nah, if she was a man he would probably have punched him. Her.

There seem to be quite a lot of posters very keen to justify male aggression.
OP he sounds really aggressive and unhinged. Anyone who is trying to imply you're at fault as well or just as bad is a contrary, victim-blaming twat.

A victim of what toast?

What do the sexes of the Op and the person with the fliers have to do with the situation?

HerecomePotatoes you can remove your wig and your high handed attitude as I said I am not in the Court but on a forum. You seem determined to paint me into something/someone I am not . Yes I have had new hips but I can walk. And there was no confrontation initially I asked him nicely and he took them and then had his childish tantrum. I did not tail him down the road like a pack of hounds he was next door. I have handed back leaflets to other more human distributors and have had no problems. I live in an area with much development so we are inundated with flyers which is why I put the notice up as it does seem a waste binning them. A few neighbours don't like getting the amount we do as they feel when they are on holiday ,flyers all over the mat are great ads for an empty house. Perhaps we are an older paranoid generation obsessed with security. As to the "previous form "remark , when I rang his employer he told me himself that the man x had a temper. He told me to tell the angry man to "Do one if he gets in your face again" so it is reasonable to assume he has form. You come across as a nasty poster implying that I have done him out of a job. I did not get the impression they were going to sack him rather his boss was laughing it off as a jolly jape. However 2 companies on the leaflets have said they would not use him again as it was not the image which they felt was good for their business. If I was a small business owner I would concur. This man was in his 30's I am 60 his was biggish I am little. He was intimidating end of story. And where did I mention tattoos , you clearly have some issues.

You clearly have issues. I suggest not following people down the road and trying to put things into their bags.

The fact you think I am nasty because I have a different opinion to you or that I "have issues" because I don't like the way your story is changing or the way you went looking for trouble suggests more about you than you imagine. Being 60 and a female doesn't excuse your behaviour.

He didn't lash out. Well, he told you to fuck off, but so would I if you threw something into my bag.

I find it hard to marry the fact he was intimidating but you were following him down the street. Do you not see anything unusual in the imagined conversation below?

"And where did this happen?" - "down the road"

"what was this aggressive man doing?" - "walking away from me"

"what had he done to make you follow him down the street" - "he put something through my letterbox"

...

"well, he's a naughty boy for littering. What did you do next?" - "Well, I threw them at him"

"and that's when he swore?"

potatoes you justify him showing his fist to someone who could be his grandma? You saying he didn't aim to intimidate the shit out of her? That's ok?

You'd be ok if someone did that to your DC if they annoyed the hell out of him, as children do??

Potatoes I have no more wish to indulge your adversarial behaviour. I will speak to the PCSO next week and am sure that I won't be arrested. My main reason for coming here today was to glean advice and it has all been good advice as I dialled 101 and hung up before deciding to post . The absolute main reason I did not log the incident was that if the PCSO is in the area they might go and have a chat with the man as he was continuing his rounds. I was worried he might turn up again afterwards even more angry at my house so I was scared. The story is not a figment of my febrile imagination . It happened ok and as a result I just feel a tad less safer in our lovely village I will not touch people's rucksacks or come out of my gate in future to hand back bumps. But If I am by my car or outside the front door and a leaflet dropper comes by I will carry on politely declining and if they get nasty I will drop them in my bin and leave it at that It is still my right to refuse leaflets. I am not asking you to agree with me but in your eyes I am the aggressive monster and he a hard done by sort who I have "done out of a job" you are the one twisting the narrative and in a truly nasty way. Good night , and I hope I never meet up with you in a Court of Law as yes you do sound a little like "NastyLawyer"

worstinshow76

Well, I think you're showing your true colours.

anothertime

I've already sounds particularly unpleasant and I'd be furious but I'd tell my children off for antagonising him, throwing things at him etc and that kind of proves my point here.

Jesus fucking Christ!!

She didn't chase him down the street; she was polite.

There is NO excuse for his behaviour!

I've already sounds particularly unpleasant and I'd be furious but I'd tell my children off for antagonising him, throwing things at him etc and that kind of proves my point here.

Yes agreed but is it ok for him to clench his fist at your vulnerable, intimidated DCs?

Herecomethepotatoes The Op had a shock and I can only imagine how upsetting it must have been to have been looking at the wrong end of a clenched fist when the person wielding it is over a foot taller than you are and a younger male. Don't be so hard on the OP, I expect she realises herself that this was not her finest hour.

You were right to point out the OP's error of judgement in following the the guy down the street to return his leaflets, but that does not excuse his behaviour. Two wrongs do not make a right.

My sympathies do rest with the OP. In my book it is never acceptable to show a clenched fist to those vulnerable by age, height, fitness or sex.

He was completely unreasonable and aggressive.

No excuse.

But as this is an Internet forum and you asked for opinions - you could have easily recycled or thrown away the leaflets without making a passive aggressive 'point' of following him down the road and handing them back.

Being mildly disgruntled by receiving something you don't want is fine. Throw them away. Following someone to hand them back to make a point was just not necessary. His response was completely unjustified but I loathe people making a passive aggressive point towards low paid workers who have just been paid to do something. Same goes for people who are rude to telephone cold callers. It's very possible to say you're not interested in something whilst still being kind.

It's not their fault they're being paid to do something that annoys others so making them feel like shit/stupid/a nuisance leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Complain to the council or their employer or whatever but to follow them down the road and hand them what they've been paid to deliver and then worse - try and 'post it' into their personal belongings is just rude and unpleasant.

YANBU
Definitely report him. Clenching his fist and acting as though he was going to hit you is a threat. He sounds horrible and probably has form for hitting women.

It is annoying having so many crappy unwanted leaflets shoved through your letterbox. I put them straight into the recycling box. Such a waste of paper and ink. They charge 5p for plastic carriers in supermarkets but we can still afford to waste paper/ other resources. 😡