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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call the Police on this man

101 replies

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 12:45

First post from sometime Lurker so please be kind. I have just had a horrid encounter with a guy delivering leaflets. I had a whole bunch pushed through the door as I was standing beside it i have a notice by the door politely but clearly requesting no Chuggers , (work from home and sick of being disturbed) or leaflets etc as they all end up in the tiny recycling bin. I just went down the road and politely offered to give them back and he just glared at me. He put his hand out to take them and then dropped them on the ground. I said you "just cant do that" He turned his back to me and his rusksack (in which said leaflets came from) was wide open so I just posted them back in (without touching his person in any way). This man (who towered over my 5.3 in flip flops , ) then swung around with his clenched fist to take a pot shot at me. He did stop himself thankfully before he lobbed a blow (I have no idea if it was the car which went by which stopped him). I was a bit shaken but managed to say " so that is your response is it? Hitting a woman in the street, as I left I told him I would be reporting him . His response was "An I"ll report you too you f..... bitch"....Nice
I DID START TO DIAL 101 when I got in but cancelled it as this guy could be unstable and I dont need a revenge attack etc And what could the Police do. I am pretty upset as no one has taken a swing like that since fight with siblings when I was small (about 40 years ago). Am I wrong and should. I at least tell the PCSO. The guy clearly has anger control issues. But I was polite and not abusive

OP posts:

NeedACleverNN · 09/05/2016 13:47

No report him. He should not have gone to hit you. That was out of order

However next time just chuck em straight in the bin.

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 14:02

Thanks Matt Dillon I just rang another company (Window Cleaners) mobile number and got through to a chirpy chappie who said "I know who your'e talking about. That's X he used to clean for us an now does leaflet drops. Yeah he has got a temper on him. Next time he gets in your face just tell him to DO ONE love." Ok but I wont be getting close to him ever again. Nice to know they were concerned though

OP posts:

AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/05/2016 14:05

YANBU can't believe what you went through!!
I personally wouldn't report cause I'd be worried for my children the guy knows where you live etc and he seriously doesn't seem right in his mind. If i didn't have DCs I would report though

Can't believe some responses here!! You didn't deserve any of this! I'm sure he wasn't trying to defend himself
Thank God he didn't actually hit you

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 14:24

Thanks for all the support and nice sentiments. I work from home during the day an am on my own (unless grandchildren are here) so am a bit scared of reprisals. However at least I know that his employers are aforementioned window cleaning company /leaflet distributers. I suppose I am a bit old fashioned and if someone blatantly drops litter like this guy I will zip it instead of saying "you can't do that" next time. Funny thing is I only felt scared when I got home with heart racing. I was prepared to challenge him and look him straight in the eye. Adrenaline I guess.

OP posts:

herecomethepotatoes · 09/05/2016 14:35

I'm not sure I would have reported him. You antagonsied him and he swore bt didn't do anything else. Like you said, it may have been the car going past, but he didn't.

a very active neighbourhood watch and have declared ourselves a no cold-calling zone

What does that mean (the second part)? Can I declare a free pizza zone and get annoyed if I don't get a 20" neopolitan delivered every Saturday?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/05/2016 14:39

Ah. She antagonised him, so basically she deserved to be swore at and threatened.
Aren't you a delight.

amarmai · 09/05/2016 14:42

i read the deliberately exaggerated response you got at the beginning,op. This is a common mn tactic to direct the tone of responses you get against you. Yanbu.

herecomethepotatoes · 09/05/2016 14:46

He threatened her with reporting her. He shouldn't have sworn but I've never heard or seen vulgarity like I have on Mumsnet so I assume the OP can take a little swearing.

She shoved something into his bag and he swung around with a clenched fist which he then lowered. I'm not saying he sounds like a pleasant man but what do you think he could have been reported to the police for? Littering? Not even disturbing the peace.

Aren't you a delight

No need for sarcastic digs because I have a different opinion to you. Try to be pleasant.

What should he have been reported for, livinginalighthouse?

Beeziekn33ze · 09/05/2016 15:00

If he's that angry he may be 'known to' the local police anyway. You could ask their advice/report him on 101. Littering is an offence anyway. He isn't much use to the businesses he's distributing for if he shoves 11 leaflets at a time through letterboxes.
No, here-comes, not everyone on here is happy with obscenities and can 'take it'.

herecomethepotatoes · 09/05/2016 15:12

"No, here-comes, not everyone on here is happy with obscenities and can 'take it'."

True.

Was shoving them into his bag acceptable or quite similar to his swearing? I'd say they're on a level.

Littering is an offence and disgusting. Tell me what you imagine the police would say to you though if you called 101 every time you saw someone drop rubbish?

I'm interested to know what the police would say. Remembering he didn't physically threaten her, she did touch him/his bag though. That's genuine interest. I suspect that they'd tell her to keep her hands to herself and that while he shouldn't have sworn, he didn't do anything wrong.

I think he'd find it extremely easy to argue that when someone touched his bag, his reaction was to spin around with his fists clenched. When he saw the OP wasn't a threat he lowered them / un-clenched.

So, are you suggesting 101 for littering? If not, for what?

AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/05/2016 15:20

Remembering he didn't physically threaten her
he did threaten her, he clenched his fist

When he saw the OP wasn't a threat he lowered them / un-clenched.
He knew the OP wasn't a threat as this wasn't the first time he laid eyes on her! That was him saying "had enough of you, now I ll show you"!!

Beeziekn33ze · 09/05/2016 15:23

Aggressive swearing as well as deliberate littering, nothing wrong with reporting him, I'm not saying 999.
OP may find a chat with police reassuring.

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 15:34

Calling me an effing old bitch might have puqued their interest. The 2 PCSC's in the village have a zero tolerance to swearing and I feel they would have done something. I am more scared of a nasty reprisal from an aggressive unhinged individual . He was a good 30 years younger than I and a good 6 inches taller and obviously suffers from the "red mist" and I lobbed the leaflets "netball style" through the gaping hole of his giant rucksack. But as a granny with new hips I guess I am on a par with the "Terminator" ie Public Enemy number 1. I just feel sad as I have always felt safe here and now today just feel a little less safer. I lived for years near a rough housing estate in Stockwell and although obviously on the QT I never once experienced the vilience dudplayed by this man . I do not want to become a little old lady scared of her own shadow. Brother who is a lawyer says the bloke could have been done for threatening behaviour and it would be taken seriously. His defence of said leaflets touching his rucksack might not count for much. However one has to have witnesses. .he also said as others have here that he obviously has "form" his boss was trying to downplay his aggressive nature IMHO..

OP posts:

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 15:36

'Piqued" not Puqued also PCSO sory typos

OP posts:

herecomethepotatoes · 09/05/2016 15:44

Yes, I've had enough of you following me down the road and shoving something into my bag.

Remember that reasonable force allows you to defend your property and you don't need to be struck first. She grabbed / shoved something into his bag. He raised his fist but didn't do more. Do you honestly think he should be prosecuted for something other than littering which whilst I've said is horrible, is quite a way down the police list of priorities.

Aggressive swearing when the OP was following him down the street.

I've said that he sounds unpleasant but the OP didn't act sensibly. Perhaps even unlawfully. He might have actually been a bit mental and attacked her. Was the risk of being thumped / stabbed worth it? That's not (potential)victim blaming, that's avoiding unnecessary risks.

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 15:46

Thanks Beezie, DB said pretty much what you said. One of our PCSOs is doing a surgery in our village hall next week and I may raise it with her face and she does take littering seriously. And he jnew it was me lobbing those leaflets in his bag to all those on here who feel I may have posed a threat to him. There was NOBODY else around. Very discouraging to note that a few of you think it is ok to lash out. Sad times indeed

OP posts:

FuriousFate · 09/05/2016 15:46

I had similar when I was on mat leave. Opened the door, gave the leaflets back and was told in no uncertain terms to F off. I pointed out the no junk mail sign in the door but got more abuse. So I called everyone whose leaflets he was delivering and told them exactly who they had representing their companies. Got a fair few apologies.

t4gnut · 09/05/2016 15:49

He didn't punch her - someone grabbed his rucksack from behind, he turned instinctively with fist cocked. He didn't know what she was doing.

Don't waste police time.

herecomethepotatoes · 09/05/2016 15:50

I wonder what story your brother was told OP as you've gone from "posting" the leaflets to throwing them at him.

What kind of bag did he have? Did you screw them up into balls before throwing them because throwing a flat piece of paper netball style and getting them into his bag, for him to reach in a grab them out would take enourmous skill. Did you throw all eleven at once or one at a time. Had you managed to throw all eleven in before he threw them on the ground?

I'm not saying his behaviour hasn't affected you, but I'm not sure about the inconsistencies in the story. Sorry if I've misunderstood. I'd love you to explain how you did throw / post them into his bag and how you got all of them in before he threw them on the floor.

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 15:57

I did not grab him. Try reading again

OP posts:

Original poster

worstinshow76 · 09/05/2016 16:03

Ok 11 leaflets folded scrool style in elastic band. "Posted /libbed so I would not physically touch him into a huge rucksack thingy (*almost ike the massive holdalls/baskets Tea harvesters) wear on his back so it was not a common or garden rucksack however it was the most convenient word . It was full of leaflets NOT his personal possesions and I did not touch him Mlud. Will that do, he was wearing timberland boots if you need any more details.

OP posts:

herecomethepotatoes · 09/05/2016 16:16

If you want to pretend we're in court (m'lud is the term to address the judge), then fair enough.

You have changed you story from him raising a fist but stopped before lobbing a blow to "I am pretty upset as no one has taken a swing like that since fight with siblings when I was small". Did he swing or not?

You have gone from "posting" the fliers to throwing them netball style into his bag. You followed him down the road while he was going about his entirely lawful business. He tried to walk away from you, according to your first 'testimony'.

I put it to you, that while your next post may change some details yet again, he was pushed to his 'threatening behaviour, that PCSO's aren't worth the uniform they're dressed in and that you consider your behaviour in all of this.

I think it's clear your brother isn't a criminal lawyer.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2016 16:27

Tbh I think you both acted like twats.

He ignored your 'no leaflets' sign. That's annoying but you overreacted by going after him.

Your behaviour was invasive when you decided to put the leaflets in the rucksack that he was wearing. That's annoying but he overreacted by swinging round as if to take a shot at you.

I think the rest - his height/your height/the male and female thing is irrelevant really because you knew all of that when you decided it was ok to put something in the bag on his back.

CancelTheCheque · 09/05/2016 16:54

Can you perhaps report him anonymously? Especially if you know his name etc. Even if nothing happens it might be wise to have it on record just in case anything further does happen, whether with you or someone else.

Are you friendly with the neighbours? Might be wise to explain what happened and give a description, that way if he does come back you have a little more support and people keeping an eye out.

AerithEarthling · 09/05/2016 17:11

The problem is if you report this what will happen is all he has to say is you hit him then the police will arrest both of you. Unfortunately this is how the police work these days, they will see it as tit for tat.
Happened to me when someone robbed my house and damaged my car, all she had to do was lie and say I threatened her with a knife and damaged her car (which of course did not happen) then I was arrested as well and she was not charged because the CPS and police thought it was a tit for tat thing.

Very disturbing how the law works these days.

I am sorry this happened to you. If you were a man you can bet that would of never happened.

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