To not want to share DS's birthday 🎂??

[Sassypants82]

My DS turns two soon, he's an only child & we're thrilled to bits with him. His Aunt's birthday is the day before his & this year, his little family tea party will be held that day, as it's a Sunday & the family are available etc. My DH has steamrolled ahead & invited the family round, effectively for a joint birthday celebration & its really pissed me off. I realise this probably harks back to my having to share, somewhat, my birthday growing up, every year with a sibling (we're not twins) & also due to the fact that DH's sister constantly requires his help for various reasons & I've had issues with how much time he's spent away from his own family doing shit for her. I should say, I genuinely like her, its more him than her insisting on doing stuff for her (although she'll ask too) & I think he feels a sense of responsibility for her, however she's made some pretty stupid decisions & has needed alot of support from her family through the years.
Anyway, I know it sounds stupid but AIBU to be pissed off? My own family will be there & I think it's weird having her birthday party with them, despite it being on the day of her actual birthday. More annoyed DH just went ahead & put it out there without asking me. Having re-read this I know it sounds ridiculous yet I'm severely pissed off. Told DH that I would not welcome any more joint celebrations in the future. Am I being unreasonable??

I think it showa you have a lovely OH who does not want to leave his sister out and away from family on her actual birthday.

Let's face it birthdays are always more of a deal for kids anyways. So I would imagine other than happy birthday greatings and a cake. The day will be you DS anywas surely? I mean what is she going to do that will take away from him so much? Or have I been missing out on huge birthday celebrations I do not know about?

It could be worse. My MIL who is generally very nice has an annual strop that DD2 came 3 weeks early as her due date was originally on MIL's birthday. Somehow it' my fault that they can't celebrate together. DD's birthday is a day or two off mine instead which means my birthday no longer exists.....sniff

Thank you
Feel so much better about the whole thing & can see clearly now that I'm not clouded by frustration. I'm very lucky that my DS has such a loving Aunt & I know I'm so, so lucky to have a genuinely lovely DH who is constantly trying to do his best by all of us.

Have a great evening & I really appreciate all the posts.

Sassy, you sound really lovely.

Can I just say, though, that you should feel you are able to say to your DH if you feel your boundaries are being overstepped. So if he offers your family time, or a family belonging, or as you posted earlier, one of your own personal belongings, you should feel able to bring that up with him, without him stropping. (Auto correct changed that to stripping. )

You should feel you are able to say, "sometimes it seems DS misses out on seeing his DDad, because you are being such a good brother to DSIL".

It seems like you are sometimes being forced into this generosity towards your SIL, when actually, you would prefer to give it, yourself. This is making you resentful of her, which, as you like her and value her, you don't want to be.

Is there any way you could get that across to your DH?

On the wider issue of your DH spending time doing stuff for his Dsis - he ought to ask you first before he offers help to Dsis. He is 50% DS's parent so he needs to have your agreement before he does something that means he can't do his share of looking after DS.

Of course then you'd probably feel obliged to agree but at least it would get the point across that it is impacting you and DS when he disappears. And you might be able to suggest that he helps Dsis at a more convenient time (? evenings when DS is in bed?)

YABU - my dad, daughter and father all have birthdays within 6 days of each other and we always celebrate them together. It makes sense for the family to only get together once and personally I think it's nice.

He's 2, he won't have a clue what's going on! Just try and enjoy and plan something different next year

I'd leave it go for this year. but only this time.

I wouldn't be happy with playing second fiddle to my SIL.
I do think there's trouble ahead here in the future, sooner or later, actually.
your DH does need to get his priorities right.
and sounds like SIL needs to find herself a boyfriend.

Sorry OP but YABU and quite PFB. Your son will love the extra attention with a larger crowd.

Mine were completely oblivious to any "specialness" of their 2nd birthday. In fact they probably didn't even know it was "their" day.

OP has already accepted SIBU.