My DS turns two soon, he's an only child & we're thrilled to bits with him. His Aunt's birthday is the day before his & this year, his little family tea party will be held that day, as it's a Sunday & the family are available etc. My DH has steamrolled ahead & invited the family round, effectively for a joint birthday celebration & its really pissed me off. I realise this probably harks back to my having to share, somewhat, my birthday growing up, every year with a sibling (we're not twins) & also due to the fact that DH's sister constantly requires his help for various reasons & I've had issues with how much time he's spent away from his own family doing shit for her. I should say, I genuinely like her, its more him than her insisting on doing stuff for her (although she'll ask too) & I think he feels a sense of responsibility for her, however she's made some pretty stupid decisions & has needed alot of support from her family through the years.
Anyway, I know it sounds stupid but AIBU to be pissed off? My own family will be there & I think it's weird having her birthday party with them, despite it being on the day of her actual birthday. More annoyed DH just went ahead & put it out there without asking me. Having re-read this I know it sounds ridiculous yet I'm severely pissed off. Told DH that I would not welcome any more joint celebrations in the future. Am I being unreasonable??
AIBU?
To not want to share DS's birthday 🎂??
Sassypants82 · 09/05/2016 11:09
Thanks all, duly noted. Your right, I shouldn't have organised it for the day of her birthday if I don't like sharing. I didn't think about it. And thanks for making me see it from her point of view, perhaps she's not thrilled to be coming to a 2yo's birthday on her birthday, with his extended family, ie my side, so yeah, I can see how ice come across spoilt, unreasonable & petty. Wasn't my intention, but good to realise it before I made a ridiculous fuss in RL. I suppose I just place alot off (too much?? ) importance on these occasions, but you're all right, it's about celebrating together, that's the important part, so thanks again for the reality check. 
Yab a bit u. Your son will have a ball. I would see it as a double birthday celebration, double birthday cake, two parties, what's not to like.
Do you expect your ds to have very limited (and controlled by his oh) contact with you and his father when he gets older? Based on how you expect your Dh to behave towards his parents/siblings, it seems so. You have a wonderful, caring Dh and your ds is part of a kind extended family, who seem to really love him. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing, your Dh can still be a great Husband and Dad, even if he helps out his sister/family, too.
As it happens I like her alot, but I don't like some of the decisions she's made & how they have affected the extended family. But all things considered, she's a really nice girl who does her best. You haven't been specific, but I get the impression that your sil is a single parent, or maybe she is the "baby" of the family and gets a lot of emotional/financial support from family as a result? She doesn't ask them, but it is a general understanding that her family row in, to help her out? Some families are like that. Don't let it causes arguments with your Dh.
I hope your son and sil both enjoy their birthdays.
My DH has steamrolled ahead & invited the family round, effectively for a joint birthday celebration & its really pissed me off.
What's he making everyone for lunch? 
Or had you already invited your side of the family to the tea party by any chance? In which case you really are being unreasonable. Even if his sister is the neediest PITA in the world, it's still an adults birthday which comes waaay down the ranking to a 2yo's. She won't even get to blow out the candles !
Personally I'd be happy to get it all out of the way on one occasion rather than doing separate celebrations with family who don't / won't get on. In another year or two you'll be hosting birthday parties with a ton of small children and in all likelihood family will be running a mile from the occasion / insisting on a separate "family" event. Choose and set your precedents now
THE OP HAS ACCEPTED SHE IS BEING UNREASONABLE!
FGS - it's not even a very long thread.
OP - good on you :) And also wanted to add that my DS's birthday is the day before his gran's. So now he's older, he gets his own party with his mates AND a big family celebration. He's the only grandchild who gets this. So there are definite upsides 
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