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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd gave away her shopkins

76 replies

Heyjude16 · 09/05/2016 01:52

Just moved schools, dd has made aload of new friends and has settled in wonderfully.

Thing is she took most of her shopkins into school and "swapped them" but has actually gave away about 60!. I would say she had well over a hundred and now only has 30 left. I'm so annoyed! She says she hasn't gave them away as her friends have given her others, but that's not possible. I'm more annoyed for her, but she doesn't seem too bothered 😒.
Aibu to be annoyed? I didn't even realise she had taken all of them in! I thought only a few.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 09/05/2016 16:22

It's Star Monsters here. DD regretted a swap she made. Shit happens.

Dancergirl · 09/05/2016 16:34

Parents (and teachers) for the matter shouldn't be so involved in this sort of thing. A generation ago we all swapped smelly pencils or whatever the craze was. We all survived without so much adult intervention. As long as children understand that once you swap you can't swap back unless both parties agree.

This is just another example of adults interfering in children's play. And the reason that children come crying to parents and teachers about it is because they know they'll do something about it (like post on MN!).

LinghamStyle · 09/05/2016 16:36

DDs school have banned Football Cards. My eldest DD collects Shopkins, our local branch of Claires host Shopkins Swap Parties and I encourage her to do her swapping there rather than at school as the shop assistants help out/supervise the swaps.

Bastardshittits · 09/05/2016 16:38

My DS did similar with Nintendo DS games. Took the cartridges into school - unknown to me- and did some ridiculous swaps. I could have cried.

My DD took a very old 1st edition children's book with sentimental value of mine into school for a book swap day. I forgot to check her book bag before school. She was really pleased when she came home with a Bratz annual and told me what an amazing swap she had done. Luckily I had the swappers phone number and was able to get it back but OMG I cried!!!

TheSolitaryBoojum · 09/05/2016 16:40

I was teaching primary 30 years ago.
t was definitely less 'Mummy solve all your problems' and more 'Live with your decision' most of the time. There were a few exceptions.

AFingerofFudge · 09/05/2016 16:41

My DS (age 7) loves stationery (as do I!) and I have had the rage on a number of occasions where he has taken in something like a super duper rocket pen with 5 different colours (without my knowledge) and returned later in the day with some manky chewed half sized pencil that someone has asked him to swap and he has!!

But I used to do this when I was little. I used to collect football cards and football stickers and I just couldn't say no when someone wanted to swap, even if I didn.t
I remember crying when I ended up with some poxy Clydebank player instead of my prized Emlyn Hughes card

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 09/05/2016 16:54

I think this is why DC are banned from taking stuff into our school.

DD2, Reception, was coming home with jewelry, lipgloss repeatedly smeared on and in her eyes, small toys etc, all "given by friends".

Its all been clamped down on now and everyone is a lot happier/less tense.

I don't agree it is joyless at all - it just takes material objects/gifts out of forming and developing friendships, which I think is a great thing.

Dancergirl · 09/05/2016 16:57

Yes exactly solitaryboo

RhiWrites · 09/05/2016 17:01

I don't know how much you spent on them, never heard of them before, but you can get a lot of 50 for £8 on eBay right now. Presumably they are less good ones but it seems they can be very cheap.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 09/05/2016 17:15

it was less Mummy solve all your problems

It's the dads in our school who seem ready to come to blows about Match Attack cards. The mums are all much more sanguine.

georgetteheyersbonnet · 09/05/2016 17:16

Agree with hisnamewasprince - as far as I remember "swaps" and bringing toys into school more often turned into forms of bullying than it was fun, and that was 30 years ago for me too. Some children don't mind the friendship games that go on around swapping and collecting; others are subject to bullying and pressure that they aren't comfortable with. And 30 years ago I'm sure teachers felt it was "live with your decision" because friendship bullying - the kind where girls in particular can use objects and toys to exclude and pressure peers - was only rarely on the radar of teachers and they didn't much feel it should be. These days there is starting to be more of an awareness that bullying isn't just the stereotypical "boys putting another boy's head down the loo" and can take much more insidious forms, especially when toys or material things are involved. There are plenty of fun games to play without doing swaps!

*NOT saying that the OP's DD is being bullied, of course; just that I think it is a valid concern for parents and schools. Not all kids are happy with swap games.

1horatio · 09/05/2016 17:23

I used to make terrible swaps! (Reeally terrible once...)
But as long as your dd is happy (and didn't give away something genuinely valuable) everything is good, imo :)

TheSolitaryBoojum · 09/05/2016 17:32

Times change, like the warnings that primary football clubs are having to give out to parents about their behaviour, not their children.
I was just trying to explain to Dancer why some schools ban swapping, and that it's not because we are joyless automatons trying to crush the creativity of children under our hobnailed boots.

Squiff85 · 09/05/2016 17:40

avamiah totally disagree! I would be annoyed too, but unsure how you resolve it! Just seen the she is happy/your happy comment - so thats good :)

Draylon · 09/05/2016 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 09/05/2016 18:15

I agree Draylon, but the addition of parents into children's disagreements usually makes things a lot worse.

stressedinsurrey · 09/05/2016 19:20

I'm the same, I don't mind swapping but it annoys me when they give stuff away like they don't appreciate its value. The number of conversations I've had with dd about giving stuff away she's just been given by family (stuff she's asked for!). They work hard to give her presents she likes so she can at least appreciate it for a while!

TheSolitaryBoojum · 09/05/2016 19:23

Then don't let her take things into school that you don't want her to give away.

LyndaNotLinda · 09/05/2016 19:33

I never interfere but I do have to pick up the pieces when a more confident NT child has 'persuaded' DS to part with one of his rarest collectables (be that a star monster or a match attax card).

Children have come to blows in DS's school over match attax

iMogster · 09/05/2016 19:58

My son has started trading Match attax at school for the first time last week. He is a push over (in general) and has already traded a gold card for an ordinary card. I am not bothered as he is really happy to be a part of the group. In fact he has suddenly become obsessed about these cards in a very short space of time. He bought 2 packs with his own pocket money. I hope he will get more savvy and become less of a push over, there is the potential for a positive outcome. speak to me in a few weeks after someone's nicked all his cards and he's crying about it

1horatio · 09/05/2016 20:01

Reading this makes me think that banning swapping is a great idea... Something new to add to our school checklist (and DH and I already have veeery different ideas).

1horatio · 09/05/2016 20:08

I'm sooo happy your dd is happy, seriously! As carzy as it sounds, I still get a bit sad that I never got my friendship book back (I know it's silly, but I was sooo upset about this. And literally everybody had written in it...).
And I it took my mum a long time to get over the fact that I gifted somebody a pretty old silver bracelet.... So seriously, protecting children from stuff like this is good.

(not that I was forced to swap, I just wanted to make people happy and had no idea that people didn't feel the same towards me....)

I have no idea what I'll do when our little one is old enough for school!

1horatio · 09/05/2016 20:08

Sorry for hijacking this thread. But seriously, kudos to everybody that knows how to deal with this stuff. I hope that my DH is better than I am...!!!

Janecc · 09/05/2016 20:28

With DD it's smiggle swaps. For big stuff like pencil cases, it's temporary swaps. Other kids don't seem to look after her stuff as well as she does so they come back damaged or scribbled on. She has to learn though and the only way is by making mistakes and she swapped some of her Christmas presents for some older things. Never mind. She now knows shes not allowed to swap anything more than rubbers and pencils etc.

Dancergirl · 09/05/2016 20:39

There are plenty of fun games to play without doing swaps

Yes there are but this banning culture just seems to be the norm in schools these days. In the last decade or so, either at my dc's school or friends' dc's schools, all sorts of things have been banned - football (!), doing handstands/cartwheels, diabolos, yo-yos, skipping ropes. All have caused problems to some degree. There must be other ways to deal with things rather than an outright ban?

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