To think that leisure activities are an opt out of real life?

[ArriettyMatilda]

For example I spend a lot of time reading and part of that is escapism. I read even when I know I could be tidying up or cleaning (not sure I count that as real life either though). I play with dd a few times a day but wonder if we should be cooking/baking and she should be helping me with keeping the house clean (but of course play is a child's work too). I suppose I just feel like I am just passing time.

I don't have any particular hobbies. I have a few lego sets, but really feel like I should be saving my money for real bricks and mortar. I kind of get sports as at least you are usually spending time with people and it's exercise but I don't make time for this in my life. I also understand knitting/crafting as you are creating something but I'd get too frustrated with that kind of thing. It doesn't help that my partner and I mainly enjoy eating together and don't have any shared hobbies. We only spend an hour or so together each evening and don't seem to do anything in that time. Sundays are the only day we have as a family so we do spend time going for walks, visiting family and watching films usually.

Aibu to think that an adult at play is opting out of real life? Things like colouring books, watching TV, reading fiction, playing video games etc. I am not saying we should not do these things but to me it feels that I am disengaging with real life and I should be spending more time pursuing more fruitful interests.

My Dh sometimes mutters that I waste too much time tossing it off on Mumsnet. He considers it wasted time.

However he happily spends a comparable amount of time watching history documentaries which I would consider a waste of time.

Obviously neither are a waste of time to the person who enjoys it.

OP you sound frustrated with your housing situation, domestic work and mainly being a SAHM to a small DC. Many people would find that challenging/boring/frustrating at times too.

Would you prefer to WoH more? Work towards moving?

I wouldn't have enjoyed being a SaHM when DC were small, for various reasons, one being that I would not want to do the amount of domestic work it entails!

There's no cure for life or death except to enjoy the interval. Can't remember which writer said that.

Holidays, hobbies etc, are all a break from the nitty gritty of life. We need them. Most things when you analyse them are a complete waste of time but we need a break from the things we have to do IMO.

We are working towards moving, but in our area there is very little we can afford. It would mean completely moving areas or for me to do more paid employment. I do enjoy my time at home, I believe dd does benefit from it and I can see that with time I won't be needed by her so much and could work more hours. That would enable us to buy somewhere here. I do feel settled in this town but would like to make home feel more like home.

Duckdeamon I kind of feel that the domestic work would still need to be done even if I was at work, albeit slightly more split between dp and I. At least this way I get to spend more time with dd and more time on things I enjoy. I think I lose sight of that fairly often.

Yes, much of the domestic work would still be there, sadly!

if at any time you decided to return to work for more days , eg for your economic security and longer term earnings/job prospects, there are lots of childcare options that are fine for DC.

You say DP rather than DH: some of us who are married do that, but if you're not married and don't have money/assets of your own then SaH isn't a good idea IMO.

Duckdeamon I'm waiting for her to be at school and possibly to have another baby. I work one day a week and all money goes into a joint account. We share any leftover money into our own personal accounts. Dp does have greater savings than me, mostly all saved before we lived together. If we buy a house we will be joint owners even though he'll have the majority of the deposit (due to his parents and his extra savings). In the mean time we have no money to marry, as we both agree that buying is more important to us now we have a dd. Sahm is the right decision for us, so I can see why you think it is not ideal but I can't see it changing any time soon. I know my earning potential is smaller than his buy if I was a single parent I'd still like to be a sahm until dd goes to school so I'd be no better off.

I'm glad I posted this, it has made me realise how important some leisure activities are to me.

Yes but if you were married and later became a single parent you would be much better off than you will be if you are not married.

In such a scenario there'd be no "us", just you and DC with a bad financial situation and uncertain employment prospects.

Getting married can be done very cheaply, a few hundred pounds.