To ask how i respond to this text?

[Theladyloriana]

I am going through a pretty dreadful split with exh. Unfortunately he is unable to financially contribute to the DC, but does have them eow and over night once a week. This means I pay for pretty much everything else.
He wanted more clothes for our DD aged 1, but doesn't want to buy any. Feeling sorry for him and not wanting my DD to go without while she is there, I packed a large bag full of clean clothes for him to keep all the time, not an overnight bag, which I felt I could spare as it were from her day to day clothes. If it's relevant, he didn't say thank you when he was given it which really upset me. He has started to stop returning shoes and clothes that have gone with them in the weekend bag which I have found pretty annoying as ds had nothing but school shoes for a few days. Exh lives in a large messy house and has their clothes all over the place when I've gone round- I haven't wanted to over step my mark and go around picking them up/ tidying up.
Really don't know how best to approach this as I really cannot afford to buy enough clothes for two homes,which I guess would be the least confrontational way of resolving it. I should also say I left a lot of clothes for them at the house when I left, again so there would be things there for them when they were there.
This is the text I received ten minutes ago

For (dds name) I now have tops, lots of winter tights, one pair of shorts no skirts, no leggings and no socks. When you put a bag of clothes together can you please try and put together complete sets/outfits of clothes.

Have I gone mad? Please do tell me if I'm doing something wrong, being in some way unreasonable, if there's something I've not thought of... or if he is the entitled, gob smacking knob I think he might be?

What a total knob, he has to take responsibility, stop tip toeing around him. Tell him straight. Tgat he has to get clothes for dd for his house, it's his responsibility.

He's taking the piss and obviously just can't be arsed & happy for you to do it all - and why is he 'unfortunately unable to contribute financially' to his children's upkeep?

Ive had a few friends have this issue, they solved by by having a very unglam plain tracksuit as a travel between houses outfit.

It wasmt desirable enough to keep as well as the child knowing it was their comfy travel stuff.

Go round, pick up absolutely everything, wash, give him two outfits per DC, tell him that's it, tough. Train DCs up to pack their shit and bring it back (if they're old enough)

So is the expected norm of separated parents that the dad starts to do all the things the mum did in his home

Umm...yeah. I'm guessing you did all the housework in your home. Cooking, cleaning, putting the children to bed etc. Does he expect you to come round and do all that at his place? Of course it's up to him to look after his children when they are at his house.

What a nob!

This makes me so mad reading this OP. My ex is always moaning about DS's clothes being too small or not appropriate. Neither is true btw. He only had a load of new clothes recently and he's in a men's size small now, all very trendy stuff, mostly from Next and Superdry. Anyway, he's happy to moan and send nasty texts yet he hasn't paid maintenance in 4 years and will not put his hand in his pocket to buy any clothes.

So, in response to your question. I would put something like:

'From what you are saying, you have the basis for some nice outfits. Asda, Sainsbury's and Primark all do some lovely and affordable clothes. If you head off there then you can pick out some stuff that you would like to see DD in that you can keep at your place and add it to the stuff I have already provided you knobhead'

It is hard, I know from experience!! My friends were all very quick to say don't take clothes round but after 6 years of being separated it's still a bit muddled!!!!

Dd turns 9 on Thursday and while it was easy to say that he was to buy clothes while she was little, it didn't matter what she wore - the last few years dd has had a real opinion in what she likes and didn't like.

Although asked, he has never kept a wardrobe at his for dd. I have always packed her an overnight bag and have been peed off many a time at only receiving half the clothes back!!!

6 years on we have an agreement that my dd will take any clothes she wants with her and she must make sure we get them back (unwashed of course!!). She has a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a cardigan and some knickers that stay at his as an 'emergency outfit' but the rest is my clothes. He has never paid CSA but instead has seen dd daily and helps with school runs (an arrangement that works for us). At the beginning of every season, I will spend money on clothes, coats, shoes etc and tell him much it has cost and ask for half. He will more often than not get me all the money. It is because of this that I don't ask for cash for smaller purchases. He will also help out with school uniform and school trips.

We have however a full wardrobe at ours for dsd and pay her mum CSA. 2 different ways to do things. Both work for us.

You have options is what I'm trying to say (in a long winded way!!). When we first split, my exhubby didn't have any money and i would much rather he spent money on days out than on clothes that she would grow out of so quickly and that i already had!!!

I agree on minimal outfits going round and i never (and still don't) send brand new or any 'special' items round there. My ex, like yours, is a slob but I would think nothing of going round picking items up and asking where other bits were - needs must!!!!

The joke is he is with a new partner (has been for 6 years) who is a manager at a well known clothes shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shouldn't really have any excuses should he!!!!!