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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I scraped dh's car today

78 replies

kansasmum · 05/05/2016 21:42

I live in a rural area and take ds to piano lesson in the back of beyond on the moor! Very narrow lanes.
Today I had to drive dh's car as mine is getting a fault fixed. I hate driving dh's car it has shit visibility. Anyway turning left out of VERY narrow lane there was a horse ( moorland pony) on the corner so I was driving slowly to avoid spooking pony. Turned left and didn't see a bloody rock til I hit it. Scraped all the sill on dh's car
Got home told Dh what I'd done and apologised profusely. Explained about trying to not to spook horse etc. The sensors didnt go off either probably rock was too low.

Anyway Dh was understandably annoyed. I said I would organise repair if he wanted.
Anyway after a frosty 30 mins he was ok but now for the past 2 hours he's been really sulky and barely replying. I asked him what was wrong but just got 'nothing'.
I get that he's annoyed. It was an accident I have apologised and said I'll sort the repair but he's just really moody with me.
We can afford to repair it without going through insurance.

Aibu to think he's being childish now by sulking?

OP posts:

Lockheart · 05/05/2016 22:52

He's being a bit of an arse, but then if someone scraped my car I would also be more than a little fucked off, so I guess YANBU to be annoyed, but he is NBU to be annoyed either. That said it's just one of those things and at least it's fixable. But I can't deny I would personally be extremely annoyed - my car is the most valuable thing I own! But you have done everything you can to make it right so I would let him sulk with a clear conscience.

whatdoIget · 05/05/2016 22:53

It's different to shrinking a favourite jumper, which probably won't ever be the same again. A car is repairable and will be exactly the same when the scrape is resprayed.

Kn33 · 05/05/2016 23:08

While pregnant, I was driving OH's car one day and a man reversed into me while I wasn't even moving. Got the mans details and barely any damage anyway.
Had to nip in to drop something off at his work so told him then thinking no big deal. He went ballastic! I was shocked and said its a lump of fucking metal don't be too worried about me and your unborn baby!

Came home head held low and flowers in hand realising he'd been a complete arse wipe after his few hours sulking at work

Hopefully yours will realise he has also been an arse wipe sooner rather than later!

Sanibel09 · 06/05/2016 00:27

Me and hubby just take the piss out of each othet when one of us scrapes the cars.
A few months ago, i reversed into our neighbours car. Neighbour came out, laughed at me and said "it'll be reight" (yorkshire) hubby teased me about it for weeks, until he bashed his a few weeks ago pulling into our driveway. Now its my turn to take the piss out of him!
Its a lump of metal, not the crown jewels. Tell him he's being an arse. At least no one was injured.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 06/05/2016 00:33

He's sulking (bad enough in itself) over a bit of missing paint?

It is such a simple thing to fix, you wont even know there has been a scratch there and tbh, unless its a classic car or his pride and joy why does it matter if there is a scratch?

I've never understood this kind of overreaction about car scratches. Its just missing paint.

Canyouforgiveher · 06/05/2016 01:05

Some people just need a bit more time to get over stuff like that

true. I wouldn't want to be married to one of them though.

Hate sulking.

Can't understand anyone really giving a shit about a car. It is like people being passionate about microwaves.

Hate people getting all uptight about crap that really doesn't matter. and if you have enough money to repair a scratch, then it really doesn't matter.

i wouldn't be impressed myself.

suspiciousofgoldfish · 06/05/2016 01:36

I like how you've set the scene for this tale OP.

It's very 'Daphne du Murier'. Except with Range Rovers.

(DH needs to stop sulking. You obviously did not do this on purpose)

P.s I was hoping you'd somehow actually 'scrapped' his car too.

herecomethepotatoes · 06/05/2016 02:44

Why does he have to instantly get over your carelessness OP?

Can't understand anyone really giving a shit about a car

because they're expensive and I think the way people take care of their belongings says a lot about them.

eeyorestails · 06/05/2016 03:05

I guess as long as you have the money to replace it someone can do something accidentally stupid and ruin a room in the house but the partner isn't allowed to be inwardly pissed for a while, as it was an accident, can be fixed and it's only a bathroom for example

I don't get it anytime someone is upset but not outwardly moaning or complaining they are sulking. People are allowed to get upset for things.if it seems stupid to you, doesn't mean it actually is stupid.

I'd be upset if someone wrecked my car, I got it as part of the scrappage scheme, my nan let me use her old car to help me afford it, and died shortly after so it's like a last gift from her.

Other people get attached for different reasons. And I disagree a sweater is different, you can buy a new sweater generally cheaper than fixing a car.

You can moan about someone throwing away your lunch and other inane things and MN will tell you, you're right to be pissed, but someone damages something that is often one of the most expensive things someone owns and is used daily and expensive to fix then that's fine.

IrishDad79 · 06/05/2016 03:06

My car has been in a few wife-related scrapes. She's twice reversed into my car when I've been parked right behind her in our driveway. My reaction was to say "it's alright, don't worry about it" through gritted teeth but at the same time I was thinking "for fuck sake!"

GiraffesAndButterflies · 06/05/2016 03:26

If he's not normally like that I'd give him a break. He's probably been sat wondering how much it will cost, whether the respray will be noticeable, how long it will take, etc.

I'd say there's a difference between sulking and being rationally annoyed. Sulking implies you are in a bad mood for an amount of time longer than is proportional to the cause. I'd say an evening of feeling pissed off is rational in this case and I wouldn't describe that as sulking.

RaeSkywalker · 06/05/2016 04:12

YANBU- my DH loves his car, but he would want to check that I and unborn DC1 were ok first. Then he'd be straight outside checking the car.

I think he'd be upset if I wasn't apologetic, but it sounds like you were. I would be very upset if I damaged his car.

araiba · 06/05/2016 06:33

yabu

you have caused hundreds or thousands of pounds of damage to his car by your carelessness. i hope you (not "we") will be paying for the damage.

you said he was fine but quiet. why can't you just leave him be for a while? he is being quiet so that he doesn't say or do anything bad but you are goading and provoking him to get a response.

pour him a glass of his favourite drink and leave him be. he will be fine soon

Mouthfulofquiz · 06/05/2016 06:40

It's just a bloody car!! He's being a prat.

araiba · 06/05/2016 06:44

a car is usually a persons second most expensive purchase in their life (after a house)

I don't think its unreasonable to be upset when someone doesn't take care of it and damages it

Pseudo341 · 06/05/2016 07:03

I reversed into my DH's car pulling off the drive once. Rushed into tell him and he gave me a big cuddle and asked if I was okay. Your husband is being a knob.

CocktailQueen · 06/05/2016 07:10

God, I wouldn't like to be on the road with some of you lot - reversing into cars on your own driveway, 'kissing' the garage door ... Haven't you passed your driving test?!

I'm not surprised your h is upset about his car, as it's the second most expensive thing you buy after your house, for many people, and a lot of people like to look after their belongings. I'd be cross if dh scraped my car.

But he shouldn't be sulking. Hope he's ok today.

AugustaFinkNottle · 06/05/2016 07:11

I think the way people take care of their belongings says a lot about them.

Mostly it says how anal and focused on trivia they are.

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 06/05/2016 07:23

He's not being childish, most children wouldn't sulk like that for so long.
He's being a dick.

Original poster

kansasmum · 06/05/2016 07:25

Arabia I wasn't careless. I was driving slowly to avoid spooking a horse. I didn't even know the Rock was there until I hit it. It was low down on the passenger side.
Careless would have been not slowing down and spooking the horse causing it to possibly hit my car which would gave been far more damaging to the horse and the car. It was an accident.

Dh is ok now so I'm going to leave it. Oh and we don't have ' his and hers' money we are a family so it's in one pot which the repair money will come from.

OP posts:

Misselthwaite · 06/05/2016 07:34

Well in this scenario I'd be a bit cross about it all. Past experience and I know it would cost £500 at least which I'd much rather spend on nice things and certainly isn't a trivial amount. I'd be cross with myself if I'd been the one to do it so its not something I would just 'get over' immediately.

So basically at what point is someone allowed to be upset and quiet over stuff? Who gets to decide?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 06/05/2016 07:36

DW graunched the rear wing a while back. She rang up and told me, so in the intervening 40 minutes I got the swearing and sulking out of the way. It's just a car.

It's OK to swear and sulk within reason; who would want a relationship where either party couldn't express their feelings? The rough limit in our house is the next sunrise. After that, it's Relate.

araiba · 06/05/2016 07:57

explain to me how hitting an inanimate object is "taking care"

you were more concerned about the horse and not taking care about the rest of your surroundings- that's why you crashed in to a rock

pictish · 06/05/2016 08:04

Araiba with the best of intentions, do shut up.

OP it's ok, these things happen. Your dh is daft to keep up a bad mood over it.

AnyFucker · 06/05/2016 09:45

Arabia

Yes...and ? Organic objects take precedence over inorganic ones. Would you put missing a rock over missing a child ?

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