WIBU to just give up?

[owl89]

I had an awful start to breast feeding. Baby wouldn’t latch so hospital midwife gave me formula. I was devastated. I had my heart set on breastfeeding. After numerous visits from breast feeding support and health visitor my DS still would not latch and would scream if placed near my breast. Breast feeding support lady lent me a pump to express to try and “reverse the damage” I had done giving him formula. Her words. So now my DS is 4 weeks and he has mostly expressed breast milk with one bottle of formula a day. However, it’s killing me. I’m constantly crying, feel like I’m permanently attached to pump and missing time with my DS which could be spent cuddling , going for walks or actually finding time to feed myself.

So, would I be unreasonable to just give up or shall I keep on trying? Please be kind, I am already giving myself a hard time.

Lip yie and posterior tongue tie are usually seen together. Getting tongue tie sorted is notoriously difficult on the NHS - posterior tongue tie is practically scoffed at. No wonder you are struggling to feed the baby.

My youngest had posterior TT and we had to pay privately to get it snipped. Sadly it still wasn't the panacea I had hoped for and I stubbornly expressed and topped up day and night for weeks. Did I mention I'm stubborn?! I also went practically mad at the effort and have decided that if I ever have another child with tongue tie he/she will be fed formula. Breastfeeding is a huge thing for me; it's a fundamental way I parent my babies. But even with the strongest will in the world, previous experience of breastfeeding, good advice and a fab support network, it was still the hardest thing I've done in my entire life. The stress I was under was back breaking.

You are not giving up. You are feeding your baby. That's all that matters.

Thank you, I am going to take DS to GP to be checked

Owl89. I feel your pain! You are most definitely not being unreasonable. My DD was born 8 weeks early by emergency C-section. She was tube fed to begin with (as her sucking reflex wasn't developed). I tried desperately to express but my milk never came in so she was formula fed (by tube) from the word go. I have never forgotten (an otherwise very good consultant) telling me when she wasn't putting on as much weight as they wanted, that 'Sometimes premature babies just don't do as well on formula'. After 2 weeks of trying to express every 3 hours to no avail, and with the stress of a prem baby, it just about finished me off!! Five years later it doesn't seem to have done her any harm at all. All we can do is try and sometimes enough is enough....

Good luck with the GP, hope they can help. YANBU to give up though. DD was fed exclusively with pumped breastmilk until 7 weeks. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I should have stopped but was too tired and determined. I finally stopped after the 3rd bout of mastitis but wish I had given up earlier and claimed back some of that time. DD is 7yo now, super healthy and very close to me.

Look after yourself and enjoy your gorgeous baby

You've given your baby a wonderful start in life, huge congratulations. This is making you utterly miserable so I would recommend you consider stopping gradually and start enjoying motherhood a little more. There are no prizes or awards for all this. Breastfeeding can be a beautiful thing but it can also cause terrible misery to those who are pressured by society into thinking they have failed.

You've just created a human being...that's an amazing and wonderful achievement which you deserve to enjoy completely guilt free. We are lucky enough to have safe and excellent alternative methods of feeding.

Yanbu - my son refused to latch on and I pumped for about six miserable weeks. He was also a very poor sleeper and instead of sleeping when he did to get some rest, I would be bloody pumping away. I was broken. I went to every breastfeeding support group I could with no success. I got sneered at by a mum who refused to believe my problems and told me I just wasn't trying hard enough and then said disdainfully "what would have happened in the bush? He would have breastfed of course." (Except not as we would have both died in labour)

I was so unhappy and exhausted. My friend finally stepped in and helped me switch to formula. I beat myself up for months. But he thrived, slept better and I started to feel normal again.

My other child latched on immediately and I EBF for 8 months. So it wasn't me after all. It makes me so angry that I wasted really special bonding time with my son because I was so utterly utterly miserable.