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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what the hell I did?

71 replies

inlovewithhubby · 05/05/2016 14:24

Bit of back story. I took vol redundancy after going back with both girls. It was by choice but I had returned after my second to find my job given to a bloke so it was a bit of a push too. Took ages to 'grieve' my working life, and I was quite lonely just with my two under two so tried to break into mum groups. Toddler group in next village was quite cliquey, but I volunteered, helped with toy cleans, helped organise fundraisers etc, and was welcomed by some. It was bloody hard work though. Ended up starting a toddler group closer to home instead which is much friendlier and more welcoming.

One woman at that group was always sour faced with me. She had also given up work recently so I presumed she was dealing with her own shit or busy with her kids or just not particularly sociable, though she was very sociable within her small clique. I see her regularly in passing on school runs but it's in a group and often acknowledge group as a whole or chat to another mum. Saw this girl just now when with my youngest near shops and said hi - and she literally just blanked me. There is no question she saw me as we made eye contact and she then made a sour face and walked on. I may have laughed off but my daughter said 'why didn't she say hello mummy?' and I had no answer! I'm pretty thick skinned and know I won't be friends with everyone but I'd never be impolite and this feels awfully playground. On period so perhaps a bit emosh and overthinking it, but aibu to think I don't deserve such bloody unprovoked rudeness?

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/05/2016 15:10

aww Playduh

I love your honesty, really

Playduh · 05/05/2016 15:12

Well this is it, what comes across as rude to the OP is actually just a complete lack of confidence for others.

If it makes you feel better, just feel sorry for her!

Euripidesralph · 05/05/2016 15:12

Ahh op I feel you....its random when that happens ....One particular woman took issue with me and blanked me e peat edgy after a sigla conversation at playgroup that went

Me "oh I think we've met before haven't we?"
Friend who had just introduced us
"Oh possibly (horrible womab) manages (business in local town that lots of people go to)"
Me "oh that's right nice to meet yoy"
Horrible woman "(death glare and turns on heel)"

Then repeated blanking if I saw her anywhere

No idea but op I'm assuming as I did in my situation that either she has some issues with other people and feels uncomfortable or is simply a crotchety hag who has taken random offence

Either way ignore her and I would stop bothering

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 05/05/2016 15:13

some people are fuckinhg arsehole cunts

Clearly. And then they wonder why people don't respond when they say hello. It's probably that your cuntishness is showing.

NoBetterName · 05/05/2016 15:15

My ex-h was completely deaf in one ear. For the first year I knew him, I didn't realise and thought he was just being stand-offish and rude. He wasn't, he often didn't hear comments made on his deaf side, but was reluctant to admit this to people he didn't know well.

readytorage · 05/05/2016 15:17

gobby need some lessons in basic etiquette? You must fall into the bracket of the woman the OP is describing and probably not really worth knowing anyway...

margewiththebluehair · 05/05/2016 15:23

This has happened to me quite a few times.

Some are just a** holes. Once or twice you can forgive someone - but a third time - oh dear, my claws come out.

When they are a**holes, I completely get into their face to annoy them with a really cheery 'hi name how are you, you looked so miserable the last time I saw you. Are you alright?' - I always do it loudly for all the other mothers to hear.

I once bought a really crappy mother a box of chocolates and said "you always look so miserable when I see you - you look like you needed these - sorry it isn't Valium".

MyLocal · 05/05/2016 15:30

It doesn't take anything to say "hello" back to someone that has spoken to your first, even if you have taken an irrational dislike to them for no reason.

gobbynorthernbird · 05/05/2016 15:39

IMO, talking to somebody who doesn't like you and doesn't want to talk to you is rude. I wouldn't try to force pleasantries on a person who obviously hadn't taken to me. But then, I'm mature/secure enough to be fine with people disliking me.

Queenie73 · 05/05/2016 15:45

I'm pretty sure there are some people who think I do this all the time, when the truth is that I almost never recognise anyone. If there is anything even slightly different (new haircut, hat covering distinctive ears etc) about them then I won't know who someone is, even if I really should.

I tend to get round it most of the time by smiling at everyone and saying hello even if I haven't the foggiest idea who they are, but never, ever saying a name because it's guaranteed to be the wrong one! If MrQ is with me, he helps out by saying hello and the person's name straight away.

Of course, she may well just not like you. It isn't compulsory, but she's still a bit of a tit IMO.

PrivatePike · 05/05/2016 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenie73 · 05/05/2016 15:48

I forgot to say, I'm also short sighted, so it's fairly common for me not to see well enough to make out faces. I have glasses but I can't wear them unless I'm sitting down (just can't, don't know why but it makes me feel really odd).

PrivatePike · 05/05/2016 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 05/05/2016 15:49

Blimey - I'm usually a bit Hmm at the Manners brigade (who tend to insist that whatever they do is good manors and other people must do the same even if it is actually daft/ benefits nobody and inconveniences some)...

But everybody and their toddler knows that if somebody greets you with a standard one or two word acknowledgement of your existence you return the greeting.

Even if you don't like them.

Even if you very explicitly do not want to be their friend.

Even if you don't know them.

Even if they smell of cheese.

The only exception being if they have done something truly unspeakable to you for which they should be serving a jail term.

"Hello" does not mean "Darling bestie I am so happy to see you" or "Do you want to be my fwend?" or even "I greet you and acknowledge you as a person whom I do not dislike"

Hello mean "I acknowledge your existence as a fellow human being who happens to be in the same physical location as me at the moment - not to acknowledge that you are here and exist would be more awkward than saying Hello".

Therefore returning a basic greeting/ acknowledgement is basic manners in the true sense - it oils the social wheels and costs precisely nothing to do and creates all sorts of silly feud situations if you don't.

LordoftheTits · 05/05/2016 15:51

Jesus, Gobby, aren't you a delight? I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality here. It's now rude to talk to someone who doesn't want to be your friend??

OP didn't invite her to a sleepover so they could eat ice cream and talk about boys, she said hello in passing! Fucking terrible manners to blank someone in that situation.

PrivatePike · 05/05/2016 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 05/05/2016 15:55

Queenie73 I'm like that with glasses - I used to not recognise people when I walked back from swimming club at uni because I didn't wear my contact lenses to swim and for some reason best known to my long ago 19 year old self didn't take them to put on afterwards, but if you can't recognise faces you probably need to be wearing lenses or glasses when out of the house for your own safety!

On the other hand surely we all say "Hello" to strangers we are in contact with as we go about our business all day long - or does everyone else live their lives permanently travelling on the rush hour tube in London? Recognising the speaker isn't in any way at all a pre-requisite of returning a simple one word greeting! Confused

howabout · 05/05/2016 16:00

It's not you. I have this with a woman at DD's nursery. It makes me laugh when her own DD goes chasing up the road trying to be best buddies with my DD. My DD usually cba to be friendly with anyone because she is away in Octonaut land Grin

FlaviaAnsell · 05/05/2016 16:01

I once bought a really crappy mother a box of chocolates and said "you always look so miserable when I see you - you look like you needed these - sorry it isn't Valium".

I once encountered someone like you, who quite rudely accused me of looking miserable in front of a whole lot of other people. We'd had a family bereavement and I was on my way to buy something to wear to the funeral. So well done that person, who made me feel even worse than I already did. As pp have said, it's not always about you.

gobbynorthernbird · 05/05/2016 16:01

Lord, except this is more of an active dislike than just not wanting to be mates.

MassiveStrumpet · 05/05/2016 16:11

When did the op ever push herself on the other woman? Why should she have known that this woman didn't want to be spoken to?

It takes a deliberate effort to eyeball someone, pull a face, and ignore a greeting. The sort of effort reserved for people who have hurt us or something.

Having no reason to believe that the op has done something awful, I would say she is a miserable cunt.

BastardGoDarkly · 05/05/2016 16:25

Jesus Christ!?

Op, as you can see, demonstrated beautifully above, some people are just wankers!

You'll know next time Wink

SpeckledFrog2014 · 05/05/2016 16:35

Coming at it from the other side, I still say hello to people I have no intention of being friends with if I bump into them at playgroup or out and about. My conversation is short and answers closed with no further questions, after all I don't want to be seen as a weirdo for not just saying hello back. The people I dislike I refer to the I-hate-motherhood brigade (I'm a sahm out of choice) and sometimes they happen to pop up at cafes when we're out with friends as in playgroups of villages you tend to have mutual friends.

wasonthelist · 05/05/2016 16:36

Op there are some selfish, rude and ill-mannered people about as this thread has made clear. I don't think you've done anything to cause this, you've just encountered one of these "why should I" types who sees no reason for basic courtesy or decency, like evah.

pippishortstockings · 05/05/2016 16:40

Can't believe some of the responses. Returning a greeting from someone you recognise is basic civility. It is very rude to pull a sour face unless there is a history of something really awful having happened between you.

Replying to "Hello" does not equate with wanting to be friends and it isn't needy to feel slightly upset if someone treats you like this.
YANBU and there are some ignorant wankers on here.
Anyway why would someone not want to be friendly for no particular reason-more about them than you.