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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be getting annoyed with this mum

73 replies

mummatucker · 04/05/2016 12:30

A fellow mother in our small town has been getting on my nerves recently and has done again today, I'm supposed to be seeing her again in a group tomorrow but I feel like I just want to steer clear. We both go to some of the same activities so it's tricky. Babies are 10 months.

A few weeks ago she came round with some other mums and babies to play at our house, I was making tea but I heard her tell DS not to touch her DD and came back into the room just in time to see her sort of tap his hand - to tell him off. Apparently he's touched her baby's face. This has since really pissed me off to be honest. Since then there's been a couple of times where she's admonished DS, it annoys me but I don't know what to say. She's commented that my son is 'a little bruiser' or if he's cried when another baby has taken what he's playing with (as babies do) that they're 'crocodile tears'. Today after swimming, her DD was trying to pull herself up on DS as I was trying to dry his hair, I said 'oh careful' in a very mild tone and she said 'oh (DD's name) go on, he can take it!'

Ive come home and this has really, really annoyed me. What can I say to stop this happening? I hate this idea some mums subscribe to that baby boys are rough and girls should be treated like princesses.

OP posts:
TheFuckersBitingMe · 13/05/2016 19:17

Reply that you witnessed her tap your son's hand and that you're absolutely not prepared to tolerate that shit.

Or, if you're feeling generous, that you're a little unhappy with how she's behaved towards your son.

If you don't tell people what they've done wrong, how will they ever learn? She might be really nice underneath (I doubt it, since she thinks tapping someone else's child's hand is ok, but I could be wrong) and by telling her you're giving her a chance to stop being such an assgasket.

BoopTheSnoot · 13/05/2016 19:20

If anyone laid their hands on my child they would regret it. Forget about offending her, get her told!

SquinkiesRule · 13/05/2016 19:22

Text back YES and then go silent, she'll get all paranoid waiting for more.

ScrambledSmegs · 13/05/2016 19:25
  1. "I don't know what you mean. Are you ok?"

Or

  1. "You hit my son you caaaaaaah and I'm calling the rozzers on you"

No. 2 could be fun but I really wouldn't recommend it.

Eminado · 13/05/2016 19:26

if I didn't have a baby she isn't someone I would prob come into contact with at all.

^^
Summarises the problem with babg groups/mum meet ups/et al entirely.

cees · 13/05/2016 19:27

I'd go with ' you are very critical of my son and I do not want him exposed to your negative comments and hand tapping which was out of line'

ScrambledSmegs · 13/05/2016 19:27

And yes, I do mean "Are you ok?" in the MN manner.

Eminado · 13/05/2016 19:29

Tell her how you really feel Cees Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 13/05/2016 19:30

IMO, she's picked you to be 'superior to'. I knew someone like this. She'd single out one mum and treat them just like she's treating you. Wondering if you're 'OK' , if your life is 'getting better' . It's just a way to help her feel better about her own life (which probably sucks). Same thing with the children, having to criticize or correct another person's child to make her feel better about her own mothering skills. It's why she texted you, she doesn't want to lose her 'object', iyswim.

Don't play into her game. Either don't respond to the text or answer simply as MakeItRain suggests. Then continue to avoid her.

Original poster
mummatucker · 13/05/2016 19:30

Thanks for the suggestions. I really don't a) want to get into a text conversation about it and b) ring her up

I think she knows what I'm upset about

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 13/05/2016 19:31

I'd be tempted to tell her the truith, but agree with others she's just trying to draw you in to her drama. If you do text back then do update!!!

dylsmimi · 13/05/2016 19:36

I would be tempted to text back to say something along the lines of 'from your recent comments and behaviour about my child I thought you would appreciate a bit of djstance from each other'

BMW6 · 13/05/2016 19:37

I'd reply "You know how it is - sometimes you just don't take to someone. "

IAmNotAMindReader · 13/05/2016 19:37

Don't text her back. She needs the drama like oxygen. She knows exactly what shes doing and wants to try to make out you are being over sensitive now so she has another stick to beat you with. Stick to radio silence and watch her turn purple because you've removed her drama fuel.

GeoffreysGoat · 13/05/2016 19:43

"Bit busy at the moment. Might see you at X" implies she's not important enough for you to make time for

littlemonkey5 · 13/05/2016 19:47

One of the reasons I don't go to baby groups.......

I am one of those multi-mums who sees a child crying with or without an adult present and try to calm them/cheer them up. I am also a zero tolerance to one child hurting (or almost hurting) another child. I don't care if it is my child they are hurting or a random child, I will deal with it appropriately and more importantly, immediately! I will never touch someone else's child if not necessary, if we need to find mummy/daddy/nanna/granddad etc, I will let them walk and guide them. It is never acceptable to strike another person's child, even if it is a 'tap'. If the thing the child was doing was dangerous and the child was unattended, I would sternly tell them not to do it (usually this stuns them if they are not used to a stranger doing it and they stop) and then I find their adult and let them know the child was in danger. I've never had a child in that much danger and TBH I hope I never have to deal with that situation. If I've had to have a short word, the parents are normally fine with the way I've stepped in to prevent something worse happening. For example, a child was climbing over the barrier at soft play and almost landed on DD2's head (she is 14mths), I told him that wasn't safe and not to do it please. He did it again and his foot caught DD's head. I then lowered my voice slightly and told him again not to climb the barrier and he should go play elsewhere. He had wide eyes and ran off to play. He gave us a wide berth after that. I think he was 6ish. My 3yr old came up and said 'that was not nice of that little boy was it mummy, he could have hurt DD2" - see, even my 3yr old knows......

If this person isn't a friend, I would just stop contact, I certainly would not have them round to your house. I would never like anyone striking my child, no matter how soft it was. What she sounds like she is doing is mentally manipulating the children and I don't like the direction she is steering her daughter in. When she grows up, she might end up being a very sneaky bully backed by her mother. I don't like wimpy children but I hate bullies twice as much!!

Oh, and someone tell DD2 that girls are meant to be 'Princesses' because she missed that memo and tumbles like her brothers all the time!! lol.

TheDowagerCuntess · 13/05/2016 19:48

^^ Perfect.

And wait a few hours before replying.

TheDowagerCuntess · 13/05/2016 19:49

That's was to Jeoffreys.

Boomingmarvellous · 13/05/2016 20:00

Horrible, horrible stereotyping! 'Little bruiser' wtf!

I'd really be inclined to distance myself from her.

ApocalypseNowt · 13/05/2016 20:08

Text back with "Sorry, who is this?"

Then when she says "crazy lady" or whatever her name is say "Oh right, sorry, phone's playing up, see you at music class next week!".

OR record a really loud raspberry and send it to her as a voice note

StrictlyMumDancing · 13/05/2016 20:11

I think geoffreys has the best approach

Iknownuffink · 13/05/2016 20:22

Ignore her text .
Don't give her a second thought over the weekend, she's playing mind games.

Griphook · 13/05/2016 20:22

As a mum if 2 boys, Its often seen as the consolation prize. Dismiss her text and next time she says something to you, look her in the eye and say to her 'you don't really like boys much do you? Ha ha you never know you'll probably have twin boys next time. In a really really friendly tone!

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