Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be getting annoyed with this mum

73 replies

mummatucker · 04/05/2016 12:30

A fellow mother in our small town has been getting on my nerves recently and has done again today, I'm supposed to be seeing her again in a group tomorrow but I feel like I just want to steer clear. We both go to some of the same activities so it's tricky. Babies are 10 months.

A few weeks ago she came round with some other mums and babies to play at our house, I was making tea but I heard her tell DS not to touch her DD and came back into the room just in time to see her sort of tap his hand - to tell him off. Apparently he's touched her baby's face. This has since really pissed me off to be honest. Since then there's been a couple of times where she's admonished DS, it annoys me but I don't know what to say. She's commented that my son is 'a little bruiser' or if he's cried when another baby has taken what he's playing with (as babies do) that they're 'crocodile tears'. Today after swimming, her DD was trying to pull herself up on DS as I was trying to dry his hair, I said 'oh careful' in a very mild tone and she said 'oh (DD's name) go on, he can take it!'

Ive come home and this has really, really annoyed me. What can I say to stop this happening? I hate this idea some mums subscribe to that baby boys are rough and girls should be treated like princesses.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 04/05/2016 15:41

This woman is an undermining, malicious prick. Stop seeing her! Your son will be affected by her nastiness. And it's upsetting you. Stop doing it to yourself!

brassbrass · 04/05/2016 15:45

interesting responses here about sexist attitudes

I've read comments on mumsnet before along the lines of - boys need to be run like dogs to tire them out

my boys never did Hmm they were never rough or wild but they are still very much boys

scampimom · 04/05/2016 15:48

"You look really fed up"

"I am, yes. There's this annoying dickhead that keeps ascribing adult behaviour motivations to a baby, and insulting me and my family."

scampimom · 04/05/2016 15:50

My DD (age 3) is a bruiser. Not nasty, just over-excited, boisterous and oblivious to danger. Sometimes I wish she was a nice, quiet, placid child like my friend's DS who sits happily for ages with pans and spoons.

brassbrass · 04/05/2016 15:51

yes ditch her she sounds like a prize twat

PattiLevin · 04/05/2016 15:52

And I thought I was an arsehole when my FB was a baby. Maybe she'll turn back into a normal person when her dc grows up a bit. I did. I think. >Hmm

Imchangingmyname · 04/05/2016 15:57

She sounds ignorant and pfb. Sounds like you are only friends because you have babies the same age. Distance yourself and just invite the normal ones others round. You don't owe her anything.

NickiFury · 04/05/2016 16:13

How you've not said "don't be so fucking stupid!" to this woman yet I do not know.

She's sounds stupid and narrow minded to be honest and no one needs to be around that.

PaddywackHolland · 04/05/2016 16:13

These sort of people are so frustrating, as they are so smug, self-satisfied, self-centred and stupid, that if you were to try taking them down a peg or two with subtlety and wit, they simply wouldn't notice. Tapping on the back of the hand can be surprisingly painful. Poor babies, yours for being the treated like that, hers for having a cunt of a mother. Yes, that's it! Just shout at her 'CUNT!' that's probably the only way she'll get the message. Best wishes x

ollieplimsoles · 04/05/2016 16:19

Shit this mum sounds like a lunatic, drop her sharpish!

I was really hurt recently when my cousin and her friend were at a family gathering I took dd to, friend said my DD looked like a 'bruiser' in her little party dress.

PattiLevin · 04/05/2016 16:20

Paddy you made me lol. DONT shout cunt at her OP! Grin
Say 'see you next Tuesday A-hole.'
That's much better.

squizita · 04/05/2016 16:27

*I've read comments on mumsnet before along the lines of - boys need to be run like dogs to tire them out

my boys never did hmm they were never rough or wild but they are still very much boys*

Interestingly a friend commented on my girl with surprise as she is a right little duracel bunny and loves anything rough, loud and not health and safety compared to her son.
I didn't think it was surprising until I realised she looks like a little Victorian waif girl (my toddler not my friend) and I'm quite matchy-matchy (though not that pink) when I dress her so people might not expect her to act as she does.
She also eats like Henry the 8th (grab the whole thing, chomp, wipe face theatrically with sleeve). Grin

Someone else emailed me a problem child behaviour expert, I kid you not, because she's too rough for a little girl. I thought that was effing hilarious. She's not yet 2!

brassbrass · 04/05/2016 16:36

squizita are you still friends with the person that emailed you?!

Original poster
mummatucker · 04/05/2016 18:37

Thanks all I feel much better and the rage has subsided. As I say, we go to a lot of the same places and you've provided some strategies for dealing with her. Being totally honest, my son is an into everything, likes to climb etc type of baby, he doesn't just sit. but I'm very very careful to make sure he never hurts other babies. I just feel like I'm on the back foot for having a boy in the first place Shock

OP posts:
squizita · 05/05/2016 09:24

I don't want to out myself with too much detail - they're still in my social (friends and family) circle but I zone out any advice etc now, smile and nod etc they aren't super parents IMO and concerns have been raised to them by their own family but I would never say such a thing to anyone's face.

Blossom591 · 05/05/2016 11:38

Awwww no you're not on the back foot boys are amazing, fun & affectionate !
I had a boy then girl and felt like you did in between. I don't know if it's a stereotype but dd was definitely more 'delicate' as a baby & toddler, it really annoys me though that people assume boys are rough & bad and out to hurt their daughters Angry

blueturtle6 · 05/05/2016 13:24

Ignore, I was told today my 6mo dd, was to boisterous for friends 12 mo ds....

Original poster
mummatucker · 13/05/2016 18:45

Sorry to return to a thread.

Have been keeping my distance from this mum, seen her at a couple of things and been friendly. She's just text me to ask if she's done something to upset me. What should I say?

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 13/05/2016 18:56

You either phone her and tell her the truth, gently and factually, or you text back and pretend nothing is wrong and leave her doubting her own sanity. Whatever you do though don't try to explain the problem by text.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 13/05/2016 19:01

I'm a wimp so would take the text back route. I'd be honest and tell her that tapping my child's hand was out of order and you don't appreciate her telling your child off and making comments about the fact he is a boy/boisterous/not a delicate princess, so you have decided to keep a distance.

Capricorn76 · 13/05/2016 19:05

This woman is purposely trying to make you feel bad about yourself. She's putting down your son and you and now she's trying to cause drama about her 'upsetting you'. She's only saying that anyway because she's realised she's pushed you too far and is worried her victim may drop her.

Leave it a few hours so that you don't look fussed and say something along the lines of 'what are you on about you nutter? lol!!' This will force her to tell you what she thinks she may have done and will validate why you need to cut her her loose. But you really do need to cut her loose otherwise she'll start undrmining your confidence more by competing with you over your children's achievements and development. I've seen this type of woman in action before, you're better off out of it. It's great that she's shown her cards early.

Berthatydfil · 13/05/2016 19:11

Just text back to say " I'm not sure what you're on about ?"

MakeItRain · 13/05/2016 19:15

Leave it a while then send her a breezy "No, not at all. Hope you're ok." It's polite, and very vaguely hints that she's the one with the problem. And leave it at that. Don't engage in her funny game. Just stay polite.

TheDowagerCuntess · 13/05/2016 19:16

How bizarre - not.

Nobody would think a short period of inaction would be down to 'something they'd done' unless they knew full well they'd done something.

Capricorn is right about not replying immediately.

I would just text back something really simple / straightforward like, 'hi, what do you mean?' Let ber say what she thinks is going on.

But then I really wouldn't get into a text exchange. And I would absolutely keep avoiding her.

LucieLucie · 13/05/2016 19:16

She's playing with your head op.

She's very aware of the effect she is having on you and is loving seeing you react.
No reply would be the best reply tbh.

If she mentions it next time you see her just glaze over and be distracted by something else in the room and leave her standing there.

The world is full of nutters.

She is most definitely one of them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread