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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overreacting to DH

46 replies

DSHousewife01 · 04/05/2016 09:04

Hi, first time AIBU!

DH does his exercise the same time most days. I got home just before him and turned the radio on as he always listens to it whilst working out.

DH comes in and asks why is the radio on?

My exact reply was "I set it up for you as I know you listen to it when you exercise"

His response was to tell me to stop being moody.

I was slightly taken back by his response and so replied "what are you talking about, I'm not being moody, I just did something nice for you!" My tone of voice was admittedly agitated when saying this.

His response was "see, you are being moody"

This escalated into an argument where I raised my voice and was incredibly angry, I basically told him I was in a fine mood but now I am being moody because of what he has started.

DH called me a psycho and told me he shouldn't have to live with this.

I apologised for the extent of my anger but maintained I had a right to be annoyed.

He is insistent he has done nothing wrong.
That my tone of voice on my initial reply was moody (where I told him I had set up his music for him) and that telling me to stop being moody was not telling me off or telling me what to do, but just talking.

Was I BU to be angry at him telling me to stop being moody when I wasnt, and to still be annoyed the day after that he feels he has done nothing wrong?

OP posts:
ArmySal · 04/05/2016 09:07

Aahh, you sound just like my 12 year old twin cousins.

HermioneJeanGranger · 04/05/2016 09:09

It sounds like a ridiculous overreaction from your DH, actually. He called you a psycho because you put the radio on? Hmm

Penfold007 · 04/05/2016 09:10

Did you inadvertently upset his routine? He comes in, changes, radio on, exercise and so on.
It's no excuse for his horrible behaviour , he's being unreasonable.

acasualobserver · 04/05/2016 09:11

I don't get why your DH thought you were being moody in the first place.

Original poster
DSHousewife01 · 04/05/2016 09:14

Thats what made me so angry, I genuinely was in a good mood. I even argued the point of how could my reply be possibly taken as a moody response

OP posts:
gamerchick · 04/05/2016 09:15

He was either spoiling for a fight or didn't like you meddling in his routine.

He was an arse and then you were an arse back and tbf I probably would have been as well if he went on like that.

MLGs · 04/05/2016 09:15

Sounds like he was being ridiculous and spoiling for a fight. Is this part of a pattern of trying to mess with you or a one off?

HermioneJeanGranger · 04/05/2016 09:16

He sounds ridiculously petulant, tbh. How dare you turn the radio on in your own home!

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/05/2016 09:19

He wanted a fight. Does he do that often?

Thefitfatty · 04/05/2016 09:19

Are you married to my DH?

He always calls me 'moody' when I'm not 'moody.' I want to toss him out a window when he does it.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 04/05/2016 09:25

Do and I have been known to have similar arguments. They never seem to happen when I'm actually in a mood though - bizarre. My only advice is to drop it and move on.

LittleLionMansMummy · 04/05/2016 09:25

Unless there's some kind of back story and he often picks fights, I'd be inclined to put it down to a misunderstanding. Dh and I have occasionally misunderstood each other's tone of voice, bickered and then accepted it as a misunderstanding and offered mutual apologies. On the face of it, it seems like this has escalated as these situations sometimes do.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 04/05/2016 09:25

*Dh

Blossom591 · 04/05/2016 09:27

Sorry op but I lol at that. Just kiss & make up

molyholy · 04/05/2016 09:29

Sounds like he wanted an arguement with you. If it wasn't the radio, it would have been something else.

PPie10 · 04/05/2016 09:32

Yanbu, sounds like he set up a fight with you. I can't see you did anything wrong except being thoughtful Confusedwhat's moody about that.

HolgerDanske · 04/05/2016 09:42

I hate being accused of being in a mood when I'm not. It's the one thing guaranteed to really make me livid.

I think he did it on purpose because he knew it would get a rise out of you.

OnlyLovers · 04/05/2016 09:55

He was setting up a fight.
Why did he feel the need to ask why you put the radio on? Do you have to justify/give him advance veto on everything you do at home?

You're not overreacting, no.

BoatyMcBoat · 04/05/2016 09:56

There's little worse than being accused of being moddy when you're really not. It's guaranteed to get you into a bad mood and then the accuser can stand back and say "see! I was right".

Don't let him do that to you again. If he accuses you of something which isn't true try to respond with something light, like "silly person!" with a big smile. Then get out the way because he'll carry on trying.

He wanted a fight and was happy to fight dirty. Just take the opportunity away before it gets anywhere.

WalkingBlind · 04/05/2016 10:45

I agree with Boaty, be nice in response (you have to force this and suppress the desire to kick them in the nuts) because then he's been utterly proved wrong and he won't be able to bear it

ijustwannadance · 04/05/2016 10:54

Why would he even ask why the radio was on? Confused

He wanted a fight. Either he had a bad day at work and took it out on you as a one off, or, if it happens regularly your relationship may be in trouble.

MangoBiscuit · 04/05/2016 10:57

My DH does this sometimes, but never to this extent. If he called me a psycho for getting annoyed because he was actively being nob, we'd have problems!

I get a "what's wrong? why are you grumpy?" There is no way I can say "No I'm not" without it sounding defensive, and him feeling I've proved his point. A "did I seem grumpy? Sorry! I don't feel grumpy" leads to him saying sorry for accusing, and all being well. Alternatively I tell him "I'm not grumpy yet, but try asking again! Grin "

I'd be tempted to unplug the radio from the wall / untune it etc, but I can be a right petty cow!

Janecc · 04/05/2016 11:33

He was probably spoiling for a fight, didn't want to be in a bad mood and infected you instead so you could feel his mood for him, get cross and then he could feel better by telling you that you are bu and call you nasty names. It's classic projection and part of narcisstic behaviour. We all have narcisstic tendencies so I'm not telling you he's a narcissist or anything. It's all about degrees - if he does this sort of thing regularly or not. And either way, you don't have to fall for it. The approach would be something like. "I'm sorry darling I was trying to do something nice" and bland "ooh dear" as a response and repeat the I'm sorry I was trying to.... He will get incredibly wound up and explode but you won't have to feel his anger iyswim.

Janecc · 04/05/2016 11:36

Posted too soon. And if he calls you psycho, you still just repeat very blandly ooh dear, that's not kind or I can see you're cross. If you don't challenge him back, there will be nothing for him to push against. It really does work. Then when things have calmed, you ask for apology as this behaviour is not acceptable.

BillBrysonsBeard · 04/05/2016 12:57

Definitely spoiling for a fight! It's awful, putting you in the bad mood that he's accusing you of in the first place so he can then be justified in what he's saying. I would just walk away next time and not give him the reaction he wants.