To think he's up to something?

[helphelphelpfuck]

Split from violent ex a year ago. He has had no contact with DD since and no interest in seeing her since he was arrested for threatening us both.

Just had a phone call from my doctors giving me the heads up that he has requested a copy of her medical records. Why would he do this? What is he up to? I update him every 3 months on how she is doing. Also would've cost him 50 quid apparently to do this.

AIBU to think he's up to something and fear the worst?

I would be worried.

Report it to non emergency police so it's been noted.

The police? Oh geez.

I've contacted social services who have red flagged his name yet again. They didn't mention anything about police though. I just don't get what he's playing at.

I would note it to the police just so it's on record if anything does happen. Also tell your DDs school/nursery this and that only you pick DD up unless you have spoken to them before (assuming DD goes to school/nursery)

She starts nursery in September. I've already spoken to them about it and they've said that because he is on the birth certificate they can't stop him taking her if he goes to pick her up.

Even though he is violent. Seems strange that they would be willing to give her up to someone who threatened her.
What did social services say about that?

They said there wasn't really a lot they could do as he had PR and was only cautioned by the police. It's so wrong how he maintains all his rights even thigh he's only interested in having a power trip over me and not actually interested in his daughter

The police will not be interested that a child's parent has asked to see their medical records.

You need advice from social services and legal advice on how to get his parental responsibility removed if possible.

It does sound dodgy but you're on rough ground. You need proper advice

If you had a court order the nursery would not be able to hand her over to him, could you look into that in view of his violence?

My solicitor has basically said not to be the one to take him to court as it will just set everything up for him. He said the best thing to do is to leave it and see if he decides to take me. If I take him to court, he could very well end up with 50/50 contact which would be awful. I just can't cope with all this anxiety. Every time I think he's gone he does something like this to get me all worried again.

Get back in touch with SS, see what they say.

If they are dismissive of him being able to pick her up, then contact the Police.

It isn't correct that just because he holds PR, they have to hand her over, if there has been previous Police concern/involvement and SS.

The Police should advice you how to sort this out.

Your DD resides with you and you have good (legal) reason to withhold contact, do you need this registering.

Has your DD got a Passport? I'd wonder if he is going to apply for one.

He's playing games, but you can't underestimate him.

""The police will not be interested that a child's parent has asked to see their medical records. ""

Let the receiving Officer decide that.

OP, it's correct that the danger of you going to Court is that you've done the leg work. If he really wanted contact, he'd be writing to you, getting Solicitors involved and setting up Court proceedings. It speaks volumes to Professionals that he isn't doing this.

She doesn't have a passport yet as I don't have the money. He also doesn't have photos of her. I've had her surname changed by deed poll too so will hopefully get her passport in my name not his.

""Don't waste your time with the police. ""

Firstly, thresholds, policies, change, every year and Police vary, regionally, so your experience isn't everyone else's.

If he takes her from Nursery, the Police will have to be the ones to contact, likewise if there's more threats.

The Forums are great for support, but sometimes the advice and 'support' keeps people in the same cycles.

I wonder if looking for andiffertn nursery might be a good idea if they are willing to hand her over when, as pp have said, they don't have too.

a different*

I've spoken to a few nurserys and they've all said the same thing 😕

I'm going to college an hour away from where we live so am going to get her into a nursery there so at least she's out the way and I'm only next door if he does turn up.

Is he likely to know where she goes to nursery op? If he has no idea you are studying or that she'll be at nursery, I think that reduces the chance he'll turn up at random.

Horrible situation for you.

He's not going to get 50/50 custody! No way. She'll hardly know him now. Due to his behaviour you could insist on any contact taking place in a contact centre.

I wonder whether he's hoping you haven't allowed her to have her immunisations etc so he can claim you're a neglectful mother. Would there be much to see on her medical records anyway?

I think he had a lot of eyes and ears on what I'm up to so it's definitely a possibility.

The only thing on her medical records is the meningitis that we treated for when she was born. The meningitis that he gave her because he was shagging an infected girl 2 weeks before my daughter was born!!

Forgive my ignorance but is it not possible to get a restraining order/injunction to prevent him coming near you and dd because of his violence, without getting into custody/visitation rights?

I did ask about that originally but can't remember what was said. I was very overwhelmed at he time. Had been up for 48 hours with a sick baby and dealing with the police before seeing the solicitor. Maybe it's something I can look into again.